Cruiser robbed of phone on Tom Redcom Avenue

Tuesday February 21st will not be the same for a cruiser in his early twenties as he ventured along one of the oldest pavement pounding spots for gay men or other MSM who seek sexual services via commercial sex workers male or female. The vicinity of the rear of the Edna Manley College just behind the Oxford Medical Centre building is well known for all of kinds of shenanigans and is frequented by cruisers, generations of MSM/transgender homeless & displaced & thieves who are sometimes attracted to them and who prey on them. The present Shoemaker Gully problem of guys living together in spaces was at Tom Redcom Avenue where near very week there would be a story in the tabloids be it the Star News or the now defunct XNews previously known as The Enquirer. Robberies were also a feature then to also include HIV prevention Outreach Officers for certain NGOs as victims but more for money and or other personal effects as opposed to now and the escape route was far easier through the adjacent car park as one approach the Oxford Road, Old Hope Road and Tom Redcom Avenue stop light.

Around 10 pm on Tuesday 21st the man was walking northwards on Tom Redcom Avenue where he was about to see what he could meet up on for the night, bearing in mind the recent relocation of the Shoemaker homeless MSM/transgender group alongside the female commercial sex workers as well the scattering of sorts send persons back to old spots with the pimps and robberies (sometimes being the very pimps who are often heterosexuals) the man was approached according to him by a person resembling a man who asked if he was doing business. The man responded no and continued walking (being a cruiser and not a potential commercial sex worker client) but as he continued towards the Library he was approached again by the same person, apparently the giveaway was the earplugs which in hindsight was a wrong move; as he approached the Little Theatre the robber pulled a knife and lunged forward towards the victim, this happening as traffic zipped by, the man tried to place himself in the glare of the oncoming traffic lights so as to dissuade the robber but it did not.

The man and the robber ended up in a tussle where he the robber demanded the phone with strong aggression, “gimme di bomboclaat phone pussy!” was quoted by the man according to his report. The man was subsequently relieved of his BLU smartphone and some three thousand dollars in cash. The robber made his way to the gully that runs immediately behind the Oxford Eye Clinic (Medical Centre); an old haunt as well for pimps, homeless and commercial sex workers, cruisers would normally prefer the nearby unoccupied guard house in the middle of the car park or the infamous Lignum Vitae tree by the now properly fenced school. I recall my outreach days then and admittedly hunt for some fun

He says he regrets having gone there and not being better prepared; he said he was just passing through and had not intended to make a direct visit. The man said he had gone by before but much later and not with a smartphone but switching his chip to a banger; banger phones are also robbed occasionally as well as they are used for calls possibly by accomplices and or sold to others.

It is unclear as to whether or not the robber is one of the persons who reside at the lower end of the Shoemaker Gully aka Kencot Gully which sits some fifteen minutes away from Tom Redcom Avenue, another Gully that seems to be getting some attention in terms of traffic is the one that passes into Cross Roads and that runs infront the Andrews Hospital nearing Cross Roads. The gully where the robber escaped also merges with that gully as an artery. Speculation has been rife in recent times that there is a connection to homeless gays apart from other miscreants, as robberies on that section of Old Hope Road of women mostly whose handbags are snatched or phones taken by force. Other robberies if not clashes by the opposite Union Square, the Eyeglass Centre and infront the National Council on Drug Abuse, NCDA offices are legendary for years and an unconfirmed robbery in October 2016 of another man by that area raises the level of concern.

The matter was not reported to the police as the man has decided to cut his losses, but he has lost both chips as it was a dual SIM card device with loads of numbers. Meanwhile another phone ring that was thwarted recently after a Facebook phone selling group was infiltrated by investigators are would be buyers netted an elaborate scheme spanning Kingston and St Catherine, a lesbian was set to be part of the arrangement. It was only in late December after a series of discussions a police officer encouraged persons in a private social media group of which he is apart pleaded with persons to lay off hunting for a while; the victim was not a part of that group but linked to a member, he has since joined the fray. 

Please encourage others to tread carefully with phones, avoid at all costs wearing headphones as that is a dead giveaway or at least certain types on expensive headsets or hands free devices of a certain brand such as Bose and so on. If one has to go on the road in such matters or certain parts of town carry a banger and not a smartphone and finally avoid giving away your location if one has a smartphone on their person or if not tell a close trusted friend where you will be; turn on whatever recovery assisting security features such as tracking or remote wiping of data after the phone has been stolen. Avoid fights with a would-be robber who is armed as one’s life is far more important than a replaceable device.

Cruise carefully fellas.

Peace & tolerance

H

Scale up HIV/AIDS programmes behind bars says activist

Thanks to Carla Gullotta formerly of AMNESTY International USA in Jamaica and who now works in the prison system now the issue of prison sex has been raised openly. Bearing in mind the 1997 prison riots five months after my exit from a prison cell myself the issues of persons coming in HIV positive and or allegedly contracting HIV while incarcerated was known, persons were at one point said to be using plastic bags torn up in pieces as makeshift condoms seeing condoms are seen as contraband and attracts serious punishment if found. Others just go bareback (ass it tighter thinking and I am not gay but buttfuck) 

Suggestions on condoms in prison was met with sheer anger on one hand but other rival prisoners used the conflation of sneaking homosexuality through the 'back door' in homophobia violence to kill or harm said enemies.

Miss Gullotta penned:

The issue of HIV/AIDS among inmates continues to pose a public health risk. This delicate issue is one which requires a more comprehensive approach even as international funding to combat HIV/AIDS continues to dwindle.

Global research indicates that correctional administrators continue to struggle with meeting the needs of inmates with HIV/AIDS. This situation is further complicated by the fact that there is a taboo culture which prohibits open discussions about sexual issues behind bars.

HIV hit prisons early and hit them hard. Data indicates that the rates of HIV infection among prisoners in many countries are significantly higher than those in the general population. While most of the prisoners living with HIV in prison contract their infection outside prison, before imprisonment, the risk of being infected in prison is heightened.

The importance of implementing HIV interventions in prisons was recognised early in the epidemic. After holding a first consultation on HIV in prisons in 1987, World Health Organization (WHO) responded to growing evidence of HIV infection in prisons worldwide by issuing guidelines on HIV infection and AIDS in prisons in 1993. With regard to health care and prevention of HIV, the guidelines emphasised that, “All prisoners have the right to receive health care, including preventive measures, equivalent to that available in the community without discrimination, in particular with respect to their legal status or nationality.” This was recently reaffirmed in the 2006 framework for an affective national response to HIV/AIDS in prisons, jointly published by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, WHO, and United Nations Programme on HIV and AIDS.

Since the early 1990s, various countries have introduced HIV programmes in prisons. However, many of them are small in scale, restricted to a few prisons, or exclude necessary interventions for which evidence of effectiveness exists. There is an urgent need to introduce comprehensive programmes, (including information and education, particularly through peers; needle and syringe programmes; drug dependence treatment, in particular opioid substitution therapy with methadone and/or buprenorphine; voluntary counselling and HIV testing; and HIV care and support, including provision of antiretroviral treatment) and to scale them up rapidly.

