Coming out or outed

These days in the Jamaican context one can imagine the difficulties same gender loving men young and old alike have in the coming out process. That can be defined as either voluntarily doing so or forcibly outed by just family members and friends prying into the private lives of persons who do not have a member of the opposite sex romantically present in their lives and publicly displaying their affections to each other. The preverbal questions asked by usually inquisitive older family members like, where is your girlfriend or boyfriend? as the case maybe or when are you going to produce children or grandchildren? These annoying taunts sometimes are brushed off with convenient answers like soon or he/she doesn’t want to come to my house yet so as to avoid the pestering.

Many homosexuals or MSMs in Jamaica end up being outed after the above issues go on for a protracted period and when the family membership, friends or nosy neighbours don’t see the partner of the opposite sex forthcoming then the all too familiar rumour and whispers increases usually unbeknown to the subject. There have been cases as well where the desire to prove their suspicions leads to searching personal effects such as cell phone message inboxes or emails if they get access to those communication areas. I distinctly recall a case a couple years ago where a young man was rebuffed by his family and thrown out of the house with his belongings after his mother instructed his younger brother to search his phone for suspicious gay activity, her suspicious were confirmed when several private messages were discovered, she proceeded to hold on to the phone as proof and showed the damming messages between himself and alleged male counterparts to his father and other neighbours thus occasioning their demand for his exit. He eventually moved out of the community under some police protection.

Our socialization is much more closely nit as neighbours are more friendly than other jurisdictions so people tend to (“Fass”) pry into affairs of the heart if needs be, if a single man for example lives alone and has no female companions visiting or over nighting then he is watched closely for suspicious clues of his sexuality. Disturbingly sometimes other undercover gay and bisexual persons participate in this rumour mill of sorts to cover their own tracks especially if they have no visible clues of gayness for e.g. effeminate aesthetics, metro sexual attire or association with the subjected individual(s) in question. Certainly over time many gay men who had suffered this forced outing process have complained that other gay men have outed them by pointing them out to the prying audience and with very little way of defending oneself at this point the outed person(s) usually for their own safety quietly and quickly relocate to avoid problems.

There are more positive accounts however of persons coming out to more tolerant family members and friend but usually these accounts come from persons who are travelled and exposed to other cultures predominantly the United States and the UK. Social class has a lot to do with this as well as many of these accounts come from upper middle income earning households who have a different take on the coming out process almost mimicking a North American approach but sometimes the negative impacts include exclusion from a will (loss of access to the trust fund), ostracism from the home, malice, loss of privileges and family breakups.

I doubt if there is anything on record at JFLAG that properly documents this phenomenon or track the persons involved most of what I have garnered is from memory or my own tracking of past cases I am aware of.

Another tragic outing process is through the mass media when sometimes embellished stories make front page news like the recent Barbie episodes or persons forcibly evicted from their homes and the actions justified in some sense by the writers of the respective articles. Who can forget the very public outing of two gay men in western Jamaica several years ago when they were allegedly escorted by police to the station on foot in the nude after neighbours called the cops under suspicion that the men were gay and having sex in their home. The police were said to have entered the home and ordered the men to undress then told them to follow them to the station much to the jeering and laughter of the public looking on. Respect for the precinct or sanctity of the threshold of ones home is usually smashed when invaders be they arms of the law or rowdy members of the public seem to think they have a right to mame alleged gay individuals anywhere and anytime.

Probably a set of programs or courses need too be implemented to aid experts in human sexuality gays, lesbians and their families about the coming out processes, its implications and tolerance that could include the tenets of the law where privacy, freedom of choice, sexuality and basic rights are concerned.

Mi a wonda a who a go dweet doh ? As di people dem who fi dweet nah seh nuttin.

Public comments please.

Peace and tolerance

H