So I like many other gay and bisexual men in Jamaica ran into one of these hyper-masculine types (that I really like) in early 2014 in my community and we have had a couple quick sessions mostly as partnered masturbation as preferred by him as he has a minor erectile dysfunction challenge (I swear it is a overuse of ganja caused). These fellas usually unemployed or unemployable heavy marijuana users, expensive clothes wearing types to project affluence in some respects while displaying a public homophobic stance, misplaced bravado to project strength are sometimes on the downlow (the louder they ‘bun fire’ the more likely I say) and usually tie in secrecy, expected payment of some sort (mostly financial) such as access to a more or unexposed better quality of life one may enjoy and a feeling of someone owing them some obligation or the entitlement phenomenon due to their masculinity or bravado real or imagined that they use to stamp their identity on those who they engage and also themselves as a form of self validation of manhood.
They usually use their endowment, naturally well defined bodies and even nonexistent effeminate traits (fear of the feminine) as bait or bragging chips for engagement with other more affluent yet less masculine men which right away implies hetero-normative role play in such non romantic male sexual liaisons.
In previous posts I had looked at the ‘Battyman Entitlement Phenomenon” from a different perspective that of where is crosses with advocacy and HIV prevention work as evidenced in disruptive behaviour by sub groups under the MSM umbrella hence given justification by some non state actors to refuse or hesitate to engage such groups and individuals. Take a look at the ongoing homeless MSM challenges between JFLAG, Jamaica AIDS Support and others and it is clear that version of entitlement as it comes with an public effeminacy component to embarrass such agencies seeing such displays are frowned upon by not only general society but by more privileged or elitist MSM who often sadly are the managers of such programs or NGOs. Here the class divide also presents itself as problematic.
Earlier this month the dude I had mentioned came by my house as he occasionally would but this time unannounced (maybe he feels prior successful visits now qualifies him to turn up freely) as he would call prior to arriving and make his requests usually precursory by a money request in an Anancyist type or roundabout way (not that we were in a commercial arrangement officially) “bossy mi a ask fi a 5 bills” (my friend I am asking for $500) (“bossy” is a colloquial style of flattery suggesting a boss like or elevated position of the persons who is so named) or words to that effect. He like others would not out rightly ask for sexual favours directly unless he like others felt or have a dominant role in the liaison but when in person would hint to same or as in this case go as far as displaying his penis not erect to suggest what he came for, bearing in mind his reasons for most visits is for assistance in getting a release due to his performance challenges. Such masculine types (sometimes operating on a social construct of compromise in non romantic same gender liaisons) do not ask for sex that easily unless it is context in a position of dominance as passiveness is seen abhorrently in the quest of protectionism of their ego. We did eventually satisfied each other orally as successfully achieved before, an unusual arrangement again from my understanding of how these types operate as passiveness as hinted above is not the norm in such sometimes mechanical sexual contact as defined by them, sometimes one gets a list of don’ts prior to sex action that are too sensitive for their comfort the sex is very mechanical and must also reflect masculine ideals in a few instances in my experiences; for example no kissing, no tonguing of the ears or there erogenous zones or even touching of the buttocks as that implies passive positioning or feminine role play. He was quite comfortable and willing from the onset to return the oral favour to me which makes our sessions interesting devoid of cautiousness on what I do or want to request.
Some hyper types insist on demanding sometimes to be in the ‘top’ or dominant position in whatever sexual arrangement be they penetrative or not. After our fun he then asked (at 10pm at night) to sleep over as he claims he could not enter his community at that hour which I knew to be untrue to which I responded no as he turned up unannounced (used more simpler language) and he was lucky I had no guests or family coming by or over-nighting so he was accommodated; to this he reacted angrily. Our exchange of words lasted a while then he decided to play the soften up card where he offered more sex as a way to cool tempers but I knew where he was going; cannot fool me. Such demands or insistence of dominant role play is very important for some and they will defend it to the ground if needed with sometimes very violent reactions, my short experience in prison both as an incarcerated gay man charges for buggery and as HIV Prevention officer for a certain NGO has exposed me to those demands in more ways than one. The man don’t bow ideology is as real as the air we breathe and any suggestion otherwise gay, downlow, prison wife phenomenoned or behaviourally bisexual may elicit a violent response if he fees dissed or reduced or belittled,
Even after acceding to my bredren’s request for the $500 and the second suck-session he still asked for $300 more afterwards and said he would link me some other day soon, I cautioned him however to call as he often did before prior to turning up ad that not all of his visits would result in sex. I was a bit annoyed by the occurrence although I am used to it with others before like him in similar circumstances, friends refer to the same problem of entitlement occasionally too. I have other male buddies who jack off or get into oral sex from time to time and the pattern of entitlement is clear in most cases of masculine men who hail from mostly lower socio-economic classes who come with already pre-conceived notions of class victim-hood by virtue of their social standing and less affluence, long held or cultivated views of gay men in the middle class having more affluence and real disposable income (partially true given lesser obligations as opposed to heterosexual men in common law unions or marriages).