Jamaica has made attempts to expand its HIV/AIDS programme in prisons, but these efforts need to be sustained if the gains made are to be lasting. At a time where there is a small window of opportunity to benefit from the little international funding that is still available for HIV/AIDS programmes, the Government should seek to tap into this funding and direct it towards correctional facilities.

Prisoners eventually return to the communities from which they come and they carry with them everything they would have picked up in prison. Scaling up AIDS/HIV intervention in prisons is therefore in the best interest of not only the prison community but also the fragile health system and the nation at large.

Carla Gullotta is executive director for Stand Up for Jamaica, a human-rights groups that carries out rehabilitation work with inmates in the island’s correctional facilities.

ENDS

Pity Miss Gullotta did not address the psychology of some of this in terms of substitutional sex or situational homosexuality or the prison wife phenomenon or 'gay for the stay' pieces to it as a layman; anal penetrative sex in such circumstances I have found is a feature even for gay men in a non conjugal visit systems or policy locally, so men fool around with other men to relieve sexual tension. The activity between the ears is not about the man in the physical as he is a means to an end but about the opposite sex and the engagement comes with rules. (need to do a post on this and go in depth)

Previous efforts to deal with some of this has not gone down well with the correctional services or warders in the system as they feel they will be labelled as gays or supporting such; warders have had a longstanding stigma and urban myth thrown at them for years, I came up and heard it that many it is believed enter the profession to gain access to men and that they have gifts of endowment due to regular sexual activity. 

In 1997, Lieutenant Colonel John Prescod(left in photo), then Commissioner of Corrections, suggested that condoms be distributed in the prisons as a means of stopping the spread of HIV. The suggestion sparked a riot that claimed the lives of 16 prisoners, some of whom were accused of being homosexuals and as it turns out many who died weren't actually gay but prior rivalry and a golden opportunity for a disturbance led the way to the attacks. The National AIDS Committee had recommended again in 2000 to the then Peoples National Party administration launch Mandatory medical examinations for all inmates, segregation of HIV positive inmates, legal conjugal visits, a health education programme for the prison, and permission for terminally ill patients to be allowed to die at home, were also among the recommendations made to the Government which were ignored.

Dr. Raymoth Notice (right in photo above) medical expert in the penal system had said at the time, "...We recognise that the incidence of HIV is increasing in the general population and not only that, studies have shown that the incidence of AIDS in prison is six to 10 times greater in prisons than in the general population," also he continued "the level of homophobia and ignorance as well as the lack of resources have hampered the education process a whole lot. Before we even get to the condom issue it is important first and foremost to educate the population about AIDS. But everyone has been too afraid to do anything since the riots. There is no analysis being done, no reliable data, inmates are leaving with the disease and taking it back to their communities."

Lambert Brown, the UAWU's the then first vice-president, had said that although he was still opposed to condom distribution in prisons, he had nothing against the other recommendations made.

"The fight against AIDS is not based solely on condom distribution," Mr. Brown said. "Those who are promoting condoms in prison are using the back door to promote homosexuality which is illegal." here suggesting fear.

The usual response from governments over the years when NGOs and others push for it is that the buggery law will not allow it while being afraid of the public and prison population backlash, not to mention the antigay religious fanatical penny section.

Let us see what the reaction if any will be like.

Peace & tolerance

H

Also see:
Male Rape .... nobody wants to talk about it 2011 and Should prisoners have conjugal visits? 2013

Phone Found in Prisoner’s Rectum for a Second Time in Lockup

Review condom policy for prisoners ......... 2011

Inmate attacks alleged gay prisoner

Buggery Accused Tried to Commit Suicide in Lockup .......

Man charged for assault of gay prisoner

When power differentials (of a car) attracts homophobia 

Homophobic Yet Homosocial (Repost)

Shebada receive death threats from ‘cruiser’ ...........

Shebada in action in one of his plays

 the cruiser in question

Keith ‘Shebada’ Ramsey found himself the brunt of death threats via a voice note from a supposed downlow man who allegedly hail from St Catherine or have links to that part of the island. It is believed things went sour between the two when Shebada refused his advances in a kind of ‘gay for pay’ posture as some of these so called overhyped thugs do get into. If he knew as the man throwing the threats that Shebada was gay or a “battyman” why would he be in an extended debate with Keith Ramsey in the first place, a question on the minds of many upon the circulating of the voice note. Why would a man who is parading as a homophobe go to the point of saving previous voice notes suggesting some sort of sexual discussion allegedly done by Shebada; there is clearly more to this than meets the eye.

Shebada @ 1:39 proceeded to accuse the man of being a gay hustler under the quiet, and I am all too well aware of them indeed but not this one personally. Mr Ramsey had some choice phrases for the man too disturbing to type out but the video has it all. Shebada then nailed it by suggesting that if he is a battyman then why hasn’t the pretentiously upset man blocked Mr Ramsey as yet? The fundamental question the age in my view. Listen @ 3:17 onwards. th

In some other circles the cynicism is clear indeed the homophobia as well with some persons making comments similar to the ‘cruiser’ but Shebada is used to that king of thing, in 2013 the matter of his perceived sexual orientation came up and he has not confirmed or for all intents and purposes denied it. That infamous public squabble with Beenieman some years ago is still fresh in the minds of many where Beenieman labelled Shebada as a faggot and he (Beenie)wanted nothing to do with him as he was supposedly approached for a performance contract at one Ramsey’s shows.

Popular Jamaican comedian Keith “Shebada” Ramsey sat down for an interview with Winford Williams in 2013 on CVM TV’s On Stage show.

At the time Shebada was widely regarding as the new face of comedy in Jamaica but his fame didn’t come without some harsh backlash from dancehall.

Since getting his big break in acting, Shebada has been the subject of homophobic lyrics from the likes of Bounty Killer, Beenie Man, Vybz Kartel and more dancehall acts.

According to the “Bashment Granny” star, dancehall artists used him as props to make their music sound good. But he flip the script and use those artists as promotion.

“I won’t really say they hate me but they use me as props to make the music sound good and just to gain recognition and hype,” Shebada told Winford. “The first time I heard a song that say ‘bullet in Shebada face’… at first it was frightening but then I looked at it and say if they can promote me then overseas people are going to want to know who they are talking about.”

Shebada, who is widely regarded as gay, says he is able to move around in Jamaica freely without being attacked or harassed. The comedian also explained why he thinks Jamaica is not the most homophobic place on earth. His large following and or fan base mostly women like him and his palys travel all around and are often sold out; Jamaicans tend to take effeminacy wrapped in comedic characters on stage or screen easier than in person in terms of close family or such exhibiting same character traits. Shebada’s predecessor such as Ranny Williams, Oliver Samuels, Maama Man and other effeminate character actors sometime complete with wigs, dresses and exaggerated make up leave audiences in stitches at times.

