"Tell Me Pastor" cautious on Down Low complaint ...

As we continue to track some of the discussions relating to same gender loving issues today's Star has another letter that seems edited to reflect a stance on a down low husband who after getting married did not want sexual contact with his wife. "He never displayed any signs of homosexuality" was quoted in the letter suggesting profiling of sorts as if same gender loving men are to exude some trait that makes them gay or this letter writer is naive as they come or are we the readers being taken for a ride? as I have concluded in some instances that these letters seem will fabricated at best or edited to create a spin.

Certainly many possibilities lie here but as before we have seen his biphobic stance as well so if the man was indeed bisexual we may never know as he would have probably not tolerated a letter of that type of a man attracted to both sexes and marrying one of the genders, for a psychologist I am amazed at his stance on homosexuality in general however and how quickly he calls on biblical references to abominations to substantiate his arguments while stressing that it is a sin and is wrong when he must have been tutored in recognising the orientation issues and that of sexual identity. That swapping of ideology where convenient is disturbing to me and to many of you my readers who have expressed such in previous rants on the man and his positions taken in letters.

Have a read of the latest piece and see the short but cautious response from Psychologist/Pastor Aaron Dumas.

Deceived by my gay husband

LETTER

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you to express the shame and hurt that I am feeling right now. I met this man a few years ago in Jamaica and fell in love with him. We both shared mutual feelings at that time and we decided to get married. We had a very small wedding in front of a few family members. He was very loving and attentive towards me before getting married, but once we said "I do", everything went downhill after that.

Immediately after we got married he seemed to be displaying some awkward behaviour for a newly-wed. He wouldn't wear his ring and would shy away when I would attempt to have intercourse. I found his behaviour to be odd, but I thought he just had a bad experience with a girl from his past. I attempted to question him, but he would get aggressive and angry towards me. His behaviour started to get more and more bizarre to the point where we were arguing constantly. Even through the arguments I still stood beside him and did my job as his wife. He was very abusive emotionally towards me.

About one year later, I ended up finding out that he is a homosexual and desired not to be with me. He never displayed any signs of homosexuality. He was on the 'down low'. I was very hurt and saddened by my findings. I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact of how I dedicated my time, energy and money on this man and he deceitfully used me. I am also very much embarrassed as I never thought in a million years this would have happened to me.

I am trying to deal with this emotionally even up to this day. How can I get through this pain? Please help me.

Deceived By Husband

RESPONSE
Dear Deceived,

You have not stated whether you are still living with this man. If you are still living together, you need to get out because by continuing to live with him you are subjecting yourself to more abuse and humiliation.

Second, you need to find a psychologist and have sessions so as to learn how to deal with the past, present and future. It is indeed unfortunate that you made the wrong choice, but please forgive yourself for the mistake you have made. Be assured of my prayers and please let me hear from you again.

Pastor

ENDS

Two cents continued:

Will this argument between the LGBT lobby and the sections of the evangelical community ever end anytime soon as recent publications and responses to the ad campaign though heavily critiqued by myself and others and a barely luke warm response from the community itself ever end? Check out this article from the Jamaica Observer on the pastoral responses to the video JFLAG launched,

Gay TV advert angers clerics

Some quotes include:

".................associate pastor of the Tower Hill Missionary Church in Kingston, Mark Dawes, suggested that the church needed to be more vocal in denouncing the homosexual lifestyle.

“I am prepared to be loving and compassionate to all persons, irrespective of their class or creed or persuasion, but that love and compassion to all and sundry will not stop me from speaking the truth in love as I see the truth,” said Dawes, a former journalist.

“As innocuous and as innocent as that public service announcement might appear, it is part of a wider plan by militant homosexuals to gradually desensitise Jamaicans to homosexuality, so that homosexual behaviour and practice can become mainstream in Jamaica,” asserted the pastor.

Rev Monsignor Kenneth Richards, rector at Holy Trinity Cathedral in Kingston, was just as sceptical of the message of the PSA, pointing out that the Catholic church did not embrace homosexual unions since they were not in keeping with religious principles.

“I don’t think we should tolerate it, we should object to it. I don’t think it should be broadcast,” said the priest when asked his views on the PSA."

Peace and tolerance

H

The Biphobia in the community (Gay, Lesbian) maybe higher than thought

As we continue to delve inwards to find out a little more of where we are unofficially of course we are learning more especially from a younger more vibrant LGBT body politic.

On the strength of a series of discussions on bisexuality and how persons felt during April and May of this year we saw the obvious signs that many same gender loving persons have a perception that somehow persons who are double gender lovers or bisexuals are untrustworthy, more risky in regards to sexually transmitted diseases with HIV/AIDS and may not be able to be monogamous. The opposite also is true for the bisexual representatives who have responded some in very tersely worded responses. The poll photographed above was floated on social networking site Facebook to get a further glimpse into what persons were thinking on the issue a large percentage the respondents saying yes to the question:

"Do you believe bisexuals should declare themselves so prior to entering a long term relationship?"

