Dr Shelly Ann Weeks
When it comes to relationships, there is no automatic button. Having someone to share one's life with is a goal that most people have, but maintaining this relationship is not always easy. For many persons, after they finish the honeymoon stage, much of the effort goes out the door, and they start developing bad habits. Let's talk about some of the toxic relationship habits that people are dealing with.
Saying that you forgive, but holding the grudge.
If your partner has done something to hurt or offend you and you have decided to forgive them, then you must move on. So many individuals hold on to bad things that happened, and this continues to be an obstacle in the relationship. If you cannot forgive and move on, perhaps you should consider ending the relationship itself.
Not knowing when to call it quits
Some people are so afraid of being alone that they settle for unhappy relationships. Some persons stay in the unhappy relationship because they want to provide a secure home for their children. The problem with this unhappy situation is that it is a toxic environment especially for children. Sometimes it is better for both parties to just call it quits and work on being happy, and that will help make them better parents.
Communication - talk to each other
If you have an issue with your partner, talk to your partner first. Too often the issue is discussed with everyone - friend, relatives, pastor - but not the person who can actually deal with the problem. Take the third, fourth and fifth person out of your relationship.
Taking each other for granted (not appreciating each other)
When was the last time you did something special for your partner and it
wasn't a special occasion? The beginning of the relationship was great because that is when we make the most effort. The honeymoon period does not have to end if you just keep the effort in your relationship.
Relationships require some level of compromise, but that should be the exception, not the rule. If you are always giving up what you want for your partner, then it means that your needs are not being met. There should be a balance for both partners when it comes to compromise.
If you are always getting your way in a relationship, then it is one-sided. That can leave your partner feeling that they are not being treated fairly. Relationships require a give and take from both parties.
If you don't think that you are secure with yourself, it's not easy to be in a relationship. Constantly searching your partner's phone or being suspicious of everyone that he/she communicates with is a sure way to destroy your relationship. Understanding that you have no control over your partner's actions and being OK with that is a good place to start.
Not expressing yourself
There is no way you can expect your partner to know exactly what you want if you don't express yourself. Too often, individuals think that their partner should 'just know'. Stop waiting for your partner to pick up the hint or know what you think, say something and be clear.
Relationships can be rewarding and fulfilling, but it requires work. Take a look at some of the toxic habits that you have and make a plan to change them. Working to be happier together can be challenging, but it is definitely possible. Remember, communication is important to the success of every relationship, so ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.
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