A Male Whore ........ who defines him & perceptions

Prepared By Jerry Gay

In the heterosexual community a man is never truly seen as a whore. If he is dating and having sexual escapades with several women at one time, he receives a pat on the back as being a "ladies man", but the same can't be said for a woman. If a woman dates several men at one time, and sleeps with a minimum of two men within a certain period, she is considered a whore. So why is it that a woman can never take charge of her sexuality, but a man can? On the surface of this topic, some people believe that the act of being penetrated is more intimate and sacred than the act of being the one who penetrates.

There is also this image we have of women being held to different standards because of their roles in society. They are the ones who bring life into this world, and there is nothing more damaging to a woman than for her to not know who the father of her child is. I'm sure you've sat through those more-than tired episodes of Maury, and the guest who've slept with 15 different men, claim they are 1000% sure; didn't know someone could be 1000%, and in the end run off stage and curl into a ball because none of those men are the father. But all of a sudden she thinks she knows who it is...ho please.

A woman who sleeps around essentially has more to lose than a man. If she gets pregnant, she has to raise that child for 18-years, while a man has the option to run away from his responsibility, at least in the physical aspect of the situation. So if a woman's role as being the bearer of life is the primal reason why she can be a whore, but her cheating ass boyfriend can't, how does that translate into the gay community?

After all a bottom cannot give birth, so why is it that bottoms and versatile men can be whores, but "strict" tops can't? I don't believe in sexual-position stereotypes, neither do I believe in gender-role stereotypes. A man can be a whore and so can a woman, just as a top, versatile, or bottom can be a whore as well. It's amazing to me how many tops are quick to call someone a whore, in some cases in reference to the same bottom they screw on a regular, but what does that make them? You've slept with just as many men as he has, sometimes for sexual gratification, other times for monetary gain, and in fact you probably have slept with the same amount of men as he has-if not more.

I view a whore as not being defined by how many men someone has slept with, but more about the amount of time that has passed between these men. If on Monday you sleep with Bryan, Charles on Wednesday, Marvin on Thursday, and Antonio and Vincent on Saturday; you are a whore. Now if your sexual liaisons with these men are spread out over a 6 or 12 month period, you would not be considered to be a whore. Everyone who engages in sex accumulates numbers over the years, it's normal. In your quest to find Mr. Right, you're dating different men, searching for compatibility in all aspects including sex, and sometimes things workout, other times they don't. Add those dating situations with your occasional hookup, and the numbers add up quick over a long period of time.

Some people believe that anyone who has sex is a slut to some degree. Nathan DeGraaf of Points In Case, believes in this exact theory, breaking it down into the Four Levels of Slut: The Sexually Liberated [Man], Garden Variety Slut, Cheating Slut, and the Money Grubbing Slut. After going through a really bad breakup he compiled this list, so let's see in further detail which level entails:

Level One: The Sexually Liberated [Man]
According to DeGraaf this man is not necessarily a slut, but he gets called a slut because he enjoys sex. He is classified as someone who doesn't have a boyfriend, or as someone who is in an open relationship. He doesn't involve any emotions when he engages in a hookup, because all he wants is sex, and the rest he can live without. He doesn't feel the need to settle down, as he is comfortable in his current state of his relationship status. Whether that be single or attached to a man who approves of him having affairs.

Level Two: The Garden Variety Slut
This guy doesn't have a boyfriend either, but leads men on, using his charm, and sex appeal, to lead them into thinking that one day-they will be in an exclusive relationship. He has no problem engaging in sex with several men at one time, and making each one feel like they are his knight in shining armor, their long lost soul-mate. He enjoys what he's doing, and at times will purposely set up situations where the men he's leading on, may run into each other, resulting in a physical or verbal exchange. A scenario that is not only entertaining for him, but increases his self esteem.

Level Three: The Cheating Slut
This category is broken down into three subcategories. The man who cheats on his lover of a few months-just because he can, but never lies about it and comes clean. The man who cheats on his boyfriend of a few months, never tells him, and allows him to find out through another party [ie: friends, associates, or the guy he cheated on his lover with]. The third subcategory deals with a man who has been in a relationship for years, but has been unfaithful the entire time, and never comes clean.

This level is the one that comes to people's minds the most when they think of someone being a slut. The reason why this is the most potent of the four levels is because of the motivation behind the cheating, not the act itself.

