Poor social media navigation still causing fallouts

As social media platforms become the more accepted form of expression from a local perspective older, some younger or inexperienced users are learning the hard way. Even as Facebook is still seen as the master of the social media avenues and other micro blogging platforms such as Twitter play near catch up alongside Instagram for the more hip youngsters it seems the excitement of it all is somehow causing mistakes to be made and inadvertent outings by users is leading to all kinds of clashes and even forced evictions. While social media has helped greatly in raising the visibility of LGBT people in Jamaica and enhances networking indeed online based advocacy and interventions it has come with some unintended consequences if one is not careful. Bearing in mind we are coming from the days of exclusion, mainstream media omissions and obfuscation and homo-negative stigma. Only privileged so called ‘uptowners’ who penned articles & letters to the editors of print media while some columnists such as Jennifer Ffrench(actual spelling) tried their hands at matters on bisexuality and so on. We did not have blogs then and computers so it was an Olympia typewriter for example that was used by outfits then such as Gay Freedom Movement, GFM. 2016 there were three such reports, with one confirmed that came to hand and the simplicity of the matters may have looked just that, simple; they however exploded into something else as arguments ensue and things got physical in one case in St Ann.

The business of profiling persons due to their perceived sexual orientation by watching the gender of the likes of photos or comments, comparing how many women if any are on the publicly listed friends’ list, screenshots and archiving of comments only to have them surface in the future if and when an argument ensues as proof that they ‘knew all along’ there was a series of online workshops in 2015 and again in 2016 by some but of course the usual lack of continuity is the deterrent and as previous posts on this blog tried to accomplish some feedback suggested some folks took heed. There needs to be a sustained intervention of some kind with funding or not as it does not require that so much, but with some folks everything must have a stipend or salary before they act which is what spoils or indeed drastically slow any work that is required.

Quick cases summary:

1). St Catherine a young man was forced to relocate to a rented space after a relative checked his Facebook page just after the platform changed how persons profiles appear, the new introduction section on top of one’s work history he apparently placed words to the effect that he was gay and proud; in doing so without filtering who he wanted to see the declaration such as relatives it all came out. The relative, an aunt made a scene of the matter and although she is older she recently acquired a smartphone and is still learning how to navigate same. She demanded the young man find his own space as she was not going to tolerate any ‘battyman’ at her house. The man’s other family are overseas.

2). The proverbial leaving the device/phone unattended happenings, this one in early 2016, the phone was peered into and messages perused, Instagram and Facebook profiles examined and the male relative who did so went as far as to create a fake profile with a muscled torso as the main picture leading to sending a friends’ request to the male owner of the phone. The man fell for the request and responded positively to the request without first verifying who the person behind it was. Weeks later the man in question found himself getting violent messages and a female relative could almost recount what he commented on, which photos he liked and asked why did he have so many men on his friends’ list, she was also furious that he had a profile of this nature but never added her and instead added her to a more pristine profile instead. The man simply went to crash with a friend and allowed things to die down.

3). A carry over from a 2015 matter with a similar profiling construct around it, this time with an older gentleman as the impacted person. It was a co-worker who was the homophobe involved but ironically that co-worker has since been fired for other reasons outside of the hate. The co-worker was watching the man’s Facebook profile for some time and as he posted links to various stories that were LGBT friendly. It was another co-worker who pulled the man aside and told him in confidence about the shenanigans of the now fired homophobe. Thankfully that one did not end up in worse case scenario but it shows how easy a simple use or misuse of a profile can land people in challenges.

Questionable narcissism

As visibility is raised however there are some concerns about the near frenzy some persons share almost anything on social media; in almost a desperate search for attention or the misguidedly valued ‘Like’ as I said much to the laughter of a group recently the only thing I have not seen yet are photos of persons leaving the pieces in the porcelain after use but I guess that would be not allowed by the platform managers. Uploading photos of food for example and such at a rate that is astonishing sometimes it makes for worry and wonderment as to when do persons find time to things in the real world or engage real people when individuals including and most disturbingly LGBT operatives and advocates as it were post and tweet away like crazy. Is it to compensate for the missing years of tolerance or acceptance by others? While I understand that it does something for the self to be out and proud (relatively speaking) it is going beyond crazy at times; changing photos every hour almost on the hour, tweets that amount to be mindless inane babble and shade throwing the biggest one of them all while presenting what could amount to be a farce of altered or bettered versions of themselves. It is something that has been on my mind since 2012 after what could be described as a dual personality related matter where the online persona was nowhere near the true picture in real time.

That case had some consequences as well and it pushed some to ask persons to be just a little bit more truthful about their profiles and such.

Some social media usage tips: (several others exist elsewhere)

1) Monitor carefully your profile as best as possible

2) Set boundaries just in case

3) Filter your friends’ list or followers to maybe include those who are able to see what is on your page/profile

4) Occasionally check your settings as sometimes a policy change and or new features added tend to adjust ones profile to a system default, often without notice from the platform operators

5) Block persons the moment there is drama and if necessary screenshot any threats and so on if made

6) Set up private pages with persons with like interests as members so as to avoid others on your main profile to become just a little bit too inquisitive

Other platforms such as GRINDr have been having their own challenges as well, as a recent fake profile incident shows, the profile’s owner became the brunt of the joke in the final analysis as he was led into an entrapment of sorts after robbing a phone from someone after a one nigh hookup. Deceptive THOTS and trade MSM are everywhere and they will use any means necessary to hustle. Adam for Adam is still used but not so much by millennials as older men like myself; they have since stepped up their game though in terms of security/verification features alongside a strengthened phone-APP to meet the competition out there. Tagged also has been quietly making some changes too.

More anon and happy hunting with vigilant usage

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies 

The THOT of the walk who is oral

More on power bottoms ....................