The other comments are not as kind and will not be posted here but suffice it to say we have to begin to address this issue I feel, if we as lgbt people are asking the mainstream to be tolerant of us then why aren't we tolerant of a section of the community that has their own orientation issues to deal with, this is also sadly with the absence of the main advocates who are more interested in the Buggery Law than the inter community cohesiveness as well, biphobia by default as I have termed it.

The invisibility of not only bisexuals but the transgender community in real terms not just using the call letters for press releases and posters is worrying. Bisexuals according to the HIV response from the Ministry of Health act as a bridge between the same gender loving and mainstream in moving HIV in the said populations maybe that could also be a factor in persons feeling they are hype sexed persons who are more promiscuous than homosexuals.

Some other comments include:

"

"this ENTIRE discussion and the idea that it is even OK to take some sort of poll on us is just so totally wrong and demeaning

this is like india or japan where the family insists on checking out your pedigree as if you are some sort of prize doggy, to make sure your background is appropriate and you do not in Any Way have any "untouchable" blood

(or like being Trini and watching people poke around slyly to see if you have any East Asian relations to give it a more West Indian flavour!)"

"People who I choose to be intimate knowing me and the things that matter to me the most almost require me to be out to all partners--and long before the relationship becomes so serious we are talking about hooking up long term. The idea that a relationship would require me to be silent about who I am is so odious to me, I can't think of the value of getting involved in one."

"Honesty is such a lonely word; everyone is so untrue.

I have been broken up with because I am bisexual. I am glad I found out that he was a biphobe before it got serious"

"Yeah well in my experience I find that most people who are in favor of this question are usually biphobic people who want to know who is bisexual so that they can discriminate against them.... they happen to be the biggest voice in this debate so they tend to influence other people who havent developed an opinion on this question...."

"I'm a strong believer in the notion that everybody has a right to privacy, and a person's sexuality is a private matter. Contrary to popular opinion, nobody has a RIGHT to know anything."

Some questions that come to mind and from BINET USA

Q: Aren’t bisexuals “oversexed”?
A: Attraction does not necessitate acting on every desire. Just as there is a range of behaviors within heterosexual society and the lesbian and gay communities, there is also a range within the bisexual community. Some have one partner; some choose to be single; some have multiple partners; some bisexuals are celibate. The bisexual population has the same variety of sexual activity as other groups.

Q: Can bisexuals be counted on for long-term committed relationships?
A: A bisexual, like a lesbian, gay, or heterosexual identity is independent of relationship choices: monogamous; polyamorous; non-monogamous; or whatever the parties agree upon. Bisexuals are as capable as anyone else of making a long-term monogamous commitment if that bisexual is also a monogamous person.

Q: Isn’t calling oneself bisexual just a phase a person goes through because he or she is afraid to “come out” as lesbian or gay?
A: Some people do go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to adopting a lesbian, gay, or heterosexual identity. For many others, bisexuality remains a long-term orientation. In fact, researchers have found that homosexuality and heterosexuality are often transitional phases in the coming-out process for bisexual people.

Q: Aren’t bisexuals just “confused”?
A: It is natural for bisexuals, gays, and lesbians to go through a period of confusion in the coming-out process. Historically, society has stigmatized same gender/sex attractions and denied the possibility of a bisexual orientation. In this situation, confusion is an understandable reaction until one is able to come out and find a supportive environment. Most bisexuals are absolutely clear about their sexual orientation.

Q: Do people choose to be bisexual?
A: For bisexuals the choice is to live openly and honestly or to be silenced by the invisibility of the closet. No one really knows the origins of sexual orientation, including bisexuality. However, whether it is biologically determined or not, sexual orientation should not determine one’s access to full participation in society.

Q: Do bisexuals want “special rights”?
A: Bisexuals want to live their lives without the threat of discrimination in employment, housing, public accommodation, and the military. To ensure their basic civil rights, bisexuals are seeking equal protection under the law, including same-sex marriage.

Q: Do bisexuals spread AIDS?
A: Bisexuals have been scapegoated as “carriers” of HIV/AIDS to heterosexuals and lesbians. The fact is, risky behaviors spread HIV, not one’s sexual identity. HIV is transmitted when the body fluids of an infected person (e.g. blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk) enter someone else’s body. Practicing safer sex and not sharing injection drug paraphernalia is important for everyone – bisexual, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, or transgender – who is interested in stopping the spread of AIDS.