“Jamaica pretend to be the most homophobic place,” Shebada said. “Because why are they fighting for a visa to go to places where gay is legal… Artists regularly work for promoters who are gay.”

Mr Ramsey has hit a nail on the head there in a sense, the bravado element in dancehall only seeks to reinforce the bad man posture supposedly as the only or main way to counteract the marginalization of males in general from the lower socioeconomic spectrum of society. A well entrenched bravado and insecurity that has played out ever so tendentiously in the above video. The “argue with Hilary” comment @ 0:24 is a hint by Mr Ramsey to my mind of his nickname in certain circles suggesting a powerful woman i.e. Hilary Clinton and the recent US elections.

The man accused Shebada also of offering some sort of oral sex hints/services

Shebada also says he has plans to launch a career in dancehall at the time.

This one looks and sounds like a ‘pot cussing kettle’ joke.

In November this happened:

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:
Shebada lashes out at 'dancehall hypocrites

Male West Indian Entertainers Donning Female Attire As Part Of Their Acts

From the sublime to the ridiculous 2009

New Age Gays in Dancehall, The Shebada phenomenon 2010

US Promotions Co hits back at "Fire" for Bashment Granny 

Shebada's birthday bash 'drags' in crowd says the Star 

Fake Shebada causes trouble

Thug decoy targeting cruisers again, some take action

The age old problem of so called decoys or ‘double sports’ who are either gays on the downlow, experimenters or opportunists looking to exploit other gay and bisexual men is still with us. As the holiday season is upon us there has been a trend in recent years of this phenomenon of decoys or gay/bisexual men who go berserk in robbing persons even in the middle of sexual liaisons. This latest episode occurred on Saturday December 10 human rights day of all days. Activities tend to increase in the holiday season as trends show over the years as men who would not ordinarily or regularly go outside their sex seeking behaviours then do so even as word also spread by social media of so called successful hunts, penis size notoriety and so on become draw cards or a pull for the curious; another infiltration worry for some existing and ‘expert’ cruisers who do not like or take kindly to a watering down of their once secret spaces. This is not surprising of course as from recorded history this exploitative method in many respects by men to gain material things and so on existed from the Greeks in the socially tolerated phenomenon of pederasty through to present day known as ‘trade’ ‘thots’ ‘heaviots’ and now ‘thuggy.’

Cruisers have already had to contend with reduced spaces over the years in pursuit of the thrill of the manhunt and or hookup from the sharp increase in crimes near or in said zones where gay men gather for quick sex and the on again off again, if not sporadic development coupled with intermittent clashes with other MSM/transgender populations for space use and a feeling of infiltration by those groups. The local authorities have since cleared many often very old spaces in recent months via bulldozers, many other cruisers who use this route to fulfil sex seeking behaviours are either in jail for alleged crimes committed, are scared stiff as times change or are dead after getting involved in gun battles (yes they too do fool around) and others just simply stay away.

A man in his twenties is the latest decoy operative who has been targeting the outdoor cruisers specifically and especially the younger guys found himself the subject of a thrashing of sorts and was chased by two men who stoned him after he tried to rob one of them of a smartphone. One could argue that a smartphone is not an item to have on one’s person when one is on the hunt in certain parts even if it is equipped with tracking capabilities or is locked, the robbers are also savvy and will demand under pain of violence the soon to be former owner of the phone to unlock it or else. The decoy made an approach to one of the newer faced men on the strip in downtown Kingston and demanded he hand over his money and phones at knifepoint. The other man who was nearby and who was supposed to be the victim’s intended hookup at the time intervened, both men tackled the decoy/robber even as he tried to ‘loud up’ the situation alerting passersby on the main road that ‘battyboi dem ova yasso’ (gay men are over here) the phone’s screen unfortunately was damaged in the melee as the men struggled with the knife wielding miscreant to retrieve the phone.

The ‘loud up’ never worked this time around as opposed to previous incidents near or at the same spot, so the two men gave the robber a thrashing according to one of them who I was eventually able to speak to by WhatsApp. They were able to get the phone back and inflict some hits via stoning, they also got the knife as it fell from the would be robber as he made good his escape, this shows the younger cohort of gay and bisexual cruisers are not going to be pushovers by bad eggs within their ranks or decoys from outside who may have an idea of the inner ramblings of gay subculture. In a previous post I had carried a phone robbery matter in the Half Way Tree area by a known gay thug, he has since been arrested alongside other non gay phone robbers and roadside makeshift phone repair men in an elaborate network of robbers and front men the police discovered stretching as far as Manchester and eastwards to St Thomas.

Twice earlier this year there were robbery attempts of a lesser value of money by men who passed through the very spot where this latest incident occurred but hardened cruisers who know full well that some territories are treacherous terrain but still do go there and hope for the best. Cash was taken on both occasions but there was no physical injury, however the handcart lovers matter that was carried on this blog and the subsequent mobbing led to the bulldozing of a section of the area to supposedly stop the ‘battyman dem’ from going there; the spot has a history of gay men and exhibitionists who used the area for years in its various adjustments including a short lived car park activity which was allegedly ordered discontinued by a local don who is now incarcerated aboard.

Let us also recall the soon to be sold old cholera cemetery nearing the Canadian Embassy one of the oldest hookup spots for not only cruisers but commercial sex workers and homeless MSM/transgender as previous posts bring to bear. With the loss of spaces such as this the groups tends to eventually congregate elsewhere, trends suggest that with the reduction of the ‘bathroom’ cruiser phenomenon over the years as well the migration of sorts or crossing over to more hardcore hunting has been on the rise. Some cruisers have taken to going out of town to appease their tastes but that too has come with some challenges to include territorial clashes with other regulars and robberies as well or exposure leading to unneeded or unexpected heat and homophobia.

All I can suggest is that cruisers of one intends to cruise for the holidays be careful as to how and where you choose to be adventurous as tempting as it may be; it may not be worth it in the final analysis. As I used to end my posts back in the day “Be Vigilant, Be Safe”

Peace & tolerance

H

Bus conductor & garage man caught “shaking off!”

A busman and an employee of an informal garage in St Catherine found themselves in trouble recently after they were caught in a compromising position in the form of partnered masturbation or the colloquial MSM terminology “shake off” (aka bac fiss) in an old bus parked at the property. The garage like another garage in Jamaica has mostly males who pass by for repairs, chit chat, bragging about women, play loud music and project strength via bravado, so a same sex action incident would have been the last thing on the minds of many; but given the homo-social nature of how men socialise in Jamaica I am not surprised. Embedded in the extended hours on hours of being in the company of other men some sort of sexual contact is bound to happen in my opinion given the passage of time and as persons get comfortable or used to each other. Cases such as these tend to occur wherever men gather in large numbers to include sports teams, prisons or jail (often seen as substitutional sex), correctional facilities and even boys homes where there maybe experimentation and same sex environments can encourage a kind of consensual situational homosexuality behaviours outside of assaults and abuse.