Cyber bullying, stigmatization, decency and such

Bareback popularity concerns

Given the Safer Sex Week activities and some issues raised in a previous post on this blog on barebacking in anal sex I and indeed some others have concerns. It has surfaced also that some HIV positive men who feel that they do not need to practice safer sex anymore as they are already positive simply enjoy sex in a kind of complacency or abandonment thinking that once they are positive once then that is it; there is no need for vigilance, risk assessments and avoidance of re-infections of other strains of HIV which can be more deleterious to one’s immune system. Albeit that a trend cannot simply be designated within a year or without strong empirical data but cultural practices however can be used as a sign or guide to said trends developing. Just a cursory glance at some private groups on social media or WhatsAPP for that matter or other platforms such as AdamforAdam and hookup sites/blogs suggest more and more men are openly requesting bareback fun even while declaring their HIV positive status, once kept ultra private, it is as if it is a badge of honour to be HIV positive these days and surviving which maybe encouraging to a certain extent but all too risky in other realms. This may be outside of bug chasing or chasers.

Millennials for example have been declaring discomfort with condoms (an old criticism) and with readily available anal hygiene and enema cleansing products in local pharmacies and sex toy shops for example buffered by a kind of legitimization of barebacking in black gay porn men are daring themselves for share pleasure it seems while ignoring that risks are still high despite better working antiretrovirals and that HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence. 

As for the FEMIDOM female condom as an alternative suggested to be used with the inner ring removed that is now being laughed at or scoffed at as the device is deemed too cumbersome and too thick which may be less comforting during sex; with the outer ring also hanging outside seeing it is larger than the rest of the device some say it is like screwing a condom instead of an anus. Indeed this is a sentiment expressed also by older men as well who simply dismiss the FEMIDOM as a balloon to be blown up or used for something else.

also see: Female Condom (FEMIDOM 2) recommended for Gay Sex

The short lived Origami condoms for example that were supposedly designed for anal sex specifically seemed to be off or discontinued despite a launch campaign and an awareness program online, the uniquely shaped and grooved surface is supposed to enhance pleasure for the wearer and the receptive partner as well probably the latter more so; given the mucosal riddled sphincter area and lower opening with millions or nerve endings. Also see: World’s first condom specifically designed for anal sex 2013 and Origami Condom Delayed Due to Embezzlement

Hookup demands

from GMSH

My own experience recently with a mystery stalker of sorts who found the number on one of my blogs publicly listed where he repeatedly asked for a hookup of sorts (despite not knowing me) and declaring he wanted it “raw” meaning penetration without any barrier or a condom. While it is tempting to do same as the good old 1980s for example in the height of the sexual revolution somebody needs to remind or inform men who have sex with men, MSM in the form of anal penetration that HIV is still out there.

Complacency or near fatalism

The heightened HIV social marketing through Global Fund funded efforts nationally and other NGO work has helped but seems to hurt the thinking and sensibilities involved. Persons have concluded that if I am going to die from HIV it won’t happen soon because I can live long with just a tablet a day similar to other lifestyle diseases as diabetes or hypertension but what some folks seem to overlook or ignore or are unaware of or not properly informed in support groups are that there are several other strains of HIV which while one may be positive with one strain that does not impair their immune systems the newer strain can be far more harmful and only seek to reduce one’s immune system to stay sustained. That ‘I am going to enjoy my life’ thinking no matter what is still out there if one is to go by the comments on blogs and porn related fora on social media. Yes the ARVs or HAART treatments are effective in terms of control of Viral loads and improved CD4 counts but missing dosages too can be a challenge; a point that was forcefully made recently on Facebook by an advocate to a young man who insisted he was going to “Fuck til mi dead”

Hot pumped gym and tattoed bodies, well endowed persons coupled with objectification and just the sheer excitement for younger MSM can turn persons into tongue wagging excited persons who end up making wrong or misguided decisions about sex in the heat of the moment. Sadly the Safer Sex Week impetus is near silent on anal sex between men publicly and seem to want to the rely on the hetero-normative sexual relations psychology to trickle over into gay culture. That type of messaging does seem to be getting through to some, I have heard some men say that when they are with a woman they use condoms with them but when they are with a man they don’t as anal sex is better to them in terms of feelings and the ‘grip factor’ and that includes men who do not identify as gay, given that the concept of the word for some is loaded woman aspiring oriented and so called thugs do not want to be a woman but they still hit ass under the radar. There are other psychologies involved stemming from the prison systems as in prison wife culture, gay for the stay psychology and indeed curiosity that seems to be overlooked by the folks who design these fluffy, sometimes simplistic and patronizing sounding campaigns.

Those intersectionalities with gay men who self identify and those men who don’t with the latter thinking that bareback sex is an escape from reality and therefore no thought of risk must interfere cannot be left out of the mix. There are men out there who really believe that they are not at risk once I do it with a men in secret and that the secret albeit without a condom will not expose them to HIV risk; whilst seeing heterosexual sex as the one to use a condom with an outside female partner other than the babymother or wife. At some point there has to be a reality check and a tie-in of those sub cultural matters.

Touching the anal hygiene matter hinted above while the ‘hole maybe clean’ there is the business of that hole being ‘too clean’ meaning the so called good bacteria maybe washed away if one is not too careful, although the self adjusting PH balance Fleet enemas products for example are out there to help to avoid that destruction of those bacteria if one uses other non traditional forms of cleansing the area is exposed without physiological defences naturally. Barebacking especially almost immediately after a cleansing or enema exercise can leave one open to infection if the penetrating partner is infected to transmission of STI including HIV. There are persons who believe that a clean hole by virtue of it being ‘clean’ of faecal matter and odours that all is well afterwards for penetration. Some persons suggest that even rimming (using the tongue to stimulate or even penetrate the anus/sphincter muscle) is OK after an enema but I surmise that a simple pleasurable rim session will not just end there, at some point someone is going to be probed to the ultimate pleasure of it.