Q: Should the lesbian and gay communities be inclusive of bisexuals?
A: Bisexuals have always been a part of, as well as apart from, the lesbian and gay communities. Bisexuals are part of the generic definition of gay in the same way that lesbians are. Because heterosexuals lump them all together, bisexuals encounter the same kinds of harassment and discrimination as gays, lesbians, and transgender people. Bisexuals lose their jobs, their homes, and their children, and are discharged from the military when they are honest about their sexual orientation. It is important that bisexuals be included to accurately describe the larger gay community.

Q: When the going gets tough, won’t bisexuals hide in the heterosexual community? Don’t bisexuals dump their same gender/sex partners for different gender/sex partners to pass as straight?
A: People leave relationships for all kinds of reasons, and not just because of the gender/sex of their partner. Anyone regardless of sexual identity who is unable to make a commitment to a relationship may use a person of any gender/sex to leave. To “pass” for straight and deny one’s bisexuality is just as painful and damaging for bisexuals as it is for gays and lesbians to stay in or re-enter the closet. Bisexuals are not heterosexual.

Q: Do some bisexuals identify as heterosexual? What about lesbian or gay?
A: All human sexuality studies have found that there is a notable disparity between what people do (sexual behavior) and what people call themselves (sexual identity). Many people are unaware that identifying as bisexual is even an option. (Significantly, no studies have measured the incidence of bisexual feelings and fantasies that have not been acted upon.) Many people who have sex with more than one gender/sex do not identify as bisexual for a number of reasons, including fear of discrimination and social stigmatization from both heterosexual society and the lesbian and gay communities.

The matter of fluidity also was brought into the discourse and the "Gay with conditions" mess is not sitting well with bisexuals who have been lashing out in some of the groups online locally. Clearly the real forumatic activity is on in earnest as persons use the opportunity to express their own opinions which is a healthy thing although the more "elite' amongst us call it "bickering" maybe because they cannot control the flow of information anymore and use their influence to keep a formerly subjective lgbt people in check. Maybe if we were "bickering" as we are now so vociferously and not over intellectualising the subject of homophobia with its related matters over the years then the ordinary LGBT body politic would have been included more and may have picked sense out of nonsense to reach a better place collectively than where we are now. This is great for all of us I say, let's continue the "bickering" as probably the more "bickering" is the more independence we will find to develop solutions.

Continue to speak your minds friends

Peace and tolerance

H

Situational Homosexuality or Behavioral Bisexuality ... a recap ... subsequent discourse so far

With the recent discourse on the issue locally at fora held across the island and a bloggers' lyme I thought I'd repost this important part of the equation often left out on the public discourse on homosexuality in Jamaica, it is also sad to think we have so many gays and lesbians in the psychiatric and psychological communities who are not helping us and by extension the public to understand what are the differences in the same gender loving arena. The open biphobia coming from the lesbian and MSM (men who have sex with men) communities is frightening to me and it deserves some serious interventions if not at least the commencement of the discourse.

Situational, or "emergency" homosexuality is commonly defined as sexual activity with partners of the same sex that occurs not as part of a gay life style, but because the participants happen to find themselves in a single-sex environment for a prolonged period.

Some single-sex environments that frequently become venues for situational homosexuality include prisons, military bases, ships at sea, convents and monasteries, athletic teams on tour, and boarding schools and colleges. Situational homosexual behavior is so common in these venues that in some cases nicknames have been created for those who indulge in it; for example "rugger-buggers" on rugby teams, "jailhouse turnouts" in prisons, and "lugs" for "lesbians until (college) graduation."

The idea of situational same-sex sexual activity is not a modern one. An essay by Josiah Flynt, published in 1899, told of situational sex among the male American hobos with whom he traveled. From the armies of Alexander the Great to the trenches of World War I to Desert Storm, male soldiers have taken comfort in each other's arms; and from harems to convents to boarding schools, women who were forcibly separated from men have been finding each other for centuries.

Situational homosexual experience can range from the frightening, such as prison rape and sexual domination, to the comfortable, such as the lesbian experimentation that occurs within the relative safety of a college campus.

Behavioral Bisexuality

Sometimes called "behavioral bisexuality," the concept of situational homosexuality is a complex one. At its heart is the notion that the participants in same-sex sexual activity would not have done so were it not for their unusual situation and that they therefore are not really homosexual.

Since gay identity and life style are neither approved nor accepted by most societies, it is difficult to determine accurately the reason behind an individual's choice of heterosexual identification. While someone might insist that he or she chooses to be straight, it is impossible to know how much social pressure may be affecting that decision. Likewise, bisexuality is often disapproved by both gay and straight society, and bisexuals may be pressured to "choose" one sexual preference or another.