The incident came to my attention via an email and a subsequent link to a Facebook page where the thing was being discussed much to the laughter and scathing comments thrown at the men about carelessness or finding a private place to get down or what should have been done to them. One comment spoke to the real fear and hatred in some out there where the woman claimed that ‘batteyman de everyweh eeeh you don’t know who fi trust dem days” (gay men are everywhere these days and you don’t know who to trust). Sadly this is one of those lingering fears that drive resistance to any push for amendments to the buggery law and that there are implied predatory intent by the parties involved.

The incident occurred around the early hours on Wednesday last after the men had apparently slept in the bus or other buses as it was being worked on, they apparently wanted the work to be done quickly to put the vehicle back onto the streets for fear of losing income. The men however had other plans as well supposedly unbeknownst to the other men who use the facility, after all ‘man a man’ meaning one should be default heterosexual and not even thinking let alone engaged in gay sexual activities whatsoever. A worker arrived early the morning unexpectedly as business hours would be from about nine but he came across the site of the men in the bus as the windows were opened; he slowly made his way according to reports to really prove for himself what he thought he saw. The men were in a standing position according to the third party, one was shirtless the other was in a merino and a cut off old jeans with signs of grease. Both men were self pleasuring at first but then held on to each other’s penises and fondled each other shafts and testicles.

The surprised witness made an alarm and both men got dressed quickly and tried to coerce the third party not to spill the beans but he was adamant that he wanted nothing to do with no ‘battyman’ and an altercation also occurred as they tried to physical restrain him so he would not make an alarm, the witness managed to remove himself from the tussle. He eventually got away from the scene none the less and made an alarm to the nearby home of the owner with other residents coming out, a crowd gathered thereafter but the fondling players made good their escape; thankfully it did not get uglier but there was raucous laughter and anger as persons in the usual after the drama commentary described what they would have done had they been the one who caught the men.

A similar unconfirmed incident took place in March 2015 also in a bus parked in a lonely part of a cane piece near a waterway in Clarendon involving two men as well but that one died quickly as the driver managed to start the engines and left the scene. One can also recall an infamous incident in the early 2000s where a popular police officer known as ‘Suddy’ short for Sutherland (died in 2003) in Waterford St Catherine had to literally use his large frame with pistol drawn to stop a mob from descending on an old Encava bus parked on the roadside where suspicious activity was in play. The conductor and driver were also having a good time as it were but were subsequently escorted to the Waterford police station with the mob demanding they be released to them so they could exact their form of justice. The men were charged for gross indecency as no penetration was in play at the time but it was thrown of court eventually as the officers never followed up despite subpoenas issued by the judge.

Outdoor sex involving men with other men is something worth looking at in terms of the psychology of it and why do some men do not go private residencies or guest houses some of whom do allow men sharing a flat or room. It is also due to the abhorrence of male homosexuality so if a man wants to fool around he cannot take home a stranger in certain inner city typed geography; so they take the risks, then possibly the business of spontaneity as well there may be no need ‘beg’ for it in the case of a woman as other factors including menstruation may be a block for men who want instant gratification. There are no such questions between men but more so the venue or time and place as this ‘shake off’ matter shows.

Just bad luck this time around but that’s how the cookie crumble, I guess the men must be now seen as persona non-grata in the circles they often frequent and might have to try to live this down for the next couple of years.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Outdoor sex and the issues to being caught

Brawl on Coaster Bus from Portmore ... man accused of riding another's ass 

Profiled lesbians clash with coaster bus crew over stigmatizing & underhanded comments

also see previous coaster bus challenges:
Brawl on Coaster Bus from Portmore ... man accused of riding another's ass while in transit

Gay joke goes wrong ... bus personnel escapes thrashing 2011

Alleged Gay advance upsets 'loader man' in Half Way Tree 2014 

MAN FLEES WITH LOVER’S CLOTHES – LEAVES HIM NAKED AT MOTEL SAYS THE STAR

ON HOMO NEGATIVE CULTURE AND NAKED MEN IN HWT

Don’t get mad if your ‘TOP’ got f@cK#*

Is there anything as an exclusive ‘TOP?’ i say no as I have said in previous posts and just the human condition in terms of wants and needs also smash that concept in my view, experience teaches wisdom I suppose.

So the business of hetero-normative sexual role playing has crept into gay life once again by way of a matter close to home. The old beliefs of a hyper-masculine man is a real or more man than the rest of us with a penis has come to define the power struggles and differentials out there sometimes with awful outcomes of violence, indeed psychological torture or stress. Indeed I like many others am guilty of raising ‘Tops’ to the realms of objectification and or worship as they break the stereotypical gay mould of us being effeminate or striving for some sort of womanhood, so a thug type, trade or gangsta is a highly valued prize in the scheme of things and is often used as a trophy to show off to others in a kind of “I got a man” braggadoshiousness when sometimes some of these archetypes also want what we want; penetration that is, as they too feel they have an obligation to fulfil by way of the consummate stud and images of virility must be maintained or he may become the laughing stock on the circuit or reduced to a “bottom” suggesting he has lost his manhood or bravado sexually speaking.

Such masculine types are not expected by the rest of society on a homophobic tinged belief system to be gay; some feeling of being on the down-low is there and sometimes tolerated in some certain circles such as gangland or prison sex culture which some baby-mothers quietly accept. They look the other way especially if the man is a dominant type and maybe violent as well. Effeminacy must NOT be found anywhere a real man and is vehemently opposed when exposed.

I recently had an interaction with a young man who did not know his boyfriend was straying all along although it was known by those parties who engage him, but blind to the fact his man was out and about getting it down with others as he was not getting it at home or was not prepared to ask for certain activities and pleasures with his main partner. The naive young man was of the delusion (I picked in our exchange) thought his man was his man and that he was all man in terms of playing a top role. Little did he know that his man wanted some dick as well but maybe decided not to ask in order to avoid the feeling of failure as a functioning top or be humiliated reputational out there in the field of the grapevine and such.

I had met the guy at an event I was the DJ at earlier this year and we started an extended conversation but I was not going down the sex road at the time although he is gorgeous, what explains how certain men from the lower economic strata just have that natural look without visiting a gym is amazing to me; chiselled torso, six pack, defined muscles, legs and biceps complete with an 11 incher was too good to resist. I too despite my widening learning of sexuality labelled him in the realm of a typical top but as the conversation went he was expressing more non regular thoughts on pleasure; then it came through that he was looking for a ‘different’ experience, that of having a good dick in his ass. So I obliged in time, our closeness had not gone unnoticed and soon word got to his lover whom he the guy did not announce to me he had. We had a few good moments and it ended at least in the sex department and we kept the friendship otherwise.

To be landed with a furious voice via a phone call that I took his man and such was the last thing I expected and it lasted for some time intermittently. In a kind of ‘tek it and cuss dem’ (take the issue that may offend and attack or embarrass one) I landed him with the doing of the deed and I admit I went off on him but then again I realised he was young or sounded so and is clearly not in touch with some of the realities. He clearly did not understand the nuances of a relationship and that role play cannot or indeed should not be defined literally by how one looks in a same gender union. I have often said that we need to unlearn the hetero-normative constructs that have come to define our sexual relationship health.