The gay porn industry is thriving on bareback for sales even while showing disclaimers in the opening sequence of DVDs and streams identifying HIV risking and encouraging testing and single partners; the challenge is that that disclaimer only runs for a 30 second or so period while the rest of the movie sometimes up to two hours long is all about the ass and dick of it thus almost killing the important message.

Antigay (un)bareback anal sex abhorrence

The very bareback issue and the sex police of religious fanatics have sought to capitalise on the matter to enhance their push for maintaining a 486 year old buggery law with all its amendments and adjustments in between. Anal sex bareback or not is not the untidy affair as some such as Dr Wayne West of the Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society JCHS has sought to present it to his loyal following and misguided or ignorant persons. He has sought to use the thin lining nature of the area to suggest we are deserving of an HIV as the transmission will be greater which is true but so it is also for the vagina provided if the penetrating partner is already positive. But intellectual dishonesty is part and parcel of the strategy even by so called Christians who misplace God’s purpose to promote hate.

Encourage monogamous or outer-course sexual activity as an option more

Even monogamous unions with uninfected partners and trust have to also consider safer sex issues I suggest; as safety and hygiene are crucial especially the latter but I get the impression that such other considerations are not part and parcel of the MSM interventions more forcefully. Suggesting non-penetrative sexual activity via a penis seems all but missing from the scheme of things is one is to take into account the discourse on sexual matters with younger MSM. I have been trying via my blogs to promote proper anal health but one blogger is not enough and I do not get the feeling

The message has to be repeated more loudly in terms of the risks involved and more openly about barebacking; after all buggery is not proven by mere eyesight but a physical examination by a doctor providing that the accused did not take a shower or enema in between the accusation, the arrest or detention pursuant to preparing the doctors’ report; a report premised on the thinking of no barrier sex and residual materials left behind in or around the anus or sphincter muscle. The doctor’s report unfortunately even in today’s world is still prepared on a thinking of no condoms used in the act in the first instance, it is usually after the examination or during that the harvested samples or culture related spermicidal findings that in the comments section of the standard form the doctor may make a note of the presence of spermicidal material to indicate a condom was present. The reluctance by the NGOs and the national program to openly speak to anal penetration way more forcefully seems a little ridiculous or near unfounded to me in addressing risky behaviour linked to men who are going that route for sexual pleasure.

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Safer rimming or anilingus .......... tips & suggestions

Anal sex mistakes gay men makes ..... some suggestions 

Anal: Should you go back there? 

Oh really! ............ Penile/anal penetration is NOT SEX Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society?

Cyber bullying, stigmatization, decency and such

Trolling a word coined in recent years coupled with dog piling is becoming a major issue now in Jamaica it appears, especially with LGBT persons as visibility just by observation has shot up in years. REDIT, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram and others are the main platforms where the bashing, insults and threats come forth. Caleb Orozco of UNIBAM who recently won his Supreme Court constitutional challenge to buggery has been the recipient of severe death threats, threats he and his supporters have not taken lightly especially when it is home grown. Locally since the bigoted tweet turned Facebook and Instagram diatribe of 110m gold medal winner Omar Mcleod at the Olympics the continued abuse even so many days after and despite the principled action taken by the company involved LASCO FOODS the threads go on. Some persons are still surprisingly calling for boycotts blasting the company whose name was inadvertently brought into near disrepute.

One particular pose by Mcleod couples with what appears to be a thumb ring on his left hand has not gone unnoticed by those who are looking for reasons to suspect homosexuality in persons; the old belief that a thumb ring is a definite indirect marker as such feel justified in the phobia/bigoted slugfest.

The ease at which such online abuse can come is disturbing to some and I contend that the platforms can sometimes take forever to take action when offensive posts/comments are made and are flagged by the target or their friends. Twitter’s newer capabilities have a jury system to address such abuse in order to arrive at a decision effectively by one’s peers similar to a civil court system. Facebook and Instagram if not Manhunt, Jack’d and Adamforadam do not seem to act quickly as well when reports are made of abuse of suspected fake profiles when they are discovered to be such. The consequences of abuse is also bizarre at times and it is not until one meets someone who is actually impacted by same that the evidence shows up clearly the abuse can do, persons literally get bogged down, may stop using the platform for a while or delete their profiles altogether. Indirect smears without naming persons is one thing but when it is directly targeted at individuals and openly so then it becomes nasty, intimidating and just in poor taste.

When or where do they draw the line in terms of decency, appropriateness and outright abuse is clearly evident? Similar to everyday etiquette which guides cordial relations face to face but with the added near immunity of hurling insults from a remote device with very little consequence including the ‘shame’ factor makes the issues go way out of control. Anyone can take or copy a photo create a fake profile, watch the copied friends’ list and proceed to act as the original holder of the online persona only to create sometimes severe damage to friendships, some persons do take their personal friendships online and do not understand that there is a detachment that comes with online personas. I have it remarkable when meeting some persons who are vibrant on social media but face to face I am left wondering if this is a multiple personality issue, then there is the question of concerns of reduced social skills due to overuse or over focus online versus in persons socializing. At a recent meeting for example I and others had to ask persons to remember we were actually in a meeting as persons fidgeted with their phones with intermittent beeps and vibrations as evident on the table the phones sat. I had to remind persons that the meeting is where the focus should be.

