Facebook & unintentional outings to family members ........

With Facebook now the most widely used social networking site by Jamaican LGBTQI people these days there was sooner or later bound to be some anancyism turning up at some point as we are a people good for that kind of crap. With no clear rules by Facebook as to the use of the account holder having a real photograph of themselves on their profiles dishonest individuals have been running rough shod with photos of buffed man or provocative male images with some intended to lure unsuspecting MSMs in particular who in a short time arrange hook ups while not even verifying and developing any long term e-lationship or chat before the face to face or supposed sexual encounter.

Men who have sex with men are not the only ones who have been duped into this practice with disastrous and near death results.

Such was the introduction to a previous post in June of 2011 where I tried to raise awareness of the fast changing LGBT social scene and the use of social media in hookups and ones own safety from gay for pay predators and fake same gender love seeking folks who have other motives in mind including robbery.

Now we have the issue of family members inadvertently being exposed to persons private socialization in as far as privacy is concerned based on ones settings on their profiles. While many LGBT people in Jamaica are making use of improved free medium to keep in touch and to meet new "friends" and the latest sharing of information the less tech savy user may find themselves in problems with family members and siblings if after when they peruse information and "likes" on the respective profile at the time. Such was the case with this latest episode that has led to this post along with other reports of persons being "discovered" probably family members think they know their relatives until, FACEBOOK!

A twenty odd year old has found himself estranged from his father after they recently reconnected as he resides overseas and was absent from the young MSM's life for some time. His father soon recognised that he was apart of an LGBT group on Facebook as his profile settings was left "open" to reflect where he is active etc, a tersely worded email soon was sent by the curious elder who inquired if he was apart of a gay movement and if he realised that homosexuality was wrong in God's sight?

They have not spoken with the regularity they used to since and this has caused some distress to the young MSM so much so that he removed himself from all gay related groups and pages so as to present a "clean" image to his father who by the way is still on his friends list but hardly responds to pokes and messages sent by his son. I tried suggesting he find a counselor to deal with this issue as I am not qualified for that deep level issue but there are other stories similar to this coming to the fore since this revelation was made in one of the groups just before he removed himself from it. Same gender loving sisters in that group have also shared some concerns and one simply said she closed her old profile and created a new one. The young man had reached out to influentials but as usual we do not have the needed resources and the main stay systems hardly address issues like this so what to do? At best I suggest the following settings under the privacy and account setting tabs to avoid conflicts or unintentional outings. On your profile page beside home (top right hand corner) click the drop down arrow:

Go to: 

Apps and Websites
Control what gets shared with apps, games and websites........ then select Edit Settings

then go to:

How people bring your info to apps they use
People who can see your info can bring it with them when they use apps. Use this setting to control the categories of information people can bring with them......then edit settings .... the following should appear 

Then deselect the persons or relationships etc you want to be seen or not to be seen, the groups etc you are in. That is of course if you had set up a family and relationship group apart from your friends list.

Also on ones profile one can customize the viewers of posts at any given time, it might take a few more seconds to do so but it is worth the wait, that is also of course if you are willing to go through all that.

some control can also be here as well:

select the last option and you can literally type a name or names of persons who may want to block generally while using the above to control what goes fully public or to friends only etc.

Some previous safety suggestions that appeared on that June 2011 entry on hookups are posted are below:

Please bear in mind the following if you or someone you know is planning a face to face meeting following an continued e-lationship

1. Make sure the profiler has a real photo or photos of themselves
2. Ask questions about them, get to know as much as possible as timely as possible
3. Establish telephone contact as early as you see fit
4. Listen for any change in mood, tone or information shared over time
5. Keep the e-lationship going with regular interactions to pick up any changes as well
6. Archive or save suspicious exchanges as you see fit
7. Avoid instant hook-ups without first developing some rapport in the e-lationship
8. Tell a close friend where and when you are going to meet an online friend for the first time
9. Develop a trend in communicating for e.g same times if possible per day for chatting
10. If you decide to meet find an open public area as best as possible, and decide how to behave in that space to avoid any unsuspecting onlookers who may deduce it's a gay link up
11. Decide on clothing and colour or change colours previously agreed to if you are not sure of the individual
12. Study your surroundings when there and get there early (as this young man did)
13. Plan your possible route(s) of escape if necessary
14. Have a weapon of some sort or maze that can create a distraction then escape as quickly as possible
15. Have a trusted friend accompany you if possible and have them away from the actual meeting spot but make sure they can see you
16. Make a call if needed to the person(s) who followed you and keep the line open so they can hear your conversation and call for help elsewhere if needed
17. Set your Facebook profile to "Friends Only" as under "Friends of Friends" all other persons can see you
18. If you are in a group and are active you may turn off the feature where non friends can send you a message or see you photos
19. Use only a sensible face picture as your profile thumbnail so as to avoid stalking

The problematic adding of persons to groups without any restrictive action or vetting that action is also of concern as that has also caused some accidents for persons as sometimes especially if the group is an open one ones activity may appear on their wall viewable by all on their friend's list.

Tinker with the settings and see the ones that suit you best if you do not want to be exposed. Just some suggestions friends.

If all else fails just open another account that they do not know of and do your business.

Peace and tolerance

H