I feel some of the guys who are inadvertently trapped by definition due to looks and expected virility want to be released, there comes a point when objectification and praise complete with keeping up appearances can be burdensome which is what could explain why hyper-masculine types seek more sexual exploration and nonsexual friendships with older men such as my age over forty and keep a rigid ‘top’ ‘bottom’ arrangement with younger guys as they seem unwilling to be flexible sexually, there is more to life than being seeing as a sex object for spontaneous sex. They tend to seek deeper conversations with older men as well, given my experiences thus far with those types of guys. Sex between men in an ideal setting maybe should not be restricted to who pushes the dick but it should have flexibility as boredom can set in and persons stray outside for pleasure.

Apart from sex there is the business of just cohabiting and non sexual but meaningful interaction in the relationship be it a liaison for a time or a long term union. Even in ‘open relationships’ or gay polyandrous arrangements there has to be some depth or deep connections between parties and not just a hooker call for sex and couple bucks left on the night table when it’s over.

I guess as long as we operate nationally in the highly sexualised environment we are in coupled with the impact of social media exposing us to more experiences and actualities elsewhere the adaptation or cementing of hetero-normative trends in gay arrangement won’t die off so easily. Even in same gender loving women unions we see the phenomenon play out especially with the clash between ‘butches’ versus ‘studs’ and who is considered more authentic or who is seen as confused traversing the sexual spectrum and identity or aesthetics.

The fact of the matter is people should not get mad if they’re boyfriends stray given the scheme of things these days; after all we all have a dick and ass and have feelings, desires and expectations.

Don’t get mad if your ‘TOP’ got f*****

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Tops, bottoms, power differentials & restrictions in gay relations

Living & dating gay & bi Peter Pan types

The entitlement problem from hypermasculine MSM & negative outcomes

On white men as bottoms in interracial gay porn

To out someone because of no sex!

I can’t tell how many times I have heard this nonsense happen and even witnessed one situation at my former residence several years ago while having my own run in subsequently, if someone is not interested in one or in sex for that matter at the time it is requested or being pursued then for God’s sake leave it alone I say, consent is all. Some men especially some ‘thuggy’ or hyper-masculine types feel they can operate on a sex on demand mantra, I must get it when I want it no matter what, even to the point of sexual assault, they call repeatedly with so called ‘lyrics’ similar to how a heterosexual would go after a woman to get her interested and even suggest that he likes men more than women in a bisexual ethos so as to get his intended target’s cooperation.

A St Catherine residence was where this latest episode went down last evening where a young clerk in his mid twenties who lived alone but occasionally entertain buddies and the usual one night stand naughtiness found himself the subject of a ‘loud up’ by a thug who hailed originally from a Kingston address. The man’s claim to fame is supposedly his endowment and he has been praised by many due to its size and look with online photos to boot; he has taken this praise to mean he can now be the cock of the walk it seems and make demands on weaker or softer gay men, especially semi effeminate or effeminate ones, he wants money or to be continuously gifted (need to be mined or financially taken care of) and in return one must pay for the access to the dick.

The impacted man was introduced to the culprit popularly known as ‘Cleveland’ while being tall, muscular and handsome with a deep strong baritone speaking voice his attitude is another matter altogether. How many times have I seen types like this who meet ones approval aesthetically but is rotten to the core behaviourally; one is just not able to find the right mix so easily these days. After the introduction at a party some time before he eventually developed some familiarity over time but started to ask for money and phone credit at first, not a good sign with these hyper-masculine types especially when they are unemployed. They get complacent and once they are entrenched in ones familiarity they stick and stay like a tick hanging on for dear life with expectations that must be met sometimes complete with bravado and embellished bragging rights to colleagues.

Duppy know who fi frighten (Ghosts know who to scare)

‘Cleveland’ who by now had been making visits to the home with another friend by car decided to turn up unannounced at the St Catherine residence, despite he was told and the other friend operates on a prior contact approval protocol as his schedule does not allow for unplanned visits. He turned up none the less and while speaking to the resident gay man as he looked out from his window’s flat ‘Cleveland’ was not pleased with the response he got; the resident while flattered by the attention from ‘Cleveland’ to a certain extent made it clear no intimacy was to be had that night and he should leave, Cleveland in turn accused him of having another man inside the house and that he was being dissed; the man chased him away outlining his prerogative as to who he can allow and not allow in his own house. The culprit did not take kindly to the rebuff and decided to create a scene in the car park of the residence which was met by an almost equally loud and visibly upset resident which lasted for some twenty or so minutes.

Other residents on the block by this time had come out of their homes and both men had an audience; a few of whom hurled the usual homophobic nonsense while others were more concerned with who the man was and were they safe. There were no security guards around but a few residents had remote security services in place by way of panic buttons etc. Others threaten to call the police, ‘Cleveland’ in the meantime sought to use the opportunity to list all the things he knew or suspected of the resident in colourful Jamaican language while seeking to present himself as heterosexual, using the very homophobic terms at his target but the cowering response he expected out of embarrassment was not forthcoming; a part of this report that pleases me most, one has to stand up to some of this nonsense. The young man decided that things had already gone out of whack and he can always relocate if needs be so he in turn made all in earshot that ‘Cleveland’ was also gay and that he wanted money also highlighting that the one time he refused to entertain him he was trying to embarrass him. Some laughter came from the audience section and some reported comments as to how manly the culprit looked with no sign of obvious gayness.

That was when things got more caustic to involve two other males who came out of their houses, one with a machete at one point. ‘Cleveland’ eventually retreated as he soon realised he was fighting a losing battle but left with a threat to the gay resident, claiming he will see him elsewhere to which the man reportedly replied I have nothing to hide. Connected problems on the social front from closeted or behaviourally bisexual men or ‘gay for pay’ types can lead to all kinds of unintended consequences as this matter showed in some respect. I for one made up my mind about those types years ago as hinted in the introduction in dealing with some men who seem to think one is some property or a waling ABM where cash or phones or such must come upon demand or button press, my own case flashed before me when I was residing at Gore Terrace without the gate and security features then but myself and another roommate stood up to a thug who thought he could scare us by outing methods tempered on a homophobic tinge as most of the culprits who try this method seem to think they can get away with it being masculine acting, preying on a perception that most or all gay men are effeminate; that is still scene as a marker for perceived male homosexuals.

The St Catherine man has been advised to relocate eventually just to avoid anything unexpected event from ‘Cleveland’ and possible company.