What is also annoying is when one is out let’s say at lunch or at the club and persons in the same space or the same table who can see you literally send a PM on Instagram or poke me on Facebook while they are right there near to me. I just ignore them save and except if the message and such has a private context attached to it. I am particularly concerned about the newer millennials who ever so vicariously live their lives online with no seeming restraint as everything is thrown up from dinner photos to clothing, the only thing left to be shown are the pieces left in the porcelain after use a friend and I joked about recently but it is serious. It raises questions of self esteem, deception, narcissism and just plain insecurity. Sometimes we need to simply put the phone(s) down.

Outings on social media is also still an issue with a couple of reports floating around but difficult to confirm as persons simply close their old accounts when things can get really out of hand. The grabbing of photos editing them and sometimes without the target’s knowledge the changed image is sent all over the place tagged with homophobic verbiage and memes as a recent case brought to bear, what was even more egregious was that it was done by another gay man as both parties were in a longstanding dispute and in aggressor’s eyes that how he could get his revenge. Cyber bullying therefore is not ‘an us and them’ matter but also an intercommunity issue. Legislatively we aren’t quite there yet then there is rebuttal of ‘free speech’ while ignoring the responsibility that comes with said free speech; some believe that have a right to abuse others whilst claiming their targets can use block features to avoid such as in their eyes the whole episode is a joke, we have a saying that says ‘what is joke to me is death to you’

The speed at which a simple accusation truthful or not can grow into a viral thread or tweet is remarkable, all the more reason persons need to be careful what they put out there, not to mention the fact that everything can be screenshot now and thrown back in the faces of those who think they can deny or refute the origin of the offending post or tweet. A recent comment by a Chinese female athlete on menstrual issues went instantly viral on Weibo, their version of Facebook. Nearly 50 million clicks later on one of the hashtags #period she was condemned for the most part for being too open about a sensitive matter in the eyes of some for women and should have been private. What the episode has eventually shown are the myths of the use of tampons and virginity. Le sigh.

Here are some recommendations of avoiding cyber bullying:

Don't respond.

Don't respond. If someone bullies you, remember that your reaction is usually exactly what the bully wants. ...

Don't retaliate. ...

Save the evidence. ...

Talk to a trusted adult. ...

Block the bully. ...

Be civil. ...

Don't be a bully. ...

Be a friend, not a bystander.

Peace & tolerance

H

‘Tek yuh bomboclaat out a mi house battyman’ from Facebook fallout

Hello readers.

You will appreciate the numerous reports that are logged that cannot be presented via a post by post method and are subject to permissions granted or not in some instances.

Sorry for the late posts but holiday scheduling and DJ duties took up some of my time and a family reunion was also in the mix which had me busy as a bee.

Hope you all enjoyed the season but even in the midst of it crap can happen as this latest entry will reveal.

There is a clear spike in my view in recent times especially when there is a heightened public advocacy campaign as seen in years gone by. It is so heartbreaking to get reports such as this one and such reports tend to spike at this time of year for some strange reason. It would seem developing tense relationships over the year(s) are brought to an end at year end so as to turn over the upcoming year without targeted persons around. In a previous post in Homeless Awareness Month in November I had mentioned I was housing a young man who ran into some difficulty; since then he was to have ended his stint this month in fact but he has not been able to transition and as he does not give any trouble or is imposing so some more time has been extended to him until the end of the year as no financial help is forthcoming in any strong numbers to sustain prolonged sheltering nor has other options become available just yet.

Imagine when one of his colleagues was referred to me by him via phone as he had called and I was asked to speak to the impacted man in this post where he related his ordeal. The man had been having some challenges from earlier this year after a series of exchanges with family members and others after what he said was someone prying on his Facebook profile and noting his numerous male friends on his list and those who like his photos and status messages. I don’t know how many times I have had reports such as this one and it disturbing that people can be so daft to premise their hate via someone’s private or personal profile on social media; I thought persons were free to select who their friends online are or such. The fault here is again as seen before in other cases management of one’s profile and filtering via the privacy settings so as to avoid such crap as this case presents yet again.

Since the revelation of the all male affair coupled with noticed and repeatedly mentioned of him not having a girlfriend, another marker used by some to justify homophobia and abuse the twenty four year old man has been having a rough ride since with repeated talking to by his mother in particular and he tries to walk her out she gets even more enraged. Other family members have simply maliced him in some sense, reminds me of my own black sheep moments some twenty years ago, to date I have cousins who do not speak to me but I do not care about them, if they cannot get over my outing via media and short imprisonment for buggery (when no strong evidence existed) and my subsequent recovery then that is their problem.

Things came to a head for the young man however in September of this year when a visit to the home to retrieve clothing and other personal effects as he was jamming with a friend in Portmore led into yet another one of those arguments and inquisition courses with his mother leading the charge. She complained that he did not tell her where he was staying and asked if he found a man and that is why in not so very nice language; she lambasted him for not heeding her advice and attending church or seeking prayer or giving his life to God and that she would no longer tolerate his sporadic visits to the home although according to her he is a grown man. To which he responded to her to end the verbal assault and let him be; it was then the words in the post’s title came to the man’s dismay as she would not normally swear except for the rare occasion but her voice would be raised and piercing.

“Tek yuh bomboclaat out a mi house battyman...” 

she responded among other things as if to suggest he should not instruct her in her home as to how or who she wants to be there. The drop in his voice as we spoke over the phone was clear as he is hurt and I understand all too well. One wants to have that family connection remain but when things get strenuous steps need to be taken and separation might be the only option. If one could make it disappear with a finger snap I have no doubt that snap would have come quickly to make it so. And so he packed whatever he could take and told her in a huff he would return for the other clothing, he said he did not care much for the furniture at this time as he had no means of removing them or storing them at another location, a feature in many previous cases including my very own so can identify all too well.

