Poor social media navigation still causing fallouts

As social media platforms become the more accepted form of expression from a local perspective older, some younger or inexperienced users are learning the hard way. Even as Facebook is still seen as the master of the social media avenues and other micro blogging platforms such as Twitter play near catch up alongside Instagram for the more hip youngsters it seems the excitement of it all is somehow causing mistakes to be made and inadvertent outings by users is leading to all kinds of clashes and even forced evictions. While social media has helped greatly in raising the visibility of LGBT people in Jamaica and enhances networking indeed online based advocacy and interventions it has come with some unintended consequences if one is not careful. Bearing in mind we are coming from the days of exclusion, mainstream media omissions and obfuscation and homo-negative stigma. Only privileged so called ‘uptowners’ who penned articles & letters to the editors of print media while some columnists such as Jennifer Ffrench(actual spelling) tried their hands at matters on bisexuality and so on. We did not have blogs then and computers so it was an Olympia typewriter for example that was used by outfits then such as Gay Freedom Movement, GFM. 2016 there were three such reports, with one confirmed that came to hand and the simplicity of the matters may have looked just that, simple; they however exploded into something else as arguments ensue and things got physical in one case in St Ann.

The business of profiling persons due to their perceived sexual orientation by watching the gender of the likes of photos or comments, comparing how many women if any are on the publicly listed friends’ list, screenshots and archiving of comments only to have them surface in the future if and when an argument ensues as proof that they ‘knew all along’ there was a series of online workshops in 2015 and again in 2016 by some but of course the usual lack of continuity is the deterrent and as previous posts on this blog tried to accomplish some feedback suggested some folks took heed. There needs to be a sustained intervention of some kind with funding or not as it does not require that so much, but with some folks everything must have a stipend or salary before they act which is what spoils or indeed drastically slow any work that is required.

Quick cases summary:

1). St Catherine a young man was forced to relocate to a rented space after a relative checked his Facebook page just after the platform changed how persons profiles appear, the new introduction section on top of one’s work history he apparently placed words to the effect that he was gay and proud; in doing so without filtering who he wanted to see the declaration such as relatives it all came out. The relative, an aunt made a scene of the matter and although she is older she recently acquired a smartphone and is still learning how to navigate same. She demanded the young man find his own space as she was not going to tolerate any ‘battyman’ at her house. The man’s other family are overseas.

2). The proverbial leaving the device/phone unattended happenings, this one in early 2016, the phone was peered into and messages perused, Instagram and Facebook profiles examined and the male relative who did so went as far as to create a fake profile with a muscled torso as the main picture leading to sending a friends’ request to the male owner of the phone. The man fell for the request and responded positively to the request without first verifying who the person behind it was. Weeks later the man in question found himself getting violent messages and a female relative could almost recount what he commented on, which photos he liked and asked why did he have so many men on his friends’ list, she was also furious that he had a profile of this nature but never added her and instead added her to a more pristine profile instead. The man simply went to crash with a friend and allowed things to die down.

3). A carry over from a 2015 matter with a similar profiling construct around it, this time with an older gentleman as the impacted person. It was a co-worker who was the homophobe involved but ironically that co-worker has since been fired for other reasons outside of the hate. The co-worker was watching the man’s Facebook profile for some time and as he posted links to various stories that were LGBT friendly. It was another co-worker who pulled the man aside and told him in confidence about the shenanigans of the now fired homophobe. Thankfully that one did not end up in worse case scenario but it shows how easy a simple use or misuse of a profile can land people in challenges.

Questionable narcissism

As visibility is raised however there are some concerns about the near frenzy some persons share almost anything on social media; in almost a desperate search for attention or the misguidedly valued ‘Like’ as I said much to the laughter of a group recently the only thing I have not seen yet are photos of persons leaving the pieces in the porcelain after use but I guess that would be not allowed by the platform managers. Uploading photos of food for example and such at a rate that is astonishing sometimes it makes for worry and wonderment as to when do persons find time to things in the real world or engage real people when individuals including and most disturbingly LGBT operatives and advocates as it were post and tweet away like crazy. Is it to compensate for the missing years of tolerance or acceptance by others? While I understand that it does something for the self to be out and proud (relatively speaking) it is going beyond crazy at times; changing photos every hour almost on the hour, tweets that amount to be mindless inane babble and shade throwing the biggest one of them all while presenting what could amount to be a farce of altered or bettered versions of themselves. It is something that has been on my mind since 2012 after what could be described as a dual personality related matter where the online persona was nowhere near the true picture in real time.

That case had some consequences as well and it pushed some to ask persons to be just a little bit more truthful about their profiles and such.

