Dear Pastor,
I have heard stories about women becoming lesbians, but how would you counsel a wife who has found out her husband was homosexual - after she had three children for him?
A.G.,
Pastor's response:
Dear A.G.,
In counselling, there is a direct and indirect approach to problems. There are times when the counsellor should say, "This is what you ought to do." But there are times when the counsellor should allow the 'counselee' to arrive at his or her decision. But the counsellor should give guidance.
If you and your husband have had three children together and you have recently found out he is a homosexual, he has been living a lie and perhaps putting your health at risk. Evidently, he has a preference. What is his preference? Is it you as his wife or his male partner(s)?
Both of you should go to see a psychologist after you have discussed the matter between yourselves. You have to decide whether you are willing to tolerate this man and to share him with another man. How will you relate to your husband for the rest of your life? Should you have him as a lover or a friend or just the father of your children? Is divorce a good alternative? Can your life ever be normal again?
If the children are young and do not understand what is happening between both of you, can both of you live in the same house and don't cohabit? Would he be allowed to bring his male partner in the house? If you believe you should divorce this man, can you pay your own bills? Your life will never be the same. Because this man has disrespected you, the only way you can keep your sanity is to pray for him every day. But even if you were to forgive him, it does not mean you would have to remain with him as his wife. You will need all the professional help you can get.
I wish you well, and you have my prayers.
Pastor
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