The clashes with my father in the late nineties came fresh in my mind as the conversation between us continued and his own demand that I leave the house for a while and away from him which led to my sojourn to friends who helped greatly such as the late great drag diva Donald Johnson aka Fay Donaway; good friends are better than pocket money but my brother was not so dismissive thankfully and he accompanied me to my due court dates which lasted some three plus years until my buggery charge was adjourned sine die meaning if the arresting officer found new evidence in seven years then the matter could be returned for trial. Well they did not find such and here 19 years later I have moved on but the memories are fresh with every similar case that comes before me and I empathize if not sympathize with the present generations of persons impacted by homophobic madness. With the shoddy treatment of displaced persons by NGOs still an unsolved issue and a lack of serious interventions except the tokenism passing off as legitimate from resourced entities it is no wonder stories such as this one comes flying out from more and more persons.

Homelessness indeed displacements have not risen to the level of importance in the eyes of established advocacies such as JFLAG who still prefer not to get their hands dirty so they pass it off the hastily put together outfits such as Colour Pink who are nowhere near addressing this seriously and are also more about image building via social media than real work on the streets. Where oh why has other so called homeless outfits gone silent such as Dwayne’s House or the Larry Chang Centre both on Facebook and the latter named after a JFLAG co-founder in whom I am so disappointed. Case in point a so called couch surfing homelessness museum event at a hotel knowing full well the real homeless folks could not attend of any such attempt was made to bus them in and selecting a more sanguine venue so as to avoid the intimidation of the hotel space; knowing they’ll have to return to the streets after such. The event turned out to be more about HIV responses in MSM more so than homelessness but we have seen such omissions before and are used to the foolishness parading itself as an answer.

Sadly today’s Jamaican LGBT advocate is a reflection of an American problem as well where homelessness and African descended groups such as trans persons gets overlooked for interventions and media campaigns as the push is still a Caucasian driven one (in our case the lower socio economic classes) save and except for gruesome incidents which are used ever so effectively for crisis communication which in itself is also woefully flawed as it lacks serious creditability. Professionals spend more time being intimate with a hand held device as preppy Twitterati on an image building quest more than engaging in person in the real world and walking/talking WITH the actual populations they have spokes-personship duties for; and by that I mean the ones who are on the streets and in old buildings and cemeteries not just the displaced sub group who are easier to assist. Then it is no wonder the badly needed responses cannot be seen to be written yet alone operationalized to give effect to the improvements of the quality of life for impacted persons.

Finally the young man is staying at a friend as aforementioned in Portmore and is temporarily employed so he has some stability for now, hope remains while company is true.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Another young gay man is outed via Facebook ..... 2013

Some previous safety suggestions that appeared on that June 2011 entry on hookups are posted HERE

Is this a joke .... Church group denies gay bias

This is a joke indeed, I saw this earlier but just settled and really I do not know who these groups think they are fooling as since the heat is on with a strong backlash on their hypocrisy and selectivity on gay issues; they seem to have strength for only LGBT matters but are virtually silent or cough up something for other atrocities and societal ills namely church abuse. 

Members of the Love March Movement protesting in May in New Kingston, against the visit of United States LGBT envoy to Jamaica Randy Berry. (Photo: Aston Spaulding)

#WatchCVMnews Jamaicans BLOCKED Half Way Tree to send a strong message to the authorities as well as the gay and lesbian community..... more HERE from FB
Posted by CVM Television on Monday, September 28, 2015

Jamaica Observer published this on October 7:

A member of the Jamaica Churches Action Uniting Society for Emancipation (Jamaica CAUSE) has denied accusations that the church only takes a stand against homosexuality and the gay agenda, ignoring other issues affecting the island.

Daniel Thomas today said that the church is not only focused on protesting against issues of sexual orientation.

“The church is active in every sector of society. Even though not every issue requires a protest, the church still has had other protests,” Thomas told OBSERVER ONLINE.

He highlighted that with the increase in child abuse cases in 2015, church groups such as the iCare Foundation headed by Bishop Everton Thomas has held several protests.

“Protests took place in two areas concurrently; Jones Town and Portmore I believe were the areas.

“The Love March Movement, which I lead, also themed our Love March 2015 ‘Young Lives Matter’ for that same reason. We had a huge focus on child abuse as well, our first point being ‘Don't Rape our Future’ – the message put on our shirts. Both of these had hundreds of persons involved,” Thomas added.

Thomas went on to state that there were also several church-led peace marches.

“I know one was in August Town last year, just before the first Jamaica Cause rally,” he said.

Thomas reasoned that the issue of the homosexual agenda is a political agenda, and insisted that political agendas must be opposed in a political manner.

“Generally, other social situations are more appropriately addressed in other ways. For example, we care a lot about fatherlessness but it does not make sense to protest about it, because what effect will political action have on a non-political situation? Little.

“Instead we, the Love March Movement, go into churches, schools and anywhere we are invited to talk about the effects of fatherlessness, pornography and other topics related to sexual purity and the family,” he said. “Almost every church has a Family Life Ministry that focuses on building the family and addressing child abuse, parenting and several other important areas, which is at work throughout the year.”

Thomas classified the assumption that the church is only concerned about gay rights issues and the buggery law as a misunderstanding of what is going on and a bias in the media.

“The media in general loves to report on homosexuality. The media will ignore the child abuse protest, the peace protest and only report the protest against the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) agenda,” Thomas insisted.

ENDS

Meanwhile all kinds of responses have come including the use of our homeless brothers included, hmph how unethical but hope we learn from that.

Anyway I have said alot on this selectivity in previous posts:

That Buggery Law (UK 1533), Grief & The Ill-informed 03.10.15 

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Anti Gay Groups & Selective Actions of Societal Ills 

Gay Marriage Smoke Screen, False Dichotomies and Religious Fanatics 05.06.14 

my goat mouth lol but I warned about the aetheism and secularism also clouding the struggle from the real issues of buggery law reform and tolerance.