Some social media usage tips: (several others exist elsewhere)

1) Monitor carefully your profile as best as possible

2) Set boundaries just in case

3) Filter your friends’ list or followers to maybe include those who are able to see what is on your page/profile

4) Occasionally check your settings as sometimes a policy change and or new features added tend to adjust ones profile to a system default, often without notice from the platform operators

5) Block persons the moment there is drama and if necessary screenshot any threats and so on if made

6) Set up private pages with persons with like interests as members so as to avoid others on your main profile to become just a little bit too inquisitive

Other platforms such as GRINDr have been having their own challenges as well, as a recent fake profile incident shows, the profile’s owner became the brunt of the joke in the final analysis as he was led into an entrapment of sorts after robbing a phone from someone after a one nigh hookup. Deceptive THOTS and trade MSM are everywhere and they will use any means necessary to hustle. Adam for Adam is still used but not so much by millennials as older men like myself; they have since stepped up their game though in terms of security/verification features alongside a strengthened phone-APP to meet the competition out there. Tagged also has been quietly making some changes too.

More anon and happy hunting with vigilant usage

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies 

The THOT of the walk who is oral

More on power bottoms ....................

Cyber bullying, stigmatization, decency and such

Bareback popularity concerns

Given the Safer Sex Week activities and some issues raised in a previous post on this blog on barebacking in anal sex I and indeed some others have concerns. It has surfaced also that some HIV positive men who feel that they do not need to practice safer sex anymore as they are already positive simply enjoy sex in a kind of complacency or abandonment thinking that once they are positive once then that is it; there is no need for vigilance, risk assessments and avoidance of re-infections of other strains of HIV which can be more deleterious to one’s immune system. Albeit that a trend cannot simply be designated within a year or without strong empirical data but cultural practices however can be used as a sign or guide to said trends developing. Just a cursory glance at some private groups on social media or WhatsAPP for that matter or other platforms such as AdamforAdam and hookup sites/blogs suggest more and more men are openly requesting bareback fun even while declaring their HIV positive status, once kept ultra private, it is as if it is a badge of honour to be HIV positive these days and surviving which maybe encouraging to a certain extent but all too risky in other realms. This may be outside of bug chasing or chasers.

Millennials for example have been declaring discomfort with condoms (an old criticism) and with readily available anal hygiene and enema cleansing products in local pharmacies and sex toy shops for example buffered by a kind of legitimization of barebacking in black gay porn men are daring themselves for share pleasure it seems while ignoring that risks are still high despite better working antiretrovirals and that HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence. 

As for the FEMIDOM female condom as an alternative suggested to be used with the inner ring removed that is now being laughed at or scoffed at as the device is deemed too cumbersome and too thick which may be less comforting during sex; with the outer ring also hanging outside seeing it is larger than the rest of the device some say it is like screwing a condom instead of an anus. Indeed this is a sentiment expressed also by older men as well who simply dismiss the FEMIDOM as a balloon to be blown up or used for something else.

also see: Female Condom (FEMIDOM 2) recommended for Gay Sex

The short lived Origami condoms for example that were supposedly designed for anal sex specifically seemed to be off or discontinued despite a launch campaign and an awareness program online, the uniquely shaped and grooved surface is supposed to enhance pleasure for the wearer and the receptive partner as well probably the latter more so; given the mucosal riddled sphincter area and lower opening with millions or nerve endings. Also see: World’s first condom specifically designed for anal sex 2013 and Origami Condom Delayed Due to Embezzlement

Hookup demands

from GMSH

My own experience recently with a mystery stalker of sorts who found the number on one of my blogs publicly listed where he repeatedly asked for a hookup of sorts (despite not knowing me) and declaring he wanted it “raw” meaning penetration without any barrier or a condom. While it is tempting to do same as the good old 1980s for example in the height of the sexual revolution somebody needs to remind or inform men who have sex with men, MSM in the form of anal penetration that HIV is still out there.

Complacency or near fatalism

The heightened HIV social marketing through Global Fund funded efforts nationally and other NGO work has helped but seems to hurt the thinking and sensibilities involved. Persons have concluded that if I am going to die from HIV it won’t happen soon because I can live long with just a tablet a day similar to other lifestyle diseases as diabetes or hypertension but what some folks seem to overlook or ignore or are unaware of or not properly informed in support groups are that there are several other strains of HIV which while one may be positive with one strain that does not impair their immune systems the newer strain can be far more harmful and only seek to reduce one’s immune system to stay sustained. That ‘I am going to enjoy my life’ thinking no matter what is still out there if one is to go by the comments on blogs and porn related fora on social media. Yes the ARVs or HAART treatments are effective in terms of control of Viral loads and improved CD4 counts but missing dosages too can be a challenge; a point that was forcefully made recently on Facebook by an advocate to a young man who insisted he was going to “Fuck til mi dead”