Peace & tolerance

H

Jacker on Jack’d got Jacked by Jack

I am still in stitches as an old friend of mine shared his ordeal that occurred earlier this year with me at a lyme recently. He suggested I share it with you guys. With all the new spaces for hook-ups the same old, same old crap still follows; from Yahoo, MSN cam to cam or College men days to now some fools just think that can trick folks and get away with it. Imagine this, meeting a hook up via Jack’d, a smart phone all male hook up application which is the where technology step up from Adamforadam for my older readers who don’t know. Fortunately he is not one to get upset so easily so the joke worked fine, he met a dude on the platform some time ago and they have been communicating for a while but never met as one thins smart dudes know is not to capitulate to pressure to meet just after the first few exchanges. But after some chatting and messaging including pictures exchanged a meeting was in order. The man who hailed from Clarendon made his way to Portmore where my brethren lives and what was supposed to be a hot night ended up becoming a slowly developing nightmare with the dude.

They man arrived, well dressed, smelling good and so on but what happened next was just a reminder of how not to be fooled into believing the man who is in your house is as clean or trustworthy as thought or presented and that one should always vet these fools off site so to speak before the actual meeting, if not at a hotel if one can afford it or use the old switch clothing colour tactic and then watch his reaction to determine where or what he is about. The man commenced to make demands firstly in subtle ways but as the conversation went on it was clear that he was more about trade than about a good quickie. As my brethren turned around to get some items from the refrigerator he was just in time to see the dude with his BLU smart phone and looking around to see if he was being seen. He replaced the phone as soon as he heard the approach of my brethren not realising he was spotted. His motive was clear to the host but he pretended that he did not become aware of the prank and continued the conversation.

It was clear in the host’s mind that nothing fun was going to be had that evening but the trick was how to end it nicely and put him out. That is where the rubber meets the road hence violent outcomes, as both men continued the facade the host according to him had to break the ice, as he tried to do so the expected reaction came. The host (my brethren) decided to inform him that he saw him (the guest) with the phone and was not happy with the matter, to which the man reacted, that he was no thief and so forth. That was where the tensions really began and next came his demand to be paid for his transportation (this is almost 11pm now) and that he was offended that he was labelled a thief despite he was there for some sex. My brethren who is an ex-soldier made it clear to him he had to leave to which the man made threatening gestures and remarks. The thing developed into a physical altercation and the man was eventually forced out of the house but not before damaging a television screen which got cracked as a bottle was thrown at the host by the man in the struggle.

In exchange for the damage the host reacted in the tussle and relieved the man of his Samsung phone S6 in lieu of the TV damage and then proceeded to grace him with a series of select colourful Jamaican words, the man threatened he would find him or get friends to take revenge but the ex soldier was not perturbed by the threats, fortunately the immediate neighbours were not home so all went unheard for the most part as the house is situated in a corner lot he said.

That one was a close shave but it just goes to show how these things can descend into something else rather quickly with unintended outcomes. These trade types, thots, heaviots whatever slang or term you want to use think they are more man than anybody else and that they are owed something; or think men who have sex with men have more money or material wealth than everybody else so the sex comes with a price. They seem interested in keeping up appearances under the guise that gay sex is still taboo so outings and embarrassments and related fears are played upon to influence the power differentials at play.

More anon

Peace & tolerance 

H

The THOT of the walk who is oral

I don’t know what is in the air as of late but certainly the appearing wave of twenty somethings, gorgeously buffed at that coming out as it were is kinda good to watch. It comes with some stereotype breaking as I am seeing and others have been realizing it as well. The matter came up for example at a get together recently where guests were asked by the host to bring another and the demographic was cutely mixed with older men like me in our forties while the younger ‘thots’ came through. Although the original meaning of the term connotes a condescending tone it is also used to describe a hot dude in body and style as well. Probably with the doubling of life expectancy in gay men in particular, this kind of cross fertilization if you will, may appear more pronounced. What was interesting was that unlike times passed the younger men were quite comfortable with their older counterparts and as the Lyme progressed someone raised the oldie on tops and bottoms rigidity; some eyes were rolling but it diverted to oral and role playing to include so called tops who also go down. The eye rollers joined in eventually as the night progressed.

Of course that part peaked my interest, a recent msm support group for example had a very animated discussion with mostly younger guys on the same matter and it really got tense at one point as a self proclaimed top declared he does not go down and no other man can make him; the response of which amounted to him being mistaken thinking he is the cat of the walk. The Lyme’s activities however was almost the direct opposite, one university student claimed he is a top but if his main partner wanted oral action he would go down and saw no issue. Probably socio economic class has something to do with it, men from the ‘streets’ as it were or ghetto tend to hold fast to more aspirational masculine ideals in a kind of mimicking the bravado in music culture of the alpha dominant male, refusing to be subservient in any way, shape or form. Oral sex maybe seen as a capitulation of sorts, to ‘bow’ as previously abhorred more so in dancehall culture in times past, and still such though with way less stridency with the mold broken by acts such as Alkaline, Vybz Kartel and such who stop short of saying the eat women.

Internalized homophobia might be a factor, we are so used to not being accepted so self hate sets in and tiers or levels of gay becomes a part of the social structure, masculine types who feel by a effeminate behaviour the latter deserves condescension burrowing from or mirroring the misogyny in society effectively adding another ‘minority’ within an already stigmatized group.

Sexual freedom seems to be on the rise although I cannot use one night’s event to predict a national trend; but obviously more masculine men especially seem to be unlearning the somewhat rigid hetero-normative role play in liaisons, a point I have been raising on this blog. The chat session in the Lyme got really graphic at one point with persons harking to shaft treatment and such; I am almost sure some folks had a hard on but the point was made that persons were quite comfortable in not following the cutter mold as before. Of course the trade types want go without money involved or some other gifting as inducement. A problem highlighted recently in an arrangement that turned ugly in June of this year, the trade in question upped the price after he was taken home by his interest and upon the end of the sex things got ugly with the result being property damage, oral action was part of the deal as it came to public knowledge of which the trade wanted more money for that added feature. Men who feel they are going down are not men after that and can be ridiculed if it gets out there on the grapevine, and it has happened before with teasing on halitosis to poor skills to include the inadvertent biting and so on.

Gay porn may have something to do with it I imagine, as more and more black gay porn come through the already crowded white and Latino streams and very masculine appearing stars are quite willing if indeed able to go down on camera, and are not embarrassed and caring one way or the other of the criticisms by fans on social media who still buy into the old stereotype and or purist masculinity in gay life/sex. Only femmes or power bottoms must suck dick in other words. Or the thot who does not do anal penetration but insists on getting his dick sucked as he thinks he is the man and his partner is something lesser than he is. Strippers who also perform sex acts on stage have been very open in recent times; the usual hang-up that would accompany such requests by organisers of events seems to be fading as a recent “Men on the menu” event in western Jamaica showed, buffer brothers were quite comfortable in sucking or at least mouthing dicks rather convincingly to a cheering tongue hanging audience, while dollars rained on the stage.

I had my recent run in with one of those thots/trade types who while insisting on other things asked me if I wanted him to go down to which I said yes; at least he was good and had some skills but I wanted more head action that just the shaft as he tended to pay more attention. Given the constraints of seeing this as a national trend I wonder if it is just a phase as part of the sex seeking behaviours of gay/bi men. Added social media adaptation for hook-ups and open profiles on Apps such as Manhunt or Jack’d seem to have had a major impact on same. The hang-ups one would encounter on older sites such as AdamforAdam or Thugsforsex appear to be not so prominent; hence the openness is like more welcoming to me.