More gay marriage paranoia from anti gay Jamaican groups

Suspected gay man booted from church

I Bet Deafening Silence from Religious Anti Gay Voices ...... Preacher served summons during service

Healthy Coalition indeed

Another St Thomas Pastor Accused of Rape ........... Where are Anti Gay Religious Groups?

More Pastoral Inappropriateness & Under-aged Victims... Silence from The Selective Religious Anti Gay

Anti gay religious voices where are they? .... Pastor charged with sexual assault

Espeut, West says “Homophobia” was invented to abuse Christians as hate speech

The hypocritical and opportunist religous right 2009

Religion as divisive 2009 Letter

Very good letter to the Observer critiquing church's selectiveness on issues 2009

Leighton Levy on Gays are not our problem .... JCHS told to check the mirror

Buggery the only thing that makes church butts sore?

Don't give up on the church, pastor tells gays (Observer)

Hardened Positions by Religious Fanatics & Their LGBT Detractors Will Only Leave More Blood on the Floor

Reverend Al Miller continues his antigay advocacy while his integrity is severely damaged

Why The Obsession with Gays Shirley Richards?

Anti Gay Group Jamaica CAUSE told We're Not Into You! Gays No Threat To Straight Folk

Dr Shelly Ann Weeks on Homophobia - What are we afraid of?

more forward thinking folks with articles in the Gleaner:

Abrahams, Gays And The CAUSE - David Pearson is acting academic dean at the Jamaica Theological Seminary, where he also teaches Introduction to Ethical Thinking. Email feedback tocolumns@gleanerjm.com and davynth@gmail.com.

Misplaced Priorities And The Anti-Gay Agenda (Michael Abrahams)

Peace & tolerance

H

The line in the sand for the PNP part 5 ....... Prison deal or no deal

Lasmay cartoons from the Gleaner

also see parts 1, 2, 3 & 4

Where in the PNP are we getting any discourse about ideas on how to develop our country or take young MPs ad such as Crawford, Hanna, Pryce and Buchanan to task or advise them or help Crawford to avoid his foot in mouth syndrome? These are young turks who need guidance and leadership, Buchanan defeated Stevenson by 14 votes and then on Saturday last comrades blasted him as arrogant to his constituents and he has failed to meet his workers, Philip Clark of the organization in St Elizabeth and the “bring back the love” group said it openly said Buchy since his ascension has not had one constituency meeting or even know the names of the persons on the board.

Bearing in mind Lloyd B Smith is out, Pryce is out, Atkinson is still pending, Hanna is holding on by a thread and now Crawford is out and social media is ablaze with all kinds of reactions that the administration and parliamentary opposition cannot ignore as was posited by the PNP party chairman sometime ago when he contemptuously described such persons as the articulate minority.

also see:

'Everybody Wants To Be South West St Bess MP' - Hugh Buchanan Confident Despite Continuing Challenge To His Place In Constituency

PNP Candidates To Face Party's Integrity Commission

A kind of cannibalism is taking over as persons jostle for what is surmised as the post Simpson Miller era, while in that same St Elizabeth constituency where Buchanan is having issues Bruce Golding former PM was onstage on Saturday as well at a fund raiser and he used the 25 million pounds sterling prison deal with the UK to apply more pressure on the administration; it is going out badly for them as messaging is faulty and although we need new prisons but David Cameron essentially insulted us and he was effectively was allowed to set the agenda hence the full paged ads by government for damage control. The PNP may suffer greatly from this as Mrs Simpson Miller’s leadership once again is called into question. Golding used the platform as well to say he told Cameron that he as PM could not take that on at the time when it was first proposed and he questioned why this administration just easily caved in did.

Some redemption had come regarding the he said she said who said the UK delegation requested a media blockade of sorts as the already vilified Information minister Sandrea Falconer where she made a Facebook post claiming there was a request by them which was denied by the high commission only to be retracted and an apology issued. As the furore continues and demonstrations are held outside parliament etc the PNP has gone on the defensive; Minister of National Security Peter Bunting’s presentation yesterday in parliament has left more questions than answers such as:

Lengthy negotiations for prison assistance particular to only arrive at an MOU than a signed deal as declared via a press release on the UK govt site?

The thirty million pounds gift for hospital/medical facilities an improvement what else is that for? (as asked by opposition spokespersons Marlene Malaboo-Forte)

Is the PNP nervous since the unexpected backlash since the UK prime minister’s visit hence the national security minister defends his handling of the messaging and actual MOU or hidden deal

Has funding via grants or otherwise been issued or pending barring public announcements to LGBTQI advocacies and what discussions took place if any on law reform on buggery and futuristic marriage equality?

What caused the PNP youth arm to so vigorously oppose the proposed or perceived prison deal?

Why would a UK Prime Minister travel all the way to Jamaica just to sign a prison deal MOU given the UK media’s presentation that a deal has already been signed and not an MOU?

Are the grants or gifts from the UK prime minister are in lieu of reparations as determined by Cameron et al in the face of the effantry without an apology? Let us also remember the Church of England has apologised for said slavery?

Why the red carpet treatment of the visited princess and UK PM as a kind of mendicancy? See a previous post prior to the visit: HERE

also see: 
Deal Or No Deal? - Prison Debate Leads To Opposition Walkout In Parliament

The opposition walk out yesterday as Bunting blasted Andrew Holness for demanding Jamaica not sign any such prison deal has not gone down well with even some JLP supporters as evidenced online, Bunting told Holness in no uncertain terms that he is not taking instructions from him as he is not prime minister in his short time prior and he answers to the Cabinet but it seems the goodly minister has forgotten as an elected official he answers finally to the people in whose parliament he is seconded to work. His rebuff has also seen heated reactions on larger Facebook groups that specialize in political discourse otherwise known as the articulate minority named so by the obnoxious PNP party chairman and Water minister Bobby Pickersgill.