Hot pumped gym and tattoed bodies, well endowed persons coupled with objectification and just the sheer excitement for younger MSM can turn persons into tongue wagging excited persons who end up making wrong or misguided decisions about sex in the heat of the moment. Sadly the Safer Sex Week impetus is near silent on anal sex between men publicly and seem to want to the rely on the hetero-normative sexual relations psychology to trickle over into gay culture. That type of messaging does seem to be getting through to some, I have heard some men say that when they are with a woman they use condoms with them but when they are with a man they don’t as anal sex is better to them in terms of feelings and the ‘grip factor’ and that includes men who do not identify as gay, given that the concept of the word for some is loaded woman aspiring oriented and so called thugs do not want to be a woman but they still hit ass under the radar. There are other psychologies involved stemming from the prison systems as in prison wife culture, gay for the stay psychology and indeed curiosity that seems to be overlooked by the folks who design these fluffy, sometimes simplistic and patronizing sounding campaigns.

Those intersectionalities with gay men who self identify and those men who don’t with the latter thinking that bareback sex is an escape from reality and therefore no thought of risk must interfere cannot be left out of the mix. There are men out there who really believe that they are not at risk once I do it with a men in secret and that the secret albeit without a condom will not expose them to HIV risk; whilst seeing heterosexual sex as the one to use a condom with an outside female partner other than the babymother or wife. At some point there has to be a reality check and a tie-in of those sub cultural matters.

Touching the anal hygiene matter hinted above while the ‘hole maybe clean’ there is the business of that hole being ‘too clean’ meaning the so called good bacteria maybe washed away if one is not too careful, although the self adjusting PH balance Fleet enemas products for example are out there to help to avoid that destruction of those bacteria if one uses other non traditional forms of cleansing the area is exposed without physiological defences naturally. Barebacking especially almost immediately after a cleansing or enema exercise can leave one open to infection if the penetrating partner is infected to transmission of STI including HIV. There are persons who believe that a clean hole by virtue of it being ‘clean’ of faecal matter and odours that all is well afterwards for penetration. Some persons suggest that even rimming (using the tongue to stimulate or even penetrate the anus/sphincter muscle) is OK after an enema but I surmise that a simple pleasurable rim session will not just end there, at some point someone is going to be probed to the ultimate pleasure of it.

The gay porn industry is thriving on bareback for sales even while showing disclaimers in the opening sequence of DVDs and streams identifying HIV risking and encouraging testing and single partners; the challenge is that that disclaimer only runs for a 30 second or so period while the rest of the movie sometimes up to two hours long is all about the ass and dick of it thus almost killing the important message.

Antigay (un)bareback anal sex abhorrence

The very bareback issue and the sex police of religious fanatics have sought to capitalise on the matter to enhance their push for maintaining a 486 year old buggery law with all its amendments and adjustments in between. Anal sex bareback or not is not the untidy affair as some such as Dr Wayne West of the Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society JCHS has sought to present it to his loyal following and misguided or ignorant persons. He has sought to use the thin lining nature of the area to suggest we are deserving of an HIV as the transmission will be greater which is true but so it is also for the vagina provided if the penetrating partner is already positive. But intellectual dishonesty is part and parcel of the strategy even by so called Christians who misplace God’s purpose to promote hate.

Encourage monogamous or outer-course sexual activity as an option more

Even monogamous unions with uninfected partners and trust have to also consider safer sex issues I suggest; as safety and hygiene are crucial especially the latter but I get the impression that such other considerations are not part and parcel of the MSM interventions more forcefully. Suggesting non-penetrative sexual activity via a penis seems all but missing from the scheme of things is one is to take into account the discourse on sexual matters with younger MSM. I have been trying via my blogs to promote proper anal health but one blogger is not enough and I do not get the feeling

The message has to be repeated more loudly in terms of the risks involved and more openly about barebacking; after all buggery is not proven by mere eyesight but a physical examination by a doctor providing that the accused did not take a shower or enema in between the accusation, the arrest or detention pursuant to preparing the doctors’ report; a report premised on the thinking of no barrier sex and residual materials left behind in or around the anus or sphincter muscle. The doctor’s report unfortunately even in today’s world is still prepared on a thinking of no condoms used in the act in the first instance, it is usually after the examination or during that the harvested samples or culture related spermicidal findings that in the comments section of the standard form the doctor may make a note of the presence of spermicidal material to indicate a condom was present. The reluctance by the NGOs and the national program to openly speak to anal penetration way more forcefully seems a little ridiculous or near unfounded to me in addressing risky behaviour linked to men who are going that route for sexual pleasure.

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Safer rimming or anilingus .......... tips & suggestions

Anal sex mistakes gay men makes ..... some suggestions 

Anal: Should you go back there? 

Oh really! ............ Penile/anal penetration is NOT SEX Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society?

Stabbed for not probing deeply enough!