More anon.

Enjoy

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

‘Who’s the Man?’: Heteronormativity and Queer Relationships

Oh lord, the ‘area man’ problem again

You may have seen references in previous posts to a phenomenon known as ‘area man’ which effectively means men who are either gay, bisexual, pass-throughs or homo-curious and who reside in the same geographical zone or very close to another gay/bi man. The closeness is further complex by a class division if one is in an middle class neighbourhood in the same zone and the ‘area man’ is from a nearby so called ghetto or unplanned aka squatter settlement and usually carry a hyper-masculine disposition or the proverbial ‘heaviots’ ‘homo-thug’ or ‘trade’ wherein some of us have a hankering for. Problem with such diverse polarities in same gender liaisons are that the proximity quotient can become problematic and an entitlement attitude comes to dominate the relationship; persons may feel that sex should be spontaneous seeing whilst keeping the secret or on the downlow access ought to be easier; demands for money or kind are or should be expected as the freeloader mentality comes into play as well.

Lord knows I had my share of those while I was living in Campbell Town then Franklyn Town and Portmore respectively with men who liked my ability to run the effeminacy and masculine spectrum made their positions known while requesting sex, money, companionship otherwise not possibly available in their own homes or living communities. Effeminacy or the lack thereof is a key prerequisite for the attraction by hyper-masculine types, they fear any form of suspicion being involved in gay activities or associated with a ‘battyman’ so keeping it ‘all man’ is key and often reiterated verbally every now and again.

A young man in his twenties learnt a lesson recently and shared his story by the blog hotline of an ordeal he had with an ‘area man’ and also on the strength of a previous post on the issue. He met a thug who he liked and vice versa but the dude lived in a nearby area and was unemployed, masculine acting, nicely endowed but bisexual as well. While the thug liked him he also was clear as to his ‘babymother’ who is supposedly obligated to service (the first sign of trouble for me). infrequent but short visits soon became more repetitious with more intimacy being added to the mix, with that comes growing demands for financial assistance to buy either food items, weed and it got to a point of clothes and a phone request over time. But the visits started to get sporadic and unannounced with sometimes late hour surprises. With each visit some sexual activity is expected to follow even if the man is not interested at that present time and he had been dating or seeing another man who he tried to curtail his visits so as not to clash with the ‘area man’ party to avoid any challenges. But the third party’s presence or lack thereof was not the straw that broke the camel’s back instead more territorialism and entitlement by the ‘area man’ which became increasingly problematic, so much so that it became nearly violent between the two as the area man felt he was being short changed or would be left out in the cold as the man’s attitude had changed in relation tithe warmth he would encounter with visits. The man reported that he tried to stop the visits for a while so as to let tensions cool but the guy kept turning up on his bicycle sometimes unannounced, usually smoking and his decibels in calling very loudly.

It is situations like this that indeed sometimes lead to problems over time including homophobic appearing incidents and murders which h is why it is so important to get to the heart of the issues before pronouncing on a matter despite the ghastly nature of it, what are the causations or triggers?

So long as the 'two Jamaicas' conditions exist I guess we are going to have to contend with the entitlement issues, downlow phenomenon and such will abound but how do we contend or unlearn some of this. Hidden in some of this is this notion that gay men or MSM who are relatively stable somehow have money to throw away that he (the thug type) is entitled to it somehow as he is a real man than others and in a homo-negative environment so good ‘gansgtas’ are hard to find; so when you do you have to pay for it and like all scarce commodities the price is high. These ‘area man’ know the ropes and use it to their advantage. The liaison has slowed since the report was made and the ‘area man’ upon realising his prospects may not produce the results but I suggested he the impacted man consider relocating in the long run; one cannot be sure if the lull period as it were will end and the repeated visits will recommence, and a smoothing over that some of these guys are good at will come into play.

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

Oh tops & bottoms and rigid role play again.

So after being forced to intervene in a community matter involving brethrens who were in a tiff literally about role play in their now short lived liaison I am left wondering why the obsession with roles? Why can’t we just over time unlearn some of these deeply entrenched hetero-normative role play both sexually and socially driven through education and society where such roles are defined for males and females. There seems to be a usual souring of lovers (if you will) or partners just due to simple things (or appearing such) as who should be the receptive partner or dominant partner and by virtue of that nearly every other aspect of the relationship or liaison is defined by that; down to the very household chores are designated as done in hetero common law or married couples and the established social constructs.

In a previous podcast I had asked some of the very questions above and wondered aloud why or it is no wonder why we have so many challenges in navigating sex, love, identity and insecurities as the case may be. The ‘community matter’ involved a police officer and his partner who share a house in a relatively comfortable area; both men are gainfully employed and are doing relatively OK given the other issues around; things have been going south for a while now ever so slowly but both men never realised it until it was at the end and the ventilating of the issues revealed much. The proverbial ‘spirit tek’ (spirit comforting) was the glue that held the thing together and only for the breaking of that it was inevitable that they would not be compatible after all; the sex was a mere connector to keep them together in what turned out to be a farce mimicking a hetero-relational ‘love’ dream. The officer (the more man) felt he is or was the cock of the walk and worse yet reinforced by that also deeply entrenched ‘squaddie’ mentality in the police force where bravado is license for dominance in all things including the romantic department. Police largely tend to have that attitude of dominance even while being off the job.

The goodly officer refuses to do any chores around the home that denotes a feminine defined one such as the plates or the laundry and literally expects his meals to either ready upon arrival or shared after such where he plops on the couch and watches cable and is expected to be unimpeded while doing so. I was surprised that this deeply defined role play even in the face of heightened gay lifestyle visibility and a younger generation with different value systems would reflect some differences but it turns out the more things change it seems, the more they stay the same. Things got physical at one point with the refusal of the other party to condescend to the ever growing demands of him by the cocky cop and so much so that a trial separation (at my request) was entered into for a short while but soon ended as the expenses on each other’s part did not make it practical. But it was clear upon their return that it could not be business as usual.

The other party was content with being the domesticated member of the union but was not willing to be bossed around or forced to carry out such duties at the expense of his “lazy” cocky cop; the cop also thought of himself as the proverbial exclusive top and that no man was going to plug him or penetrate him anally. Of course the fear and insecurity that comes with such declarations are clear, the conflation with dominance (or perceived such) as expressed in the power of the penis and its forceful use defines who is the man in the relationship therefore defines everything else around him. The misogynistic driven thinking in same gender unions is still bothersome to me as it does do damage rather quickly in some unions, worse yet when there was no love in the first place but more an escape from homo-negativity by cohabiting with another gay man to reach for some goal or fantasy.