Rev Garnet Roper has been on a roll and his voice is not to be taken lightly as he has tremendous influence in the church and theologian/academia communities literally blasting not only in print but radio his beloved PNP party, let us also not forget he is the chairman on the alleged PNP feeding tree of the Jamaica Urban Transit Cooperation, JUTC and some have snickered that he maybe kicked to the curb as punishment for his open criticism of the party and raking them over the coals on the poor response to reparations, Cameron’s visit and more. He seems incensed with Mrs Simpson Miller’s leadership on the constituency fires and very public in-fighting in recent times.

also see his take on the prison deal from the Gleaner HERE

Health minister Dr Fenton Ferguson is still politically a dart board on residual afterglow of Chick-V, the now rapidly spreading hand/foot & Mouth disease and perceptions of incompetence even as he attempted to defend himself in parliament yesterday

Those aside opposition senator Williams who was the centre of the Tufton/Williams vs JLP undated resignation letters for voting no for the Caribbean Court of Justice, CCJ debate in the upper house has spoken up to say that that ugly episode of internal JLP issues won’t have an impact on his vote. It seems to most that the PNP is using the CCJ vote and its timing for debate of the three bills to score points thus cultivating votes. The PNP needs at least one vote in the upper house/senate to make the legislation fly and the targeting of the two JLP outcasts as seen in the eyes of some analysts has been on for some time.

also see:
Letter Of The Day: Pro-CCJ Vote A No-Brainer

The timing of the accelerated conclusions and payments of retroactive monies due is also seen by some as bate for votes and it is coincidental that non medical staff at public health facilities that did not factor in the more visible negotiations are to receive payments. Nurses are also set to be in line shortly for their increases and retroactive payments despite the finance ministry and the apologists for the PNP slamming them and the police claiming government cannot afford such at this time as the IMF deal cannot be railroaded. Speaking of IMF deal Audley Shaw opposition spokesman on Finance spoke to the issue in an article in the Gleaner and he has made several suggestions hence at the last poverty to prosperity session aired on Nationwide radio live last week. 

flyers such as this have been making the rounds on social media showing the voter apathy out there and reaching out to like minds.

A recent discussion with a leading pollster suggests more and more Jamaicans are simply turned off by both political parties as non-performers and won’t deliver any serious policies for impactful development that can be felt on the ground. Truth be told I too feel sluggish with all the crap happening and in fighting both sides while third parties such as Betty Ann Blaine’s New Nation Coalition, NNC (a theocracy driven entity) or the former PM’s baby National Democratic Movement, NDM are just critics in the corner with no real prospects of gaining power let alone national interest in them. Where or where has the Workers’ Party of Jamaica, WPJ and as for independents such as Rass Asta-Black although he has been online via twitter and the talkshow circuit but his activism though noted has not garnered a groundswell support on election day where he has ran.

see from RJR:
"Both political parties are the same" say voters in RJR Group/Don Anderson poll

Buggery law reform has simply disappeared from the radar for now it seems even after the anti gay rally presented as concerns for family life but they have been swept aside as the raging debate on reparations and such rule. I have no doubt private meetings were afoot so we'll have to wait and see the outcomes eh. The press conference held some moments ago prior to the preparation of this post has not even helped in easing the rage and criticisms of the administration and the national security minister.

A petition has been making the rounds but will it affect or will people recall all this on election day?

see more HERE.

meanwhile the damage control on this prison deal or no deal is on with examples such as this:

and the ting turned up even more as cynicism is the fad and world events makes us mad

see more on Real Change Jamaica FB page HERE 

It gets better as we draw closer to home.

Peace & tolerance

H

Sexual Orientation questions in premarital counselling

Can it really?

Love 101FM Twitter handle comments

The matter of sexual orientation of prospective heterosexual couples was highlighted earlier today as what has been described as concerns raised by some members of the cloth in recent times where new marriages simply end in disaster due to the lack of disclosure or deception on the part of one or both persons involved. Everything from being on the downlow to pressure from the church leadership or family members who demand marriage and procreation as proof of normality or legitimacy as it were were covered. Previous discussions on this subject tend to have a leaning towards reparative therapy but thankfully this time it was more balanced and did not go there.

What are your thoughts on whether couples should be asked about their sexual orientation during counselling in preparation for marriage?

— Love 101 FM JAMAICA (@LoveFMJAMAICA) June 3, 2015

A question on Facebook by Love101FM’s Morning Watch showed via the respondents that persons hide indeed to cover up their true identity for all kinds of motives, other persons hinted to a lie detector test while others suggest the counsellors should not ask the questions on sexual orientation and should be left for the couple to be honest with each other prior to entering the union for purposes of trust and longevity of the marriage.

Facebook comments on sexual orientation in pre-marriage counselling June 3, 2015

Among the standard questions put forward to perspective couples are those of:

Religion

Family

Sexuality

Finances

Compatibility and so on

Should the counselling or marriage officer put sexual orientation squarely on the table?

Should someone who is found out to be gay/bisexual (even if the partner agrees) be advised to go ahead with the marriage?

Why do churches pressure their members into marriage and expect not to have problems emerge with downlow living given that the very church’s attitude overall forces persons to remain in the closet.

Reverend Marvia Laws raised the issue this morning on her aforementioned show given also a now deleted blog post on a blog ran by a Christian woman (maybe unbeknownst to Rev Laws) was of concern to me as well who was said to have experienced a breakdown in her marriage just days after when her former husband was found to be bisexual but never disclosed. Panellists in the discussion were two Christian marriage counsellors of the Anglican and Baptist tradition from western Jamaica Rev Carl Henlyn of the Gregory Park circuit of Baptist churches and the very Reverend Annette Brown of St Augustine’s Anglican Church in Coral Gardens Montego Bay.