There is never a dull day in Jamaican and indeed gay life or aspects of it. As the holidays end and life slowly returns to normal as it were the drama, fun and bizarre stories usually come to hand as tongues go a wagging. A previous post showed us the lower socio economic spectrum of some of these sub-cultural matters of handcart lovers who had to beat a hasty retreat in downtown Kingston. A man in his thirties has been doing just that as he is still fuming as he felt he was dissed and then stabbed by the same person as a hook up went bad. Cruisers or at least the street walking/hunting ones and those who do not traverse such scenes consistently usually take the trek in holiday times as Christmas or New Year periods and by the man’s own admission as he felt “thirsty” according to a rather lengthy WhatsAPP thread where the man vented his upset quite openly. The laughter was palpable but the seriousness of the proverbial ‘changeling’ nature of some of this was not lost to us. The group is a mix of cruisers and other men who engage in gay sex with some experience.

This latest episode occurred in the eastern end of the New Kingston area on December 24 around 10pm both men came into contact with each other after picking up on each other (gaydar I imagine) and they both moved to finding a space to explore what they felt. After some negotiations according to the man on the WhatsAPP thread they settled on what was to go down between the two. Such circumstances tend to go beyond the typical as excitement sometimes can get to a sexual fever pitch and other action comes into play. It appears by the man’s own admission he wouldn’t normally do rimming with other men outside of his main partner and or if the recipient is “clean” a long exchange ensued on that diversion much to the laughter (lol and dwl) of some participants.

The men then started to ‘get busy’ and action picked up as both men liked what they saw and the other party seemed “clean” enough. As the rimming phase of the fun came into play the man admitted although he was doing the job he did not probe deeply enough (my words) or in essence penetrate the anus with his tongue by forcing himself passed the sphincter muscle opening. A typical rimming job or ‘fridge cleaning’ or ‘batty-wash’ a term made popular by dancehall artists such as Vybz Kartel and more so Alkaline(aka the rimming DJ) exercise is usually restricted to outside the anus by the opening of the sphincter muscle opening which can be just as pleasurable as actual penile of tongue penetration with the unusual high amounts of membranes at the area. The man admitted in words to the effect that the musty scent devoid of other expected scents was a kind of reassurance that the man was hygienic but no deep probing was done none the less. The man conducting the ‘cleaning of the fridge’ was busy self pleasuring but found himself the subject of demands by the standing recipient who instructed the rimmer to enter more deeply.

The rimmer hesitated for a moment but still proceeded as he was before; only to have the man attempting to forcibly pull on his head and backing up his ass in or on the man’s face. It was there that things got out of place and both men ended up in an altercation. Things cooled but the recipient wanted more or continued action while insisting deep tongue action, when the man suggested what appeared to be partnered masturbation (“shake off”) but the recipient wanted the tongue in his ass and by any means necessary. After some verbal persuasion the man still refused and decided he was leaving the scene but the man would have none of it and another round of a physical struggle ensued so much so that both men ended up on the ground struggling; the man found it funny and in what seems to be playful but rough language used terms such as “come nuh baby” and so on.

But things quickly moved to the next level as the rimmer really lost his cool, in the aforementioned thread “mi haffi fix de boi” (I have to fix the boy) and there was where the knife was drawn by the other man and the struggle went on. It resulted in a minor stab would on the right hand of the former rimmer from a ratchet knife the other man had and a banger phone that had fallen from the man to the ground was smashed under foot as they tussled. The men parted and an argument continued until the stab victim used a rag he had in his back pocket to wrap the wound and stop the bleeding. Then the unexpected came as the rimmer made his way to the main road he was outed so to speak as the exiting perpetrator pointed him out to passersby. Talk about dangerous closet queens who can be more dangerous than homophobes indeed. Both men then went their separate ways but he says he knows where the man hails which may suggest this may not be over by a long shot.

This one reminds me of an older case in the early 2000s where a similar matter occurred but it did not have the knife play element to it. There seems to be a string of newbies in town who have been noticed by older or practiced cruisers (the more adventurous ones that is); a reader who identifies as a cruiser suggested that I needed to differentiate the types of hunters as he does not do masculine spaces such as old buildings, abandoned garages or so on as I had hinted to in a previous post but he is a more plaza operative type or lavatory visitor, problem is such spaces have been rapidly disappearing in the last decade. This loss of space is also playing a role in how the population’s sex seeking behaviours play out literally. The old remaining section of the cholera cemetery for example where that now infamous emaciated HIV positive gay homeless man photo was taken is up for major development, bushing has removed the hiding/secrecy element, male commercial sex workers, homeless MSM/transgender and cruisers have all been impacted as the government and proposed developers are at odds as to the way forward alongside police patrols and local municipality clearances.

Increased police patrols generally also have had an impact of some of this which was kind of surprising to me when this matter came to hand. Post that townhall meeting with the outgoing Police Commissioner where he addressed the homeless gays in the Shoemaker Gully also had made the area off limits as the cruising community watch these things and plan their routes and hookup activities.