The question, thus, remains whether those who engage in situational homosexuality might be more generally bisexual if bisexuality were a more socially accepted choice.
Moreover, the concept of situational homosexuality raises other questions as to what extent sexual behavior expresses internal needs and desires and to what extent it is a response to external circumstances.

The Relationship of Situational Homosexuality to Homophobia
In many cultures, situational homosexuality is tolerated, while homosexuality as a life style is not.

Some social analysts believe that the concept of situational homosexuality is used to reinforce
homophobia and biphobia by allowing those who perform homosexual acts in same-sex environments to continue to define themselves as heterosexual.

Often participants in same-sex activity in single-sex environments are differentiated between "true homosexuals" and those who retain the assumption of heterosexuality. In such cases, it is usually the "true homosexuals" who are stigmatized, while their partners are not. In making such a distinction, homophobia is reinforced even as same-sex sexual activity may be tolerated.

Although situational homosexuality is often both tacitly expected and to some degree tolerated, it is also expected to remain clandestine. When such homosexual activity is made public, even in venues where virtually everyone knows it is happening, punishment is usually swift and severe, though often the brunt of punishment is borne by the participant who is considered the "true homosexual" rather than the presumably heterosexual partner who ostensibly participates in same-sex activity only because of his or her situation.

The local context

In a spirited discussion recently the issue of trusting bisexuals was a major concern expressed by lesbian and gay men as many deemed bisexuals to be confused persons (the actual words used) one female involved in medical field to my utmost disgust likened bisexuals to being oversexed and disease carrying persons who we as gays should fear. The matter of disclosure was a major talking point as well as many persons thought if they knew that their partner was bisexual they would not have entered into any sexual activity with them. This is of course scratching the surface as there is much more to come on this issue as more events are planned around the subject.

Peace and tolerance

H

Gov't Should Protect The Rights Of All Jamaicans (Gleaner Letter) .....

THE EDITOR, Sir:

Jamaica claims to stand in solidarity with other nations in its commitment to respect and preserve human rights of all its citizens. However, I am perturbed by the fact that the fundamental human rights and freedoms of law-abiding citizens are continuously hindered and violated, while the constitutional human rights of criminals and corrupt politicians are protected.

In light of the current Dudus-Manatt commission of enquiry, Dorothy Lightbourne and the Government of Jamaica are strongly of the view that the terms of the US extradition request of Christopher Coke, an alleged drug and gun trafficker, breached his constitutional rights, particularly freedom of expression, privacy and freedom of conscience.

Interestingly, this is the first time in the history of Jamaica that the Government has openly defended the constitutional rights of an alleged crime lord.

On the other hand, the constant breaching of the constitutional rights of people within vulnerable communities in Jamaica is never of such great concern or priority to the Government and Jamaican society, at large. What about the rights of people living with and affected by HIV and AIDS discrimination? What about the said rights of gays and lesbians living in Jamaica? What about the rights of people living with disabilities?

misplaced priority

It is clear that the constitutional rights and freedom of accused gang lords and criminals are of top priority to the Government of Jamaica, and also to ensure that they are protected by all means. Shame! Shame!

Therefore, Jamaica's faith in fundamental rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, and in the equal rights of men and women is nonsensical and erroneous when a group of people or an individual is subjected to brutality and discrimination.

It is time for the Government of Jamaica to protect and preserve the human rights of ALL Jamaicans in the same way it protects the constitutional rights of reputed crime lords and criminal elements. Human rights are rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled.

I am, etc.,

DWAYNE BROWN

Duanyex@hotmail.com

ENDS

Some notes:

So with Mr. Maurice Tomlinson on a hiatus it seems for a while following the threatening email he received Mr. Brown has taken over duties in the letter writing campaign on behalf of probably JFLAG and himself. Wonderful message but sometimes one wonders why this zeal for unity occasioned with press releases and letters like this every now and again do not trickle down to the lgbt people on the ground through projects or interventions to unite the communities so represented by the advocacy group?

We also need a serious movements towards unity and tolerance urgently in our respective LGBTQI communities if we are to defeat the other problems that hit us from the mainstream. The elitism, community effemophobia, lesbophobia, bi-phobia, classism, masked homophobia (down-low denial) and other skisms that plague us here is slowly eating away at us and causing too much division, internal strife and greatly impeding the well needed progress.

see also:

Threat Issued To Letter Writing Activist …….

Mr. Tomlinson at this time of the struggle in Jamaica operates openly using his full name in his letters to both major newspapers and the email apparently is a response to a letter published in the Observer to a recent incident in Montego Bay where police officers raided a club and injured several persons.

Let us hope it was just a spoof although we as activists may not agree on the ways forward or have our own strong opinions on issues one thing is clear for all there must be the preservation of life, love and liberty.

My prayers are with you Mr. Tomlinson.

Peace and tolerance.

H