Poor social media navigation still causing fallouts

As social media platforms become the more accepted form of expression from a local perspective older, some younger or inexperienced users are learning the hard way. Even as Facebook is still seen as the master of the social media avenues and other micro blogging platforms such as Twitter play near catch up alongside Instagram for the more hip youngsters it seems the excitement of it all is somehow causing mistakes to be made and inadvertent outings by users is leading to all kinds of clashes and even forced evictions. While social media has helped greatly in raising the visibility of LGBT people in Jamaica and enhances networking indeed online based advocacy and interventions it has come with some unintended consequences if one is not careful. Bearing in mind we are coming from the days of exclusion, mainstream media omissions and obfuscation and homo-negative stigma. Only privileged so called ‘uptowners’ who penned articles & letters to the editors of print media while some columnists such as Jennifer Ffrench(actual spelling) tried their hands at matters on bisexuality and so on. We did not have blogs then and computers so it was an Olympia typewriter for example that was used by outfits then such as Gay Freedom Movement, GFM. 2016 there were three such reports, with one confirmed that came to hand and the simplicity of the matters may have looked just that, simple; they however exploded into something else as arguments ensue and things got physical in one case in St Ann.

The business of profiling persons due to their perceived sexual orientation by watching the gender of the likes of photos or comments, comparing how many women if any are on the publicly listed friends’ list, screenshots and archiving of comments only to have them surface in the future if and when an argument ensues as proof that they ‘knew all along’ there was a series of online workshops in 2015 and again in 2016 by some but of course the usual lack of continuity is the deterrent and as previous posts on this blog tried to accomplish some feedback suggested some folks took heed. There needs to be a sustained intervention of some kind with funding or not as it does not require that so much, but with some folks everything must have a stipend or salary before they act which is what spoils or indeed drastically slow any work that is required.

Quick cases summary:

1). St Catherine a young man was forced to relocate to a rented space after a relative checked his Facebook page just after the platform changed how persons profiles appear, the new introduction section on top of one’s work history he apparently placed words to the effect that he was gay and proud; in doing so without filtering who he wanted to see the declaration such as relatives it all came out. The relative, an aunt made a scene of the matter and although she is older she recently acquired a smartphone and is still learning how to navigate same. She demanded the young man find his own space as she was not going to tolerate any ‘battyman’ at her house. The man’s other family are overseas.

2). The proverbial leaving the device/phone unattended happenings, this one in early 2016, the phone was peered into and messages perused, Instagram and Facebook profiles examined and the male relative who did so went as far as to create a fake profile with a muscled torso as the main picture leading to sending a friends’ request to the male owner of the phone. The man fell for the request and responded positively to the request without first verifying who the person behind it was. Weeks later the man in question found himself getting violent messages and a female relative could almost recount what he commented on, which photos he liked and asked why did he have so many men on his friends’ list, she was also furious that he had a profile of this nature but never added her and instead added her to a more pristine profile instead. The man simply went to crash with a friend and allowed things to die down.

3). A carry over from a 2015 matter with a similar profiling construct around it, this time with an older gentleman as the impacted person. It was a co-worker who was the homophobe involved but ironically that co-worker has since been fired for other reasons outside of the hate. The co-worker was watching the man’s Facebook profile for some time and as he posted links to various stories that were LGBT friendly. It was another co-worker who pulled the man aside and told him in confidence about the shenanigans of the now fired homophobe. Thankfully that one did not end up in worse case scenario but it shows how easy a simple use or misuse of a profile can land people in challenges.

Questionable narcissism

As visibility is raised however there are some concerns about the near frenzy some persons share almost anything on social media; in almost a desperate search for attention or the misguidedly valued ‘Like’ as I said much to the laughter of a group recently the only thing I have not seen yet are photos of persons leaving the pieces in the porcelain after use but I guess that would be not allowed by the platform managers. Uploading photos of food for example and such at a rate that is astonishing sometimes it makes for worry and wonderment as to when do persons find time to things in the real world or engage real people when individuals including and most disturbingly LGBT operatives and advocates as it were post and tweet away like crazy. Is it to compensate for the missing years of tolerance or acceptance by others? While I understand that it does something for the self to be out and proud (relatively speaking) it is going beyond crazy at times; changing photos every hour almost on the hour, tweets that amount to be mindless inane babble and shade throwing the biggest one of them all while presenting what could amount to be a farce of altered or bettered versions of themselves. It is something that has been on my mind since 2012 after what could be described as a dual personality related matter where the online persona was nowhere near the true picture in real time.

That case had some consequences as well and it pushed some to ask persons to be just a little bit more truthful about their profiles and such.

Some social media usage tips: (several others exist elsewhere)

1) Monitor carefully your profile as best as possible

2) Set boundaries just in case

3) Filter your friends’ list or followers to maybe include those who are able to see what is on your page/profile

4) Occasionally check your settings as sometimes a policy change and or new features added tend to adjust ones profile to a system default, often without notice from the platform operators

5) Block persons the moment there is drama and if necessary screenshot any threats and so on if made

6) Set up private pages with persons with like interests as members so as to avoid others on your main profile to become just a little bit too inquisitive

Other platforms such as GRINDr have been having their own challenges as well, as a recent fake profile incident shows, the profile’s owner became the brunt of the joke in the final analysis as he was led into an entrapment of sorts after robbing a phone from someone after a one nigh hookup. Deceptive THOTS and trade MSM are everywhere and they will use any means necessary to hustle. Adam for Adam is still used but not so much by millennials as older men like myself; they have since stepped up their game though in terms of security/verification features alongside a strengthened phone-APP to meet the competition out there. Tagged also has been quietly making some changes too.

More anon and happy hunting with vigilant usage

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies 

The THOT of the walk who is oral

More on power bottoms ....................

Cyber bullying, stigmatization, decency and such

Cyber bullying, stigmatization, decency and such

Trolling a word coined in recent years coupled with dog piling is becoming a major issue now in Jamaica it appears, especially with LGBT persons as visibility just by observation has shot up in years. REDIT, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram and others are the main platforms where the bashing, insults and threats come forth. Caleb Orozco of UNIBAM who recently won his Supreme Court constitutional challenge to buggery has been the recipient of severe death threats, threats he and his supporters have not taken lightly especially when it is home grown. Locally since the bigoted tweet turned Facebook and Instagram diatribe of 110m gold medal winner Omar Mcleod at the Olympics the continued abuse even so many days after and despite the principled action taken by the company involved LASCO FOODS the threads go on. Some persons are still surprisingly calling for boycotts blasting the company whose name was inadvertently brought into near disrepute.

One particular pose by Mcleod couples with what appears to be a thumb ring on his left hand has not gone unnoticed by those who are looking for reasons to suspect homosexuality in persons; the old belief that a thumb ring is a definite indirect marker as such feel justified in the phobia/bigoted slugfest.

The ease at which such online abuse can come is disturbing to some and I contend that the platforms can sometimes take forever to take action when offensive posts/comments are made and are flagged by the target or their friends. Twitter’s newer capabilities have a jury system to address such abuse in order to arrive at a decision effectively by one’s peers similar to a civil court system. Facebook and Instagram if not Manhunt, Jack’d and Adamforadam do not seem to act quickly as well when reports are made of abuse of suspected fake profiles when they are discovered to be such. The consequences of abuse is also bizarre at times and it is not until one meets someone who is actually impacted by same that the evidence shows up clearly the abuse can do, persons literally get bogged down, may stop using the platform for a while or delete their profiles altogether. Indirect smears without naming persons is one thing but when it is directly targeted at individuals and openly so then it becomes nasty, intimidating and just in poor taste.

When or where do they draw the line in terms of decency, appropriateness and outright abuse is clearly evident? Similar to everyday etiquette which guides cordial relations face to face but with the added near immunity of hurling insults from a remote device with very little consequence including the ‘shame’ factor makes the issues go way out of control. Anyone can take or copy a photo create a fake profile, watch the copied friends’ list and proceed to act as the original holder of the online persona only to create sometimes severe damage to friendships, some persons do take their personal friendships online and do not understand that there is a detachment that comes with online personas. I have it remarkable when meeting some persons who are vibrant on social media but face to face I am left wondering if this is a multiple personality issue, then there is the question of concerns of reduced social skills due to overuse or over focus online versus in persons socializing. At a recent meeting for example I and others had to ask persons to remember we were actually in a meeting as persons fidgeted with their phones with intermittent beeps and vibrations as evident on the table the phones sat. I had to remind persons that the meeting is where the focus should be.

What is also annoying is when one is out let’s say at lunch or at the club and persons in the same space or the same table who can see you literally send a PM on Instagram or poke me on Facebook while they are right there near to me. I just ignore them save and except if the message and such has a private context attached to it. I am particularly concerned about the newer millennials who ever so vicariously live their lives online with no seeming restraint as everything is thrown up from dinner photos to clothing, the only thing left to be shown are the pieces left in the porcelain after use a friend and I joked about recently but it is serious. It raises questions of self esteem, deception, narcissism and just plain insecurity. Sometimes we need to simply put the phone(s) down.

Outings on social media is also still an issue with a couple of reports floating around but difficult to confirm as persons simply close their old accounts when things can get really out of hand. The grabbing of photos editing them and sometimes without the target’s knowledge the changed image is sent all over the place tagged with homophobic verbiage and memes as a recent case brought to bear, what was even more egregious was that it was done by another gay man as both parties were in a longstanding dispute and in aggressor’s eyes that how he could get his revenge. Cyber bullying therefore is not ‘an us and them’ matter but also an intercommunity issue. Legislatively we aren’t quite there yet then there is rebuttal of ‘free speech’ while ignoring the responsibility that comes with said free speech; some believe that have a right to abuse others whilst claiming their targets can use block features to avoid such as in their eyes the whole episode is a joke, we have a saying that says ‘what is joke to me is death to you’

The speed at which a simple accusation truthful or not can grow into a viral thread or tweet is remarkable, all the more reason persons need to be careful what they put out there, not to mention the fact that everything can be screenshot now and thrown back in the faces of those who think they can deny or refute the origin of the offending post or tweet. A recent comment by a Chinese female athlete on menstrual issues went instantly viral on Weibo, their version of Facebook. Nearly 50 million clicks later on one of the hashtags #period she was condemned for the most part for being too open about a sensitive matter in the eyes of some for women and should have been private. What the episode has eventually shown are the myths of the use of tampons and virginity. Le sigh.

Here are some recommendations of avoiding cyber bullying:

Don't respond.

Don't respond. If someone bullies you, remember that your reaction is usually exactly what the bully wants. ...

Don't retaliate. ...

Save the evidence. ...

Talk to a trusted adult. ...

Block the bully. ...

Be civil. ...

Don't be a bully. ...

Be a friend, not a bystander.

Peace & tolerance

H

On white men as bottoms in interracial gay porn

So I commented recently on a post by fellow blogger a{GAY}tekeeper{iam on a similarly captioned post where he asked at the time why does it seem that white or Caucasian men seem to be the bottom or receptive partner in gay porn? (or words to that effect) A couple answers came in and in my comment I had suggested that maybe it had something to do with the objectification of African descended men and the whole notion of big penises, virility, and endowment and so on. 

porn added for this post

My comment was:

"Maybe it has something to do with the objectification of us as black men and the way in which power is defined as resident in our penises and dick sizes and the associated use (in the fuck), submission might be a means to get away from the established reality of the present power differentials of privileged Caucasian males ..... this is a subject matter worth exploring some more, Howie." 

What I never added was the animalistic component as well when pitted against white men being privileged as gay men long before the struggle for equality and the expansion of porn producers, actors and owners becoming more diversified.

It appears that most production houses of interracial porn tend to be run by white men or white producers and within I would say the last fifteen or twenty years with the explosion of black stars such as TJ Swan, Humongous, Bobby Blake and Daryll Harris and so on; all of whom have also done interracial movies. In the days of VHS tapes and getting movies we even in Jamaica were bombarded by white starred clips and movies such as the Stallion series and those stars. If one got their hands on an all black gay movie one would be lucky. Nowadays there is so much to choose from and like a revolution we have gone back to the pre-condom, pre-HIV epidemic days where men just fucked so long as the hole was looking good, hot and of course clean.

The other generations of porn stars seem to be pushing the envelope on all fronts, from experimentation with scatting which I am not big fan of to cum-farting to dirty ass eating with either other black men or white or Latino men as well. Bearing in mind the (b)Latino influence as well in what I see as the cross over from white porn becoming less popular in minority circles to a more steady acceptance of seeing our own archetypes fucking. There was a whole cadre of Latino stars too numerous to mention who were in the interim of the 80s, 90s and early 2000s who also made their mark; at one point I can remember the push for (b)Latino movies with people like Castro, Vic (80s star) and other big dick stars especially in movies like “I Was a Teenage Hustler” comes to mind. Present day stars such as Cornbread, Dream, Jiovanne, Redz, Nubius, Remy Mars, JT, Shorty J(known for the cellphone in his hole), Breion one of my favourites as the expert rimmer, Pimp and so on do not seem so keep in interracial scenes though, maybe with the exception of Breion he has done a few. I wonder why, while newer white stars seem to be interested in getting down with a black dick. Production houses such as Thughunter seem to make it their point of duty not only to do outdoor seeming impromptu sex scenes which I kinda like but also specialize in mixed race actors with usually the white guy as the bottom mostly although flip flops also are done in some others.

I like watching a good black dick going in some white ass indeed sometimes but not on a regular, frankly there is a feeling of taming or disciplining some privileged white dude. I guess dick is dick and as long as it is good and the owner is a good user does it matter his race? Maybe there is an exploratory component to; to step outside the norm and or comfort to try something or someone new or different from oneself. I am concerned though that bare backing maybe seen as normative in gay sex and risk of HIV may be construed as immaterial. I know it is tempting with that good tightness and skin to skin but do we really know our fuck buddies status? In a workshop earlier this year the issue came up with some young gay men aged average early twenties and a few of them did openly expressed that they have done it bareback which was a little surprising to me; the justification was they have seen it in gay porn and it looks tempting and the tightness factor also came through. I guess some of it also linked to dancehall culture’s persistent reference to the misogynistic messages on sex and dominance in the act, coupled with harder sex being seen as good, the rougher the better and the old glamity/punnany construct a comparison to a woman’s vagina.

I have had requests over the years from white men on platform such as Adam4adam and so on who have a fantasy on island men; they think we all somehow or another have massive 15’’ dicks and will fuck the living daylights out of any hole we get. Our local gay or mixed porn sites though blocked to us here in Jamaica thanks to former Prime Minister Bruce “not in my cabinet” Golding have made sure they find and showcase massive dick holders such as Rass Mansta whose 14 incher is a favourite for many (including me lol); I wish I could get it to suck. Many orgy seekers who are from Europe as well have this notion of well hung black men here coupled with the fact that endowed ‘rent-a-dread’ concept that exists in some tourists areas for not only women but male clients as well. I have had my share of ‘white meat’ but no offence to my Caucasian readers I prefer my own Jamaican meat and or African descended partner(s) . It is not only Caucasian men that request or have notions of grander of the big dick island boy but also African American, Afro Canadian and Afro UK men who make requests or message me online on various platforms; I guess the big buddy Jamaican man is a phenomenon we have to live with. Even African American thugs who are also well endowed want to hookup with other local brothers to stick fight I suppose.

I guess as more tolerance comes through, barriers on all fronts including race relations settle, expanding visibility of interracial porn especially and accessibility is going to cement mixed race relationships, liaisons and quickies we are going to see more bottoming of Caucasian men.

Keep fucking brothers and remember to wrap it up if you are not sure.

Peace & tolerance

H

Modern gay love, dating apps & deception wrapped in homophobia

As smart phones takes the place of many activities in our lives as there is an app for almost every darned thing these days from car wash services to booty call or hook-ups or even scamming where the infamous lotto scammers in trying to get serious cash also use the technology. Kinda knock some of the fun from the real deal sometimes but be that as it may I have posted before on deceptive hook-ups gone bad and fake Adam4adam profiles leading to some serious entrapment issues and even kidnapping. 

also see: Dubious Adam4Adam Profiles, Unscrupulous Sports, Gay Imposters, Robberies & Safety ..2014 and Cruising posts fro GLBTQ Jamaica (newer posts will appear first)

I am coming from the good old days of face to face links and a one off cruising jack off and or good one night stand but from a place of spontaneity which is so much the better for judging someone than using social media, online or dating apps.

Meeting through mutual friend is way better yah man.

To be armed with an industrial size fishing net that can fit in one’s pocket is ok in modern times but face to face is still the best for me and anyone can pose as a mystery date of muscular thug trying to lure one into a meeting or fuck; a reported Instagram based near miss attack last year just reminds us the dangers involved despite the wider availability and outness of young LGBT people who sometimes openly flirt on Facebook ( believe me I have had my share as recent as a couple days ago); it’s one thing to ask basic questions it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame when just by my photos or videos a total stranger can ask me if I want a one night moment or big is my dick or if I am a top or bottom or versatile. 

The biggest question I get most of all is how old am I? My birthday was on February five and at 43 I am a little tired of being told I look so young or do not look my age; yes I am flattered but sometimes it is just too much ammunition for an inappropriate approach as I am a little old fashioned in terms of intrigue and suspense or mystery thrill of the flirt. Frankly sometimes the welcome is warm and the flattery effusive.

It is easy to say things to someone behind a bubble on a screen and imaging and typerize in a sense fantasies that one will say in a face to face meeting, although the internet is a democratizing advantage it is also an echo chamber so to speak for bullshit such as profiling, fake pics, alter egos for so called felt lack or perfection, objectification issues which can sometimes lead to physical prejudice & stereotyping based on pre-conceived ideas of what one wants. One good thing at least for me as I try to navigate the newer technologies is that allows me options and I do use my photos and not a fake or pseudonyms save and except for my hookup activity. As my regular readers know by now I am not a one man’s man and relationships are not my thing despite I am asked to mediate challenges in that department for others.

also see: Sexting Basics: What You Need To Know Before You Press Send 2016

I am from the nineties days of the advent of Adam4adam to text chatrooms to WhatsApp; I can remember the good old days of phone dating services, phone sex matters and early JFLAG hotline services which I used to man and log the calls; inappropriately callers would literally call looking for a one night hookup, a jack off session outside of the main reason for the line in logging stigma & discrimination. Outlets then for release of sexual tension were far and few in between. 

Then came pages such as Rainbowvibes, my own GLBTQ Jamaica NING page (now defunct) where they were private match up groups and so on with fortunately a psychologist was part of my membership then who assisted when requested in matters and referrals for serious matters. Facebook now also has its fair share of guy to guy hook-ups and even a forward thinking bisexual group although the backlash from gay and lesbian folks to bisexuals as confused still bothers me. 

Now Gaydar is a fast rising online and dating App for Jamaicans as I tried it some time ago and nearly every taste is allowed. Grindr is doing well for now but it looks too plain to me and not exciting and covert identities can hide out and who knows what dangers lie behind hot torsos or thick dicks or a tight hairless asshole beckoning to stick your tongue or dick in it. Someone introduced me to Gay Romeo which looks cute but it’s mostly African guys who seem to populate the profiles as black men than locals or African Americans; maybe they do not know it so much yet.

Lesbians are also having some issues based on reports who also meet fakers so to speak and seems not to have caught on for that cohort as for men, I guess the spontaneity of man on man sex devoid of talk first, sex later considerations that delay hook-ups I imagine. For some women it helps it seems to monitor while using the search freedoms and allows online relationships from all accounts and cybersex used to cement the release factor. 

The aforementioned near miss Instagram case report (#gaydating) had the subject posting photos on Facebook of the matter with some minor injuries after a tussle and rightfully warning others of the ordeal and dangers involved. With some men generally still thinking male homosexuality as taboo whilst attaching money for sex and discreetness if indulged in; blackmail with a report I had not posted on my blog by request of the victim he was ambushed even as he got naked with the initial date; it turns out it was a gang of thugs posing as gays with the main actor playing the role of luring unsuspecting men at hotels or guest houses. Demands of thousands of dollars are not uncommon or several cases I have seen, worked on or heard of where motor vehicles and other valuables in the quest for untold wealth in their eyes at any cost.

I would advise to look for signs of either unstable folks, aggressiveness, inordinate demands as early warnings that something is obviously off. 

Nuff love

Peace & tolerance

H 

also see:

‘Tek yuh bomboclaat out a mi house battyman’ from Facebook fallout

Another young gay man is outed via Facebook 2013

Facebook & unintentional outings to family members .. 2012

Warning!: Fake Facebook pics and hookup dangers 2011

Cybersex and relationships

At another bloggers' Lyme recently this time done online another sticky topic came up that of cybersex as done by persons involved in so called monogamous relationships. Long term lovers tend to loose their sex drive after a while and resort to other forms of sexual activities to keep the action alive. Many worry about the normalcy in their sex lives when cybersex, sex toy usage and Internet porn takes the place of real person to person contact making the love die in a sense. Homosexual males whether for instant gratification of just addictions tend to use cybersex as a way to satisfy desires quickly.

Fantasies can be acted out online with ones face hidden but of course the all important genitalia is key to attracting partners online for masturbatory sessions and for some twice or three times in one night. Those fantasies may not be ones that are had with the live-in partner and to compensate often time secret cybersex camera action is employed so as not to pressure the live-in partner to bend over backwards to please the other. The at home partner still gets the emotional attention and support necessary to create the illusion or appearance of a monogamist union.

Does this practice lead to decreases in love life if one or both partners in a relationship are practising?

Some say yes some say no, as it depends on how it’s done. If one partner for example is on a business trip or is away for a short time that maybe an excuse for cybersex with outsiders not with the at home partner. One blogger at the Lyme says he used to practice cam to cam masturbation with guys even when he was with his partner full time but he knew he loved his partner no matter what, he explained that he never showed his face only from the neck down and chose guys who did the same for one on one cam action. The experts say that one can get addicted to cybersex and tend to loose real emotional and sexual desires for another person on a one on one level because the attraction is just for instant gratification or as some call it a quick nut. Then there is the proverbial hook up dude who uses the internet to meet one night standers for just quick fun and may incorporate cybersex before the actual hook-up takes place or compensate for distance if the meeting cannot be done at that particular time.

Is that considered cheating?

Some say yes and some say no, if it’s an open relationship where both partners can go outside the union for sexual pleasures well it couldn’t be considered cheating but if the union is monogamous in nature and one steps out in this format without the others knowledge then emotionally it is cheating. I guess it depends on the grounds and boundaries set by the persons involved in the relationship. Others felt strong that it was in fact cheating and that dishonesty in any form leads to a must fail in the union as time progresses, unions must remain monogamous and lovers must be true to each other no matter what if not its just a casual “spirit tek” mess that’s doomed to fail. There are those who also engage in orgies by allowing a third or fourth partner into a session for sex but emotionally the two original members of the couple know they are tied together and share a bond.

Cybersex as a safer sex method

Others in the HIV/AIDS advocacy world do encourage the use of cybersex as a means to safe sex. Many experts encourage its use to avoid risky behaviour and also to examine ones possible partner while on camera to literally look for signs of sexually transmitted infections around ones genitalia and so on before the actual hook-up takes place. Self masturbation was already recommended as a form of safer sex practices but camming has now been added in the digital age of instant video streaming and live chats. How repetitive one employs this form of sexual play is questionable as again I draw on the notion of getting addicted to emotionless sex.

meanwhile here is a treat:

What’s your take on the issue?

Public comments please

Peace and tolerance

H