Happy hunting and just be vigilant and safe to include reading the man before you both get down or if it is a group even more reading is important.

Peace & tolerance

H

Attempted murder of Portmore teacher being investigated

According to media reports and corroborated by a police source a male teacher residing in Portmore is in hospital recovering from an incident by Bayside then Rodney’s arms in a bizarre sequence of events.

Friday last April 1st All Fools Day around 4pm the teacher accompanied a man to Rodney’s Arms for reasons unclear in St Catherine where there was an argument which quickly turned violent; after a tussle the teacher sustained a wound to the lower body and then in an unexpected twist the man used a SUV to hit the teacher to the ground and drove away, the SUV was the teacher’s vehicle and it was found abandoned by the Bayside round-about.

The teacher sustained several cuts, bruises and was dazed as curious onlookers assisted him as the SUV sped away according to preliminary information ascertained at the scene of the incident. Even then members of the public were speculating the motive and the strangeness of the sequence of events; one nearby vendor was most expressive according to my source and stopped short of calling it a gay issue.

The suspected motive is one of ‘crime of passion’ a default conclusion police and others easy resort to when men are involved in unusual appearing matters; as is being circulated in police circles according to my source. The teacher has not been forthcoming with the matter too much as yet as he is securing the services of an attorney before proceeding. Others strongly suspect that it is a date gone horribly wrong as they often do and lead to public spats as evidenced only last weekend outside a popular New Kingston strip club car park nearby. Two alleged lesbians had a knock down dragged out fight complete with a captive audience of mostly men cheering and offering learned commentary related to boxing skills and the ladies supposed masculine mannerisms.

The aforementioned vendor’s comments bordering on homophobia is an indication to me that some Jamaicans still just dismiss genuine homophobic matters as nothing more than crimes of passion and of lovers supposedly quarrelling with each other leading to fights and murder. 

elsewhere the said story is reported sensationally as:
Gay principal Penis chop off  by lover in Portmore – SUV was used to run him over

A homosexual rendezvous ended with one man suffering severe injuries to his penis after it was allegedly bitten by his lover in Portmore, St Catherine on Friday night.

The incident happened along the Green Bay Main Road close to the Rodney’s Arms Restaurant.

The victim, who is a primary school principal, was seen bleeding profusely on the roadway and the police were alerted. When the cops arrived they were informed that the victim and another man went to the location and an argument developed between them. The argument turned bloody and the man was savagely bitten on his penis by his aggrieved lover.

But his woes did not end there as his white Mitsubishi Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) was used to run him over.

The vehicle was found abandoned at the Bay Side round-a-bout and is now parked at the Bridgeport Police Station.

He was assisted to the Spanish Town Hospital by the police where he was admitted in serious condition. Doctors are reportedly trying to repair the damage he suffered to his member.

The Greater Portmore Police have confirmed the incident but reported that the victim has not pressed charges or offered any information

Police have confirmed that the area close to Rodney’s Arms is a regular haunt for homosexuals who visit the area to make out.

meanwhile:

the home where the murder occurred

A report on CVM TV only some days ago of a chopping matter involving one Donovan White aka Phil in Montego Bay brought such suspicions front and center, the roommate was interviewed and his every action including the tears or lack thereof in sufficient numbers was used to dismiss his sorrow; while reiterating an old adage that gay rights are not to come as gays are lying about murders when it is us (gays) who are killing each other off in jealousy. Sad that even as details are scarce profiling has led to stigma. As if to suggest jealousy is far deeper in same gender relationships and liaisons versus heterosexual unions.

Bayside Portmore however has factored before in public spats playing out for some reason, maybe the said location of Rodney’s Arms is a popular space for fish, other sea food and entertainment devoid of stigma oddly enough given the myriad of persons who use the space.

In a previous post I had reported on such a matter:

Reports suggests that on Saturday July 10 around 2am in the morning a man who was coming from an event on the strip was on his way home according to him. He reportedly saw a motorvehicle parked on the strip with a female allegedly in the passenger side of the car, the man knowing that in that vicinity the commercial sex is done he approached the “woman” to conduct business.

They negotiated the deal for sexual favours in exchange for an agreed price, he was seen entering the vehicle by eyewitnesses where the apparent agreed sexual favours were performed by the CSW on the man in the form of oral sex. It was after the act was completed and he requested additional services that he discovered she was in fact a “he” as the services he requested require penetrative sex which the cross dresser could not fulfill.

An argument ensued where upon hearing the crossdressers voice it was clear she was a man in drag, by which time stones were hurled into the vehicle damaging it. The drag queen also defended herself by hurling stones as well and chasing him away. The man subsequently tried reporting the matter to the cops but was himself held and maybe charged for malicious destruction of property resulting from the incident.

see more:

CROSS DRESSING DRAMA IN PORTMORE 2010

So many are in train and tracking but sometimes they die after a while with no good follow up to determine the findings of legal actions pursued against accused.