Some years ago an attempt was made to try to begin to address relational matters and my own experience with a couple short lived liaisons has taught me a lot but it is not going to be easy to adjust for some younger men especially who are either bi-curious, homo-curious or gay for that matter and who enter into mid to long term unions; while entering such come with preconceived notions and baggage from opposite sexed unions as well and their complexities. The other influences are even more disturbing as things normally hidden or unheard of are just out there on social media especially some the madness now obtaining on Instagram in recent months; the usual narcissicism, clear displays of insecurities with one gay man sighting possible suicide as he feels unwanted and trapped. Thankfully the necessary interventions were sought on his behalf and engaged to timely intervene in that matter. Another now removed Instagram post of a ‘butch’ lesbian and another woman, not sure if she was her ‘lover’ in the true sense that was up in March was even more disturbing as the related role play, suggested intimate partner violence and dominance as expressed in a masculine sense was painful to watch; it denotes the ways in which deeply entrenched societal norms can have a direct impact in LGBT circles.

I suggest we unlearn and encourage our brethren to begin to unlearn the rigid entrenched socialization based on hetero-patriarchy and misogyny and begin to properly define our own way; diversity in MSM culture is already there and maybe some highlighting of same as maybe other brothers are not aware of such.

Peace & tolerance

H

Oh those ‘str8’ bi-curious boys & their emotional baggage

I have to agree with my friend who said words to the effect as in the post’s title it is on rare occasions one run into men who are supposedly on the fringes on the continuum of homosexuality and experimentation or exploration. They are ever so cautious yet defensive especially when it comes to role play in sex; oh no no bottoming, ‘man a man, man a nuh oman’ (I am a man not a woman and therefore won’t bow) or play a passive role, it is just too much to play the sexual role of a woman hence all other kinds of responses and masking comes forth. I have spoken to such experimentation and insecurity before in previous posts such as a recent run in by an old cruiser brethren of mine who sustained a broken arm after a tussle with another man after a brief sexual encounter; yet the man literally freaked out that he erred in doing the act and then sought to blame the very brethren he just enjoyed a partnered masturbation session with.

I met a fella on adam4adam recently, yes I use it like some of us do and then pretend they don’t acting all decent and stuff; we know very well that that site is still the main hookup centre apart from social media; in meeting the dude in stealth online we finally exposed our true identities after some extended communication although he wanted a more instant approach based on my profile pictures of my dick and ass; no face pictures are up as is customary for many Jamaican members. Such anonymity has other implications of trust, deception an such that I won’t get into now but suffice it to say this lead up to the actual hookup was relatively smooth. We met face to face finally after several whatsapp and A4A messaging and I liked what I saw physically; frankly I was not interested in his mind for say as his dick photo was what pulled me into him. The 36 year old was coy pretentiously at first but soon opened up and expressed that he liked me as I was not girly (the first sign of insecurity and policing of attitudes or even aesthetics) I am very comfortable in my own skin and it took years to get there so I get very careful in navigating hook-ups or socializing with men who express such scrutiny.

We met eventually and finally decided to do the deed by the usual you show me yours I show you mine lead in then the exploration; bearing in mind I have not used A4A for a while but met my hook-ups at parties I DJ at or repeat sessions with trusted buddies and cruising catches. As this is not my Xrated blog I won’t get into too much sexual detail but use your imagination as if you were with a man in a sexual encounter. The shocker however to me was he did not want to go all the way but wanted me to play a full passive or receptive role (as a woman) bearing in mind I am fully versatile; although he described himself as gay (not sure he understand sexuality) he refused to reciprocate in certain respects as he saw it effectively a feminizing is too much for him and he was not willing to budge any in terms of exploring the options and feelings. His defence afterwards was he was only ‘passing through’ a term I have had said to me repeatedly with previous hook-ups. In supposedly ‘passing through’ he may be implying he is not ‘gay’ in the true sense of the word as homosexual as that has too much attached to it in terms of effeminacy; remembering he said I was not ‘girly’ a frightening issue for many men who have sex with men but are on the proverbial downlow or ‘passing through’ types.

So in ‘passing through’ he is not obligated to go all the way by engaging in flip flop suggestion or request. Sexual contact must therefore be limited and left to the hetero-normative sex with strict roles carefully observed in bed and everyone must stay in their place; no touching beyond the norm or exploring certain parts of the body in the fondling process. I have met men who even literally define or dictate the boundaries of where I can go or touch including the feared wandering of fingers and hands by the anus or butt cheeks; one guy told me some years ago that my hands must not pass his waist but I can do anything with the front end.

Back to this present guy, in the after conversation surprisingly he was patient to conduct as other men similar to him I have met just hit it and quit it afterwards with no extended talk as the ‘man a man’ (I am a man) mantra takes precedence and real men do not talk too much like women. He said he always had feelings for men but kept it real quiet and had a girlfriend up until some time ago while stoutly declaring that she was not aware but I have no way of proving that. Cautious approaches to sex with defined or prescribed activities/demands and navigating socialization is a clear sign to me of the bi-curious types; but I have mastered the art of working my way around them. He declared that we cannot meet too often (the ‘pass through’ business again!) and that he doesn’t really see himself as ‘gay’ in other words by virtue of having limited sexual contact with the same sex in his eyes he is not gay; by virtue of having a woman or being attracted to women he is not gay as well (there is something called bisexuality); by virtue of playing a traditional hetero-masculine sexual role albeit with another man he is a man’s man and so being ‘gay’ is some journey to feminization and a weakening of his manhood. These are real fears that have had an impact on how men who have sex men interact and even fall out with disastrous consequences at times often seen as crimes of passion when they go public. Luckily I got one of the docile ones (whew!) but who knows? A friend of mine had an experience some years back where he had to literally run away from a hotel he had just had a not session with as the guy literally changed guilt blaming my bro that he made him do something he was not into really but he had a hard-on none the less and was clearly interested in what was going on but did nothing to stop it in the heat of the moment.

I would love a study or an expert to help me grapple with how men who have sex with men just can change their stance or personas literally especially after sex. Masking or self denial even in the face of just having sex with another man is baffling to me. I had jokingly come up with a name some years ago in an old blog post referencing a similar change of persona matter; I had named it P.E.A.D post erotic arousal disorder; 

see: P.E.A.D a man's attitude changes after sex 2008 from sister blog GLBTQ Jamaica

I am not a psychologist so to have ‘disorder’ in the name is just for emphasis as I and others via reports have had run ins with men who just literally change right before your eyes after sexual activity. After sex guilt often seems to be the evidential outcome of such change and is usually more visible in hyper-masculine types as opposed to semi or fully effeminate men; as if they are helpless to pursue their true urges but when they do the feeling of shame and committing a sin of some sort sets in.

I expressed that we should keep in touch and he agreed after a short ponder; he sounds willing to engage outside of the hook-up imperative but definitely not a relationship. Others would just meet skeet and leet lol after the wipe up in the comings and goings of the hook-up.

Nuff love.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see from sister blog GLBTQ Jamaica: Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies & Safety ..

Modern gay love, dating apps & deception wrapped in homophobia

Orgies, Intruders & Safety