I do not get that type of demand or response from white collared, middle class or more affluent men who I bed as their goals and imperatives are different.
It is such hypermasculine versus other type man on man setups that sometimes lead to awful outcomes, murders included of some of our brothers (often describe as crimes of passion by anti gay voices) I as addressed it in a podcast recently as the issues of power differentials between men involved in sex with each other playing out in the complex mix of:
Misplaced bravado heavily relied upon
Sexuality, sexual orientation,
Fears (especially of the feminine)
Loss of power (real or imagined) psychologically
Imperative of maintaining the sex secrets and blackmail in some cases
A recent lecture at Kingston College’s 90 anniversary celebration activities and Founders week (wherever April 16th falls) as presented by Reverend Dr Marjorie Lewis (formerly involved in interfaith/LGBT talks I was apart of in 2009 – 2010 at JFLAG) of the United Theological Seminary spoke to some of the aforementioned challenges (excluding homosexuality directly) in masculinities. Ironically KC the goodly previously all male North Street school (now allows girls into sixth form) has been labelled ‘Ketch Man College’ (Catch a man college) by some including former students who are gay or bisexual as a joke suggesting gay intent and connections there jokes aside, even our young seem to buy into it as if homosexuality is contagious in part and then situational homosexuality in another via prolonged daily socialization of the males.
Remember the uproar after UWI Lecturer Dr Carolyn Cooper’s poorly written satire of the past student advertised all male only dinner?
Reverend Dr Lewis addressed manhood via a lecture entitled Who a di real man? (Who is the real man?) ‘Reflections on Reformative Masculinities.’ It dealt with how ‘real men’ can find ways to reinvent themselves in society in positive ways supposedly. Present deputy head boy of KC Jaevon Brooks in a radio interview said that redemptive masculinity is when try to see themselves as superior one should know when to dress back or correct oneself after doing something wrong, suggesting the over reliance of bravado to stamp identity. The issue of soft men came up and that men who were ordered were assumed to be gay and non conforming to which Mr Brooks replied that men should be confident in themselves and that labels should not bother one.
The Brian Williamson case for example brings that out clearly, often described as a homophobic motive murder by LGBT advocates when the accused (now serving life in prison) ‘Wingee’ was one of the very fellas who the deceased was assisting financially as he was aided in starting his newspaper sales but the entitlement phenomenon shows up. Unannounced visits despite Brian’s insistence of not doing so, unusual security features on the property including electrifying the perimeter fence to stop persons from scaling it to attend the then Club Entourage (I was one of the resident DJs); the membership only policy to supposedly get rid of the riff raffs but it did not stop them.
It is these internal sub group challenges in socialization under the MSM umbrella that has clouded advocacy in as far as crisis reporting or communication in justifying gay on gay (or downlow) violence versus genuine homophobic cases. Thankfully my party involved in the outlined matter was not one of those (thus far) that seem to lapse into the guilt and shame contemplation activity that sometimes present itself every now and again. Sometimes there are expressions of regret after sex suggesting they were forced or overcome by the urge in the moment as they supposedly do not subscribe to gay sex or want to stop practicing altogether but fall into it yet still. Hence the attachment of money requests I suspect, of course this outside of substitutional sex as well as many of this men are either naturally gay, bisexual or at least behaviourally so. Sometimes I swear if one could open the minds of these hypermasculne types while involved in man on man action the fantasy would be about a woman in a type of psychological switch hitting fantasy whilst feeding a desire for a quick release through whatever male who is available at the time, seeing that sexual demands from women can have some hurdles to overcome some natural (menstruation), convenience (space not available or children in the way) and others refusal or sudden dislike by the woman.
Nationally the entitlement problem or idea is endorsed somewhat via dancehall music, one could argue whether it is a chicken or egg scenario as art imitates life. Songs such as the now rare Buju Banton’s ‘Oman a mine me’ (A woman is supporting him financially) is one such track that emphasizes such entitlement of men suggesting subservience of women and indirectly a similar idea in same gender non romantic liaison seeing that there is some rubbing off or burrowing of those ideals. In today's Jamaica this idealistic stance is almost so real in the majority as more women evidenced by university attendance and living single are the bread winners in heterosexual relations and are delaying having children or even a male partner more a boy toy in some sense.
Peace and tolerance