Peace and tolerance

H

Modern gay love, dating apps & deception wrapped in homophobia

As smart phones takes the place of many activities in our lives as there is an app for almost every darned thing these days from car wash services to booty call or hook-ups or even scamming where the infamous lotto scammers in trying to get serious cash also use the technology. Kinda knock some of the fun from the real deal sometimes but be that as it may I have posted before on deceptive hook-ups gone bad and fake Adam4adam profiles leading to some serious entrapment issues and even kidnapping. 

also see: Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies & Safety ..2014 and Cruising posts fro GLBTQ Jamaica (newer posts will appear first)

I am coming from the good old days of face to face links and a one off cruising jack off and or good one night stand but from a place of spontaneity which is so much the better for judging someone than using social media, online or dating apps.

Meeting through mutual friend is way better yah man.

To be armed with an industrial size fishing net that can fit in one’s pocket is ok in modern times but face to face is still the best for me and anyone can pose as a mystery date of muscular thug trying to lure one into a meeting or fuck; a reported Instagram based near miss attack last year just reminds us the dangers involved despite the wider availability and outness of young LGBT people who sometimes openly flirt on Facebook ( believe me I have had my share as recent as a couple days ago); it’s one thing to ask basic questions it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame when just by my photos or videos a total stranger can ask me if I want a one night moment or big is my dick or if I am a top or bottom or versatile. 

The biggest question I get most of all is how old am I? My birthday was on February five and at 43 I am a little tired of being told I look so young or do not look my age; yes I am flattered but sometimes it is just too much ammunition for an inappropriate approach as I am a little old fashioned in terms of intrigue and suspense or mystery thrill of the flirt. Frankly sometimes the welcome is warm and the flattery effusive.

It is easy to say things to someone behind a bubble on a screen and imaging and typerize in a sense fantasies that one will say in a face to face meeting, although the internet is a democratizing advantage it is also an echo chamber so to speak for bullshit such as profiling, fake pics, alter egos for so called felt lack or perfection, objectification issues which can sometimes lead to physical prejudice & stereotyping based on pre-conceived ideas of what one wants. One good thing at least for me as I try to navigate the newer technologies is that allows me options and I do use my photos and not a fake or pseudonyms save and except for my hookup activity. As my regular readers know by now I am not a one man’s man and relationships are not my thing despite I am asked to mediate challenges in that department for others.

also see: Sexting Basics: What You Need To Know Before You Press Send 2016

I am from the nineties days of the advent of Adam4adam to text chatrooms to WhatsApp; I can remember the good old days of phone dating services, phone sex matters and early JFLAG hotline services which I used to man and log the calls; inappropriately callers would literally call looking for a one night hookup, a jack off session outside of the main reason for the line in logging stigma & discrimination. Outlets then for release of sexual tension were far and few in between. 

Then came pages such as Rainbowvibes, my own GLBTQ Jamaica NING page (now defunct) where they were private match up groups and so on with fortunately a psychologist was part of my membership then who assisted when requested in matters and referrals for serious matters. Facebook now also has its fair share of guy to guy hook-ups and even a forward thinking bisexual group although the backlash from gay and lesbian folks to bisexuals as confused still bothers me. 

Now Gaydar is a fast rising online and dating App for Jamaicans as I tried it some time ago and nearly every taste is allowed. Grindr is doing well for now but it looks too plain to me and not exciting and covert identities can hide out and who knows what dangers lie behind hot torsos or thick dicks or a tight hairless asshole beckoning to stick your tongue or dick in it. Someone introduced me to Gay Romeo which looks cute but it’s mostly African guys who seem to populate the profiles as black men than locals or African Americans; maybe they do not know it so much yet.

Lesbians are also having some issues based on reports who also meet fakers so to speak and seems not to have caught on for that cohort as for men, I guess the spontaneity of man on man sex devoid of talk first, sex later considerations that delay hook-ups I imagine. For some women it helps it seems to monitor while using the search freedoms and allows online relationships from all accounts and cybersex used to cement the release factor. 

The aforementioned near miss Instagram case report (#gaydating) had the subject posting photos on Facebook of the matter with some minor injuries after a tussle and rightfully warning others of the ordeal and dangers involved. With some men generally still thinking male homosexuality as taboo whilst attaching money for sex and discreetness if indulged in; blackmail with a report I had not posted on my blog by request of the victim he was ambushed even as he got naked with the initial date; it turns out it was a gang of thugs posing as gays with the main actor playing the role of luring unsuspecting men at hotels or guest houses. Demands of thousands of dollars are not uncommon or several cases I have seen, worked on or heard of where motor vehicles and other valuables in the quest for untold wealth in their eyes at any cost.