The very Reverend Annette Brown raised among others things the following:

The unearthing of various sexual orientations and practices

Prospective couples must be aware of what is occurring or the sexual orientation of a potential spouse so as to avoid marrying a homosexual or bisexual

Difficulty in raising the subject with the parties directly given our cultural context and it would be better to raise it in a one on one session first before bringing both parties together if it becomes a cause for concern

During counselling persons are not honest and then the marriage dies thereafter

Sections in the solemn declaration in her church tradition it reads to the effect: ‘I know not of any lawful impediment why I should not be married to this person.’ She also stressed that during the session she goes through the ceremony itself and its aspects with relation to commitment and vows. Reverend Brown uses that phase of the dialogue to raise sexual orientation and also on the form that the parties are asked to fill out it is also raised but the results are not shared with the other party and is only the pervue of her unless it becomes absolutely necessary to raise it with both persons

Some women do marry gay/biesexual men for reasons of their own low libido and seeing his interest in the same sex will distract him away from her and not have her to be obligated for sexual relations as a full time heterosexual husband may be. Once a child comes into the picture they still stay together for years for purposes of the kid(s) and the wife’s low sex drive. She continued that some wives may not want to have sex all the time and so if the man goes out it is not like having sex with a woman hence they don’t feel ‘cheated’ on or that the marriage is in any threat. The business of women claiming they like having homosexual male friends as they do not feel threatened also factored when raised by Reverend Laws (show host) as societal practice women are usually hounded by men for sex or so on.

Reverend Brown raises other issues such as a previous marriage or relations and so on before getting to the sexual orientation bit as she feels that is her way of breaking the ice in the session. She asks the couple to speak to each other and she observes body language etc. She says it not easy to say to someone if you’re homosexual while assuming everyone who comes in for pre-marriage counselling is heterosexual.

Probing is required with excellent listening and perception skills as persons are good at telling you what they want you to hear for purposes of camouflaging any secrets.

A question on her standard form also asks of sexual history or knowledge of it with respect to one perspective partner: “if you find that your spouse is interested in someone else of the same gender how would you respond, how would you take the marriage?

On the matter of confessions and persons who claim they are healed or restored; or that they do not need to repeat it in a session as pre-marriage counselling she says she deals with that on an individual basis, she mentioned the issue of boredom and experimentation with same gender sex with a possibility of repetition in the life of the marriage as opposed to someone who is innately homosexual; she also raised concerns about persons using marriage as a cover from pressure from society (she never mentioned church pressure though).

She insisted her role is not to say ‘don’t’ to couples but alert them to dangers that may appear down the line, she uses hypothetical examples and see how the parties respond. She also said there have been postponements after sessions and issues are worked out. She also uses prayer before during and after the sessions.

Reverend Karl Henlin added among other things:

Presented an example of a couple who were considered ‘pure’ (no sexual contact prior to the wedding) in the church but soon after the man’s true sexual identity was discovered much to the dismay of the wife although he had testified he was ‘healed’ or changed. The woman was enthralled by his chivalrous behaviour in courtship to her but he really was struggling with living a double life.

He uses standard form that raises 8 questions to include hints to sexual orientation, after getting the answers he tailors what he wants to probe but he has not asked directly if someone is a homosexual either in one on one sessions or with parties present together.

A question asked by him in sessions is if five years or so down the road it is discovered by you that your partner is gay or bisexual or was involved in same gender sex in the past what would you do or how would you respond? As part of probing any suspicious issues.

In as far as conversion and or persons testifying healing of homosexuality he highlighted a case where a man and woman who came in for sessions, the man claimed he was healed and the woman accepted his new found dispensation but he (Rev Henlin) could not overrule the agreement with the parties deciding to go ahead with the marriage despite the full knowledge of the man’s supposed previous same gender sexual practices as brought out in the session. The wife three days into the marriage called back in consternation claiming “It” has returned and that she wanted out.

He has had occasions where he has had to extricate himself from certain situations knowing that issues are not settled or some pending doom seems to be on the horizon but the couple insists on pursuing the marriage anyway.

In as far as abuse presenting itself as a concern or in the sexual history with a same gender accused he says he wants to know if the other party is aware, probe if any prior counselling interventions; if not referrals and recommends waiting a while by putting the pending marriage on hold until that matter is dealt with or a full withdrawal.

More of my concerns:

The church tradition still has this notion of young Christians should not be single and that they should marry as soon as possible even when the parties do not know each other well; there is also an insistence of such young persons marrying within the denomination and definitely not a non-Christian.

Pressure from older family members can be over bearing as well (from personal experience years ago) questions such as where is your girlfriend? When are you going to have a child or we want grandchildren from parents as evidence of continuity of the bloodline I suppose or the procreation.

There is going to be more down-low marriage disasters I fear given the stance taken by some vocal religious groups on their anti homosexual campaigns, persons are forced underground or feel a need to have a desire to confirm to hetero-nomative to be accepted so persons rather hide just to avoid the scrutiny and profiling.

Then again honesty is so crucial and the jury seems to be still out as to whether bisexual men or gay men who find themselves in heterosexual unions should actually disclose, some bisexual activists say no it is not or should not be a concern while others say yes and do it from early in the courtship so as to avoid later troubles. Heterosexual women mostly tend to respond with disdain when discussing the matter or often say I suspected something.

Old beliefs abound:

also see:
Can counselling 'fix' my gay husband? (Jamaica Observer)

How I found out my husband was gay

On the down low: Men sleeping with men - another view

The unofficial practice by churches in using marriage to cure homosexuality

Peace and tolerance

H