Level Four: The Money Grubbing Slut
The men who fit into this category can either be single or in a committed relationship. Those who are committed, are often in relationships where all of their needs are not being met, specifically the financial one. This guy usually doesn't make enough money himself to live a comfortable lifestyle or the glamorous one he feels he should have. His lover doesn't make enough money to lavish on him, but he holds onto him because he's great in every other way. So what does this cheater do? He finds some other man to buy him all the superficial things he needs, and in return offers up his sexual services. This is the worst type of whore for some because they don't care about love, they are only concerned with money.

I've never had an issue with anyone who sleeps around and does it safe and honestly. But if you're in a relationship, having sex with other men just isn't acceptable. Sleeping with multiple men within a short period of time, is not the behavior of a gentleman. Knowingly sleeping with someone who has a significant other is straight trashy. And of course if you're a Top, don't act like you are the almighty God because of your sexual position, and therefore you cannot be labeled a whore. Although the definition of a whore and who can be one varies in people's opinions, according to Merriam Webster-in black and white it reads, a woman who engages in sexual acts for money; a male who engages in sexual acts for money.

Being seen as a whore can be detrimental to one's self-esteem, due to other people's harsh judgement. We've all seen the club whore who enters the building, and every dude seems to know his name. Not only do they know his name, but they know what he looks like naked-in every position imaginable, how warm his mouth feels, how rough he likes to be fucked, the moans and groans he makes during sex, and how he handles himself after the one-night stand has concluded. If you don't want to be seen as a whore, there are several things you can and must do to change other people's perception of you, whether they are right or wrong.

You must first come to the realization of who you are. If you find yourself constantly searching for a new piece of dick or ass, sleeping with several different men within a short time-frame, looking for men outside of your city due to the fact that you've slept with all of the ones in your zipcode, or often you find yourself forgetting the government names of the guys you've slept with and only knowing them by their usernames; you may be a whore.

If you're always talking about your sexual adventures, what do you think people are going to think about you? That you are a cum bucket! Whether these are men you've been sleeping with for years, some of whom you've actually tried to build a relationship with, or random hookups, keep your sex life confidential. A gentleman shouldn't kiss and tell about every detail, with every man, save something for yourself. Find other things to discuss with people other than the date you went on the other night, or how many numbers you got at the club last week. These type of conversations lead people to form their own opinions about who you are, even if you've never slept with any of the men you met at the bar.

Never sleep with people who are part of your inner circle of friends, co-workers, classmates, acquaintances, or mutual friends-of-friends. Just because you don't discuss your sex life, that doesn't mean that the other person you've slept with holds themselves to such a standard. If you want to get your freak on and still be viewed as being "holier than thou," sleep with people you or your friends don't know.

If you are receiving a lot of negative attention, being labeled a whore, and can't understand why, look closely in the mirror. What are you doing to make people think this way? Is it the way you dress? The stories or jokes you tell that are always saturated in sex? Is it that your online social media profile is filled with nothing but ass and dick photos?

Look at the company you keep. Think about it, if you surround yourself with whores, what do you think other people's perception of you are going to be? Chances are, you'll be labeled as such.

Start to think of yourself as more than a sexual being. Some times when we hear other's call us "sexy" or "hot" we internalize it as meaning that is all we are good for, therefore we unknowingly act in such a manner. Instead of seeing yourself as sexy, refer to yourself as handsome. Don't think of yourself as something people use, and then toss into the trash when it has expired. You are a product of God, therefore you are worth more than "sexy".

Flirting is always fun, and harmless when done correctly, but when it is filled with sexual filth, it becomes vulgar. Smile, wave, laugh- these are easy and non-sexual ways to still flirt, and let someone know that you are interested in them without being perceived as "easy".

If you find that your behavior becomes more sexual when you are intoxicated or under the influence of other substances, than cut-back on those activities. Not only are you putting your reputation at stake, but you are also putting your health at risk by participating in risky antics. You shouldn't have to ask your friend what you did last night, or not remember kissing several men at Club XL, while being bent over on the middle of the dance floor. Remember we are gentlemen. who hold ourselves up to certain standards.

Bottom line, when it comes to your reputation, only you can control how you are perceived when it comes to people labeling you as a whore. Be mindful of your actions, your words, and those around you.