I would advise to look for signs of either unstable folks, aggressiveness, inordinate demands as early warnings that something is obviously off. 

Nuff love

Peace & tolerance

H 

also see:

‘Tek yuh bomboclaat out a mi house battyman’ from Facebook fallout

Another young gay man is outed via Facebook 2013

Facebook & unintentional outings to family members .. 2012

Warning!: Fake Facebook pics and hookup dangers 2011

Inviting an unverified third party for a hook-up can be dangerous

Inviting an unverified third party for a hook-up can be dangerous

In light of recent events involving fallouts from hook-ups mostly originating from virtual e-lationships I wanted to revisit a long standing practice by some long term relationship same sex couples to open their union or are already in open relationships where a third or even fourth plus parties are incorporated to enhance their sexual experiences and or for experimentation. The recent events I referred to in my opening was related to a long term virtual e-lationship without the benefit of meeting face to face that supposedly built trust due to the passage of time or so one party thought, one of thousands like this scenario I would image but on popular all male site Adam4Adam these e-lationships can last for very long periods before a face to face hook-up is arranged or enacted it can be just within hours after clicking their profile lured by a photo (often times fake) or some other factor picked up over time. The man thought he was about to meet his online friend only to be led into a web of deception and sexual assault.

Now that the outdoor cruising community and related activities has retreated somewhat due to the high crime wave, fear and the presence of the problematic homeless and gay for pay communities occupying traditional spaces using public thoroughfare the switch is noticeable for those who care to look to virtual spaces so the internet, BlackBerry messenger and the respective mobile phone service providers chat rooms with Facebook almost ahead of the pack in my view, even I get the proverbial “ ...wanna jack off?” or other sexual invitations in my inbox. This blog has some previous entries on Facebook fallouts but the main purpose of this particular entry is to provide some more tips and suggestions (not hard and fast rules though) as to how to take the needed precautions and what to look for. Experiences cruisers like myself never often pass on these tips and even at the advocacy level hardly any discourse is on the subject and it is well needed with the challenges especially with younger inexperienced “hunters”

Instincts of course is the first thing when making that decision at the initial contact, many persons do throw out invitations openly online in the fora aforementioned but it is remarkable to me that even persons who would be considered sophisticated, educated or suave seem to be making some serious errors leading to disastrous consequences over the years, the repeated non-homophobic killings is evidence enough as the men navigate the ins and outs of Jamaican MSM life including the tricky gay for pay and hyper masculine individuals not accessing that these persons sometimes come with emotional and psychological baggage on their shoulders. The highly prized machismo in our setting with the masculinisation of down low life as acceptable by the very GLBTQ media/entertainment they have already set the stage for bullshit to happen. Some may want some sort of financial or materialistic rewards for the inclusion of sorts and sexual play so may go as far as asking for extended contact with one of the parties in the union while rejecting the other (if it was a two man union) based on the initial engagement/session. The perception by some of the hyper and GFP brothers also is that “gay” men (as they often don’t seem themselves as homosexuals) have disposable incomes and material wealth in abundance hence the cash register demands complete with a list of wants in rules including the role play in the session strongly excluding any passive or receptive positioning for the most part and if so allowed may cost you more than you bargained for with added confidentiality (friends most not known he bent over) under pain of threats on ones person at times.

Verification is so important as too often persons whether single or in a relationship but looking to turn a session or a have a one night stand into a ménage a trios just play it by air and invite someone right off the bat from a male hook-up site or Facebook without even knowing the individual(s) on the other end of the virtual space. It is good to have spontaneity as well yes and gaydar may also play a role but is more powerful to me face to face, sometimes luck will run out and one cannot simply work by the “spirit” anymore in these dangerous times. Often times we see posts and status messages thrown out on Facebook of persons seeking a certain experience or type of man going down to the details of role played and expected activity, a few have gone as far as to list their geographical area, offer payment amounts or material items as the lure and phone numbers while having an open profile that can be viewed by friends of friends and family who on their main friends list but not filtered from certain account activity. Those are some of the circumstances that can lead to problems.

A recent chat with some fellas in a certain town centre revealed much as many of them have become circumspect as decoys roam either pretending to be gay to exploit what they can from their victim a long standing problem as I too fell victim to this years ago but I am far more the wiser these days or gay for pay MSM who while not self identifying as gay have strict lists of what they want both in bed and in payment. Derogating from any such arrangement can have consequences to ghastly to discuss here some of which we have seen making the news over the years outside of non homophobic killings or murders. Hyper masculine or thug gay for pay men are not the only ones with drama the opposite side of the spectrum can also be murky that of effeminate men hence some seeking such encounters often demand that would be third parties or hook-up link be not “real” “girly” or “ queen” all terms referring to an effeminate man. There are also the service seekers though masculine in demeanour do deliberately seek effeminate types but motive is often an issue. I have seen over time effeminate men abused, not paid (if it was a commercial arrangement), relieved of personal effects or cash or duped into a deal to be left raped or sexually assaulted.

The ability for perpetrators to mask their intent which may come into play after the first face to face meeting is sometimes hard to decipher or detect when one is not vigilant from the get go, the first click on that profile should turn on ones filter’s but some get so lapse and are caught up in the aura of the fantasies or urges running in one’s mind for that instant gratification, after all men work by the physical for arousal more so than women. One also should NOT let their guard down simply because the first meeting or session went well motives can remain hidden just until they are ready to pounce and carry out their plan. Trust cannot be developed out of a sexual encounter without the benefit or more social exchange and meaningful conversations. The thrill of a hook-up or the hunt though we clearly understand is the unemotional connection, sheer lust and raunchy desire driven by male’s physical aphrodisiac elements that are the drivers but in hiding ones true self to make the experience interesting deception becomes exploitive. The six pack (or more), the member’s size (endowment), and other physical attributes are the markers to make the decision to sometimes blindly go for the kill so to speak and when it is over they go their separate ways.

Just the ending of last month there was an assault case that has brought the matter front and centre for myself and some other readers on my sister blog GLBTQ Jamaica on blogger, thanks to the persons involved in the case for allowing me to explore the issue (barring making too public the gruesome details in avoiding being indelicate). I also shared some tips I had prepared in a previous entry on this blog following some Facebook fallout involving young gay men in Kingston. Contrary to popular notions, the discrimination against homosexuality comes not only from heterosexuals but also from sexual minorities themselves. It is virtually impossible for someone raised in a culture as intensely intolerant to homosexuals as Jamaica’s culture is and not have that same intolerance deeply ingrained. Thus, regardless of one’s sexual orientation, most Jamaicans carry the burden of prejudice against homosexuality in varying forms.

Thus the challenges I tried to expound on above, navigating MSM life is not easy here but for those of us who are still around (Thank God) and have the experience we must not only sit on that experience and be cocky about it but also share it with our younger counterparts, after all isn’t it the overall improvement of the quality of life what we seek here?

here are some recent suggestions I added on Facebook, some were from a previous entry on FB fallouts, adjust them as you may see fit:

FIRSTLY work with your INSTINCTS or gaydar if it doesn't feel right or if you are not sure of the individual, DO NOT GO THERE (even if their "member" is big or body looks good) I know the thrill of the hunt can be tempting but if you do decide to push ahead then .........

1) Get to know the party(ies) on the other line as BEST as possible i.e. more relevant info, real name, sexual preference etc do not just settle for photos especially dick shots, those are the alluring agents to get you hooked.

2) Cross question or revisit information that you are not clear on with the person(s) but do so cleverly, not to deceive but for your own confirmation

3) Literally archive your online convos with the party(ies) if you are unsure of their motives via the chat mechanisms or copy and paste them to a blank word doc or notepad

4) Verify if possible knowledge of the person(s) by others in the community if they are newbies the cross questioning point above should be used regularly .... make sure you are getting the truth

5) Decide on what clothing and colour or change colours previously agreed to if you are not sure of the individual you are going to meet

6) Study your surroundings when there and get there early, make note of markers etc

7) Find an open area such as a park for the first meeting preferably instead of a home or hotel so as to avoid any untoward attack and that too can avoid the need to get into the sack too quickly even if it is a nice future fuckbuddy

8) Plan your possible route(s) of escape if necessary, wear adequate clothing that will not impede you

9) Have a weapon of some sort or maze that can create a distraction then escape as quickly as possible

10) For the first meeting try to go as light as possible NO COSTLY items on you such as jewelry, brand clothes or shoes, GO LIGHT AS possible if unsure

11) Have a trusted friend accompany you if possible and have them away from the actual meeting spot but make sure they can see you

12) Make a call if needed to the person(s) who followed you and keep the line open so they can hear your conversation and call for help elsewhere if needed

13) If possible and where necessary have this TRUSTED third party/witness capture the moment via video or stream so as to make sure it is an authentic meeting/hookup

14) IF NEEDS BE or the situation is so dire try to cleverly (not easy to do) distract the perpetrator(s) by telling them you have an STD (NOT HIV) as that may have a psychological impact on them, it has worked in cases I have seen before

15) EVEN during the ordeal see if you can plan your escape, so if you were forced to do any oral sex for e.g and you saw a route or way out bite the fucker and run!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (although in such tense moments one can get nervous and loose thought)

16) Pay close attention to the weakest person in the group IF IT IS A GROUP ATTACK play on them if you can it may work in your favour, best way to escape sometimes is to let them argue and then you BOLT for your life >>>>self preservation dis name

17) Long term take self defense classes if needed

Peace and tolerance

H