I am a young man in my mid-30s who was molested twice at the age of 10 by my cousins. Since then, my life has been a struggle with mixed feelings. However, over the years, I have tried my very best to be totally honest in my day-to-day activities.
When I was 14 years old, I got baptised and started fearing God, but not long after, I realised that I have developed a very sensitive and high sex drive. I started exploring as teens would do, and I noticed that rare things were going on in my mind, mostly when I am around my male companions. At the time, I thought it was the norm for me to feel this way because I was developing into manhood, so I kept it really confidential.
When I was 16 years old, my mother learnt about my situation from a friend who was very concerned about my behaviour around males. She spoke to me about it, but she didn't follow up and we are still living in the same house. We live like normal mother and son.
My real challenge was when the fellowship at my church found out. The pastor preached about it that Sunday. He then called a meeting afterwards, but it didn't go down well, so I walked. One of my pastor's friends taped my voice by setting up a guy to ask me questions while he was acting as a gay.
I was attacked and beaten up badly in the community. I become a victim to many but I didn't move. I stayed in my community and underwent many years of victimisation. When I turned 20, I thought that getting married would have helped, but I also thought that the marriage wouldn't work. It would just be a cover-up.
I was now totally out of the Fellowship with my church, and even developed hate for the church. I started dating girls and having sex more and more just to eliminate my thoughts from guys. I was still feeling hopeless, empty and I couldn't find any peace of mind, even in the world that I became a part of. I still stood my ground and I stayed strong and brave and faced the situation head on, which as a result helped me to be motivated today.
I am not blaming the pastors and brethren who tried to kill me, or my cousins who started me out or even the society which never sought to find the answers. Since that time, I have never given up hope in myself because I have never accepted being a homosexual or bisexual as a lifestyle. Every day my wish is that I will overcome this behaviour.
Three years ago I was introduced to the Jamaica Aids Support organisation while they were celebrating HIV week. I was introduced to a panel of counsellors which from that time have continued to help me in a very positive way. I am proud to say that I am doing much better and I am serving God again.
I would like to thank the Jamaica Aids Support and the Ministry of Health and also you, pastor.
You have explained yourself well. You have confirmed what so many practising homosexuals have said, and that is, they were not born homosexual, it was introduced to them by others who were much older than they were. Many practising male homosexuals claim that they were sexually abused by older men which have resulted in them becoming homosexuals. Lesbians make the same claim.
I regret hearing that your church did not show you much love and compassion. However, I am happy that you have been able to receive help from the Jamaica Aids Support. And I am also pleased to hear that you are endeavouring to serve the Lord. I hope that you will find fellowship in a church that recognises that all people are sinners. And as sinners, they should not